In limbo

[MissingSparkle]

i keep asking my ex if he wants me to stop contacting him he tells me do what you want. i ask him if he still wants to work on things he tells me you don't know how serious this is right now, which i don't really understand what that means. he calls me and tells me he's really upset and hurting right now so anything i would try to communicate with him wouldn't be heard. but i don't know what to do how long do i wait optimistically that things will get better that we can start working on things versus moving on with my life. then whenever i tell him that i think we should move on with our lives he gets really upset with me telling me you never wanted this from the beginning, you never tried...i feel like he's waiting for me to prove to myself but i just don't know how to do that because he was the cause of a lot of our issues too especially without us progressively trying to work on things. does he really expect me to prove myself without knowing whether or not he ultimately wants to be with me. i don't understand this kind of logic....can anyone decode why he's acting this way and what i should do or expect....any help would be greatly appreciated...tia

[iJester]

Start moving on and don't bother telling him. Next time he contacts you, tell him that you can't take being in limbo like this an you're moving on. Tell him not to contact you unless he wants to get back together, end of story. He sounds like a sissy and will be ready to work on things after about 3 or 4 days of no contact maximum(don't contact him if it takes longer).

[ToF]

I agree with iJester - Stop talking to him, and don't accept anything less from him than "I want to get back together now".

 

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. Right now, he's not ... so you can only conclude that he doesn't want to be together.

[Ms Darcy]

I think what he's doing is lashing out at you. He's trying to get over you ... with you. By talking to you and challenging you, he can temporarily stop his own hurt. But he's hurting because he chose not to be with you. It's not something that was out of his control or anything. I also think this whole "you never tried" is the ultimate cop-out from the person who wasn't that into reconciling anyway. He's basically saying you should have danced on your head to make me feel something towards you again. He's expecting you to fix his feelings and no one can do that for another person.

 

It's high time you stand up for yourself in this situation. You don't deserve to be disrespected like that.

[MissingSparkle]

omg this was exactly what i was thinking, your right i should just cut him off NC but the only thing is we work in the same place how do i avoid him at work?? we don't have to actually interact at work but we do occasionally run into each other, its a lil office theres no avoiding it. i feel i can't really do NC properly.

[MissingSparkle]

I think what he's doing is lashing out at you. He's trying to get over you ... with you. By talking to you and challenging you, he can temporarily stop his own hurt. But he's hurting because he chose not to be with you. It's not something that was out of his control or anything. I also think this whole "you never tried" is the ultimate cop-out from the person who wasn't that into reconciling anyway. He's basically saying you should have danced on your head to make me feel something towards you again. He's expecting you to fix his feelings and no one can do that for another person.

 

It's high time you stand up for yourself in this situation. You don't deserve to be disrespected like that.

 

Thanks D this is exactly how i felt.