Update...

[nsaa0426]

Well, I guess this is my little update of my break up. For a quick recap, my ex boyfriend and I dated for one year, and two weeks after the anniversary we broke up. It was our first semester in collge and its been tough as heck. In a sense I feel ok. The reasons why we broke up seem more sane and actually logical. Im only eighteen years old, and rigth now is the time to explore the world. To focus on school and to meet new people. It hurt loads because I loved him dearly, and in a sense I still do. However, as the days go by I am starting to get better about it all, and to just try to make myself happy. I got a volunteering position at one of the labs in the department of computer engineering, which I am studying, and i am applying for seasonal jobs and actually got an interview. I am applying myself to my studies head on, and have actually started to talk to more people and stuff. I tend to be a loner once in a while which sucks, but i am trying to get it out. Going to a counselor has helped loads too, because I'm working on things to make me happy once more and not feel so overhelmed about everything. I have anxiety and depression issues, so the talks help loads. My ex and I still talk loads, heck we are best of friends. Its not an easy thing to do, and yes I know many say the no contact thing is better. Yet the break up wasnt started because we stopped loving or caring for each other. Its just that well, we are too young. Who is to say he is the one? That's what I thought of a past ex and it wasnt so. Speaking of that ex, he actually said it was a mistake breaking up with me. Figures...it didnt bother me really, it jsut made me shrug. I guess its just a matter of how I look at things. Taking things slowly, concentrating on healing and working on myself, not worrying about having a relationship. If it happens it will happen. I love my ex deeply, but letting him go is my way of showing him that love now. If he is meant to be with me he will come back. If not then he will be happy with someone else, and so shall I. I already have guys who like me.not really my type but hey its nice to know you are attractive to guys still and they notice you. It hasnt been easy this break up, no break up is. I know that it will be hard to accept a new girlfriend for my ex, but I have to let him go. I will still ahve him as a friend, and that is all I really care about. My first ex abandoned me to my own luck, this ex actually is helping me get through this, even when Im not the best person to handle at this moment. There are loads of feelings that are still there, but baby steps at a time will clear them all soon enough. For all who are right now in despair, suffering because of a broken heart, I tell you: rejoice in the fact that you are alive, that you have good health, tha tyou have people that love you. Rejoice in that now new doors and roads open up to you, and whatever happens, there will always be ups. Do not waste time with suffering, with the thoughts that you love them and that they should be with you. Of course you love them. They made you happy once, and it hurts to let go. But more happiness will come. I may get my bouts of depression over and over again, and its ok. Even with the break up, my ex has helped me regain confidence, sense of self, a bit of joy for my work and school, things I had lost. He listens to me and helps me out. We may fight and argue and get pissed at each other, but he hasnt abandoned me. He is giving me the chance to see new places, meet new people, truly know my way...and if we want to come back together, we will. Faith and hope have been the best two things to have. I may have lost things, but as long as I dont loose those two. I will be ok. Comments are certainly welcome