Loving someone that's unobtainable, loving someone else.

[Len]

I'm feeling pretty down right now, so I'll try to be brief. I have this friend, I basically love him or like him very much, but he's talking to this girl, whenever he talks to her, I feel..jealous. Today he called me and telling me that they went out on a date and they made out and he was just all so happy and on cloud 9 and such. I couldn't bring myself to be happy for him, but I just played it cool..it just..it hurts dealing with this..

[mgirl]

Hi Len,

 

Well, if you're gay and he's straight, it will make it hard. It still doesn't take away those horrible feelings though! I'm sure we've all been there. You just have to ride it through. Good on you for being dignified about it and not acting like a jealous school person when you found out he dated somebody else, that takes great maturity. You will meet many loves in your life, so don't give up hope!

 

M

[Len]

There are times he would think I'm gay and would keep saying he would be cool with me if he was, but I feel like I should just break off this friendship to keep myself from being hurt anymore and coming out to him at the same time..hahaha..

[Len]

If anyone cares well actually I shouldn't bother with what everyone thinks but..I came out as bisexual to him and he was like, that's no surprise, I was waiting for you to be ready to tell me. He assured me that he will always be straight and will stay that way. It's like I was in battle with myself the whole time and cause I kept feeling jealous when others talk to him and he spotted that like nothing on me, even with the thought of me being gay/bi he remained my friend, and after the confirmation, nothing has changed so far. I guess..he's a really good friend huh. I just need to let go of these urges that still linger. He suggested I go meet up with other people online who are bi as well, I just said yeah yeah so he wouldn't constantly talk, but I don't really want to associate myself with any sort of group because it feels like a label, it's kind of hard to explain this feeling. I just don't want to really meet or be with someone right now, I just want to hang out with him and things stay the way it is =/

[JazzTheme]

If anyone cares well actually I shouldn't bother with what everyone thinks but..I came out as bisexual to him and he was like, that's no surprise, I was waiting for you to be ready to tell me.

 

So he knew the whole time and he still told you all about how he and his girlfriend had so much fun together? Actually, thinking about it that way, it means he was telling you those things to make you jealous enough to crack.

 

I'm sorry, but I don't think he respects you at all.

[Len]

Well they're more of a friends with benefit, he suspected I was jealous but I confirmed it so, I'm thinking why should he refrain in talking about anything he wants without me being too sensitive about it so I'm hoping it's not really a respect issue. I wasn't going to be a * * * * block in what he talks about, because sadly more than half of what he talks about is girls.. =/ Even after all this, I'm still feeling a bit jealous T_T

[JazzTheme]

He shouldn't talk to you about it because you like him. I think you're better off without this guy, he doesn't seem to have anything to offer you.

[chocolatemilk]

^I tend to disagree.

 

Friends are still friends, you want to be able to share the good things with them. It doesn't make him a bad person and certainly doesn't have any true reflection on whether he respects you or not.

 

I think it sounds like he is a good friend, he's willing to remain friends with you, a guy that is in love with him, if there wasn't any respect or genuine affection I don't think he would bother, it would be easier to just end the friendship in the absence of respect or care.

 

He should have some sensitivity towards you Len, but the moment you stop sharing the things that are important to you is the moment you stop being true friends imo. I guess you have to figure out whether it's too much for you to listen to him talking about girls, it sounds like that it's not a new thing, just something that is part of him as a person.

 

If you need time to get over him, then definitely tell him that and take a break from the friendship until you feel better able to deal with it.

[Len]

I first thought about just ditching him for the better for us both, but it'll kill me if I do that. Thinking of him wanting to be with a woman more than me, it hurts me in a way but I have to also keep in mind he also has a different want from me as well, as a friend. That's how life works right? I mean if there was a girl who was in love with me, I wouldn't be able to reciprocate it because it just wouldn't work (I came out as bi to him not gay, but he says if you like * * * * you're gay in a joking matter haha). My friend is a strong person..I just realized if I were in his shoes, I'd feel really awkward and probably not really talk to me because of these feelings. My desire to be his best and true friend is strong, which is why my jealousy is usually there, but with this acknowledge I can fix myself for the better. Thanks guys, and the enotalone forums itself for helping me realizing this for just..being there with just a post here and there, and this forum itself. I love my friend, as a friend. He says he feels the same way so, the wish I made upon this star came true.

[JazzTheme]

You're wrong about him being strong. If he were, he wouldn't have needed to make fun of you by telling you you're gay, instead of bi, and making you feel bad about it. He wouldn't want to keep you around as a friend when that's harder for you, and he wouldn't have toyed with you by dangling his relationship in front of you. Notice how he put it: "you want my * * * * ." And the girl he's with now is just a FWB thing. This guy doesn't get that you want something more than just sex; it's all he can think about, so he just assumes that everybody wants the same thing he does.

 

He's weak. He's afraid of getting emotionally intimate with people, so he hurts them, and he defines his relationships in terms of who he is and isn't having sex with. You, on the other hand, love this guy for everything he is, and you're trying to make him seem better than he is because you love him that much. You have a lot of inner strength to do that.