I don't want to mess up this time!

[im sandra dee]

Last week I met a new guy. We had planned to meet for drinks but while there, he suggested that I order something to eat if I wanted to so we ended up sharing an appetizer and then later we both had coffee and shared an order of dessert.

 

After we left the restaurant, he wanted to walk me to my car which wasn't too far from the entrance by the way, just the same, I let him do it. I didn't want the night to end, we were having such a good time together. He made me laugh constantly and I hadn't had a fun night like that in a long time.

 

Well, when we were gonna say good night at my car, he kissed me not once but twice and then I kissed him and I hugged him. At that point, he didn't want things to end and he asked me to sit for a bit in his truck. He told me don't worry I won't steal you to which I replied you won't steal me? (as though as I expected to, lol)

 

We were having such a great night, talking, laughing, then the kissing and hugging and so in his truck we laughed, kissed and hugged some more and things progressed kind of fast and we shared some intimate moments and I won't give any details about that because that's not the point.

 

Well, anyhow, all the while this was happening, I wasn't expecting anything beyond the experience we were having that night. I thought, if he doesn't call me, no worries. I was living in the moment and just enjoying myself without analyzing or thinking too far into the future.

 

Well, we saw each other again on the Sunday night (we had met on Thursday night) and then again we saw each other on Wednesday night. Almost everyday since I met him, he's been either calling me or sending me text messages to either ask about my day or to say have a great day, etc. and I've responded to him because I'm becoming more interested in him.

 

He is different from the men I've known in the past and honestly I don't have lots of relationship or dating experience with men. I don't know if this is going to go anywhere but I don't want to do anything to mess things up with him.

 

So far it's all been positive, we've been having fun together and he hasn't caused me a moment of stress and I've seen absolutely no red flags and I'm being realistic about the time we spend together having no expectations at all.

 

That first night in his truck, he told me that he likes my personality so it wasn't just about my looks or intimacy we shared. I just don't want to do anything to mess up with this guy and I want to be real careful so I'm considering slowing things down.

 

I mentioned to a male friend of mine that I met a guy and things kinda went fast from the start and his advice to me was to slow things down and to be cool. I'm just not sure how to slow things down and what he means exactly when he says to be cool.

 

I assume he means don't get over-emotional or needy as those things aren't attractive. I definitely haven't gotten over-emotional or needy with this new guy so I'm cool, I think but just how do I slow things down now? We've already been intimate.

[ForumGuy]

To slow things down you'll have to resist his sexual advances for one thing. Making out is cool, but not going all the way. If he likes you and was being sincere with his "I like your personality" comment...he'll be patient. If he starts going too fast, you might have to tel him to slow down. It is not for sure yet that this guy likes you as much as you like him, or in the way that you like him. It is tough and wish I had some better advice. Surely some women on here have dealt with this....

[thejigsup]

If you feel like being intimate with this guy and going for it, by all means do so! With my current bf, I broke all the rules: Kissed him first, intiated sex on the second date, told him I loved him first, all the things you are NOT supposed to do. He was enchanted and told me he was glad he had met a REAL woman who knew what she wanted and didn't play stupid games. That was 11 years ago and he stills calls me the best woman he has ever been with.

[im sandra dee]

If you feel like being intimate with this guy and going for it, by all means do so! With my current bf, I broke all the rules: Kissed him first, intiated sex on the second date, told him I loved him first, all the things you are NOT supposed to do. He was enchanted and told me he was glad he had met a REAL woman who knew what she wanted and didn't play stupid games. That was 11 years ago and he stills calls me the best woman he has ever been with.

 

Ahhh that is a nice story

 

Thanks for being on my side, lol, I wanted to be intimate with him b/c I was enjoying his company and having fun and I swear every moment that I'm with him I think to myself if this were my last day then this is what I wanna do, you know.

 

Ok, so I didn't mention it in my post earlier but I had sex with him the second night that I saw him. I didn't exactly initiate it, we were being intimate and then I just decided that I don't want to wait and we did it. But before I made that decision, he wasn't pressuring me and said we could wait until I'm ready. I don't think it was a trick or anything. He doesn't have to say or do anything to try to manipulate me. He's just fun to be with and makes me laugh and I want to be with him. It just feels natural.

 

But if I want to slow things down then I should control myself right? Not allow myself to have sex with him and see how he responds to that i.e. whether the daily text messages or phone calls continue. I hate to test him this way but I see no other choice. What concerns me about our situation is that if I keep having sex with him, then I'll get emotionally attached (I'm already beginning to feel a bit of an attachment) and then I might get needy, desperate, etc., etc., and really turn him off big time and what I call "messing up".