everything is perfect except for the distance

[Hafa2win]

I everyone, this is my first post. I have been involved in a long distance relationship 1200 miles. We are doing everything right. We respect each other, we are only seeing each other. We talk everynight, text message during the day, email everyday and know exactly what the other one is doing and with whom. We are both older (30's) and knew from the beginning that we were going to sacrafices and challenges. But we have always worked them out. It has now been a year and both or our pocket books have taken a beating flying back and forth to see each other. so the trips are beginning to be least frequent. The logical solution would be one of us has to move in order for us to test being with each other more frequently. Well here is the issue, while I have no problem moving (we work for the same company), I am a single mother, with a mortgage on a house I share with my sister, I would have to try and tranfer or find another job and move without help. He is in a job that makes a lot more, he does not have to work from where he is, but ro move up in the company, he may need to stay there, he has never been married and no children and lives in an apartment. He is from where I am and his family is still here. sound simple, well he absolutely loves it where he is and does not really want to come back to where I am. I can not see any other way? If the relationship is going to work we need to be in the same city....any thoughts?

[kdreger]

You have to make a list and the both of you discuss it.

 

On this list you note the pros and cons of either of you moving. You two will have to come to a compromise.

 

Chances are he will want you to move as men have a tendency to care about career potential and money. On the other hand, you don't want a guy who's willing to drop his job and move as 6 months later you don't want a bum without a job leeching off you and a feeling of guilt keeping you from kicking his butt out of the house. As well, in future arguments, there's the chance he'll always bring up how he gave up blah blah blah to be with you and how you don't appreciate it blah blah. Ugh.

 

My advice is that you move and help your sister with the house expenses until she gets a roommate etc. If you move to him, he will need to support you until you get a job (unless you successfully transfer there) and ensure your feelings of homesickness are fulfilled by his attention. Based on your information, I assume you have a child. If so, you have to ensure this man and your child get along well as he is going to be seeing a lot of the child and you are allowing a "stranger" to have a lot of sway on your child's life.

 

Good luck and much happiness.