When you masturbate/fantasize to your crush, s.o., or just someone u like???

[bish0p2004]

But that "perception" is actually largely true. Women, well, people in generally, tend to have "boundaries". You can be romantic/flattering when you are interested in someone but most people don't like it to become sexual until they actually know that person better and feel comfortable. That's just how it is. Of course, there are always exceptions.

 

That's true to some extent, because as you said, there are exceptions. However, as I've said before, the point of it is not to get a girlfriend...it's for him to stop caring about what women (and others) think about him. This is just a desensitization process.

 

When you're in a loving, committed relationship, it's TOTALLY fine to be sexual, in fact, it's expected/encouraged for some. I think he'll see that once he gets into a relationship, that it's okay...part of being in a relationship is letting down some walls and exposing a part of yourself.

 

He shouldn't even be thinking about getting into a relationship until he's dated multiple women...or else, it will more than likely spell disaster because he if he does happen to get into a relationship, he will try and hold on too tightly to one person, which usually causes possessiveness and jealousy. In his case, the insecurity will be worse because he is already insecure.

 

If you want to go up and say sexual things to strangers or even female friends, that's fine. I don't mean to discourage you if that's what you want to do. But I think many guys would not do what you suggested because of that "creep" factor, which is definitely there. Why risk such embarrassment, or even losing a friend?

 

You're still missing the point and I don't want to repeat myself again. I will say that suffering through embarrassment from doing something so outrageous is a good thing though. This is exactly what he needs to get over.

 

I think a great way to build confidence is not by going to that "one extreme" when you're shy and don't feel up to it...just take small steps. Have female friends first, then slowly flirt with females you're interested in. Your small successes/good responses will definitely be a boost!

 

When I started working on this aspect of my life, I jumped with both feet in...but, that's what worked for me.

[bish0p2004]

bishop, like I said, even if I felt like a sexual person, I wouldn't say that to a girl. Because it's disrespectful. It's akin to whipping out your [blank] and masturbating in front of her; she'll feel like she's been mentally raped.

 

That's fine, dude.

 

But, I think your analogy is a bit off as it's nothing like that. Saying I'm going to hit you is not the same as actually hitting you.

[LightbulbSun]

So saying I'm going to rape you, it's not the same as actually raping you?

 

I'm sure a lot of women would disagree with you.

[Fudgie]

BTW, I disagree on the "don't think about relationships until you've been with multiple people". What BS.

 

I haven't dated many people at all. All of those people got into long-term relationships with me. I didn't need to go out and get porked by 10+ guys to find out "what I like in men." I already do know. I'm not going to waste my time.

 

Maybe saying outrageous things to girls and getting them offended works for you in that you are just treating them as "tools" to desensitize yourself. I don't want to put words into lightbulb's mouth but he may feel that offending/shocking people just for the sake of "getting over insecurity" is kind of an insensitive thing to do. Girls aren't going to like being told those things. It's a matter of respect. You shouldn't be going around offending people on purpose.

[cursedgirl]

I wanted to know if you masturbate to someone you have a crush on?

 

i do. but not in every detail or too often

[bish0p2004]

So saying I'm going to rape you, it's not the same as actually raping you?

 

I'm sure a lot of women would disagree with you.

 

Everything is about context, man and this seems to be the biggest issue that you're not understanding. How many times have you heard a girl say, "I'm going to kill you!" with a smile and a playful tone, but not actually mean it? CONTEXT, man....context. I said that in my first post originally.

 

If I say something, my tone of voice, the context of the situation and body language all communicate the intention behind your words.

 

If you can't grasp that, then I don't know what to tell you.

[bish0p2004]

BTW, I disagree on the "don't think about relationships until you've been with multiple people". What BS.

 

The idea is that he won't take dating so seriously and he will be able to have fun with it. If you read his posts, he's pretty frustrated with this aspect of his life.

 

It's called the dating game for a reason. When you treat it like a game, it becomes fun instead of frustrating. I guarantee you that if he ever finds a girlfriend, he will scare her away because he will try to hold on too tightly to her.

[Fudgie]

I have no idea what he'll be like in a relationship. I guess only time can tell.

 

Maybe it's different because I'm a female, but I can tell you, I was very serious about dating when I started when I was 15. I was with each guy for almost a year and despite not having a lot of experience and *some* insecurities (which the guys didn't know about because I didn't tell them and dealt with them on my own) they told me that I was a very good girlfriend because I was laid back and never got jealous over tiny things.

 

I always the "clingee" not the "clinger".

 

Dating was never a "game" to me. I think you can still be serious about something and have fun without making a joke of it. Again, that's me. I tend to attract/go out with guys who are looking for a serious LTR from the start. I don't fool around with those who want to play around.

 

I think if he works on his issues and learns to cope, because some insecurity may ALWAYS be there, then he'll fare well. The trick is to not become clingy or needy with someone.

[bish0p2004]

Maybe it's different because I'm a female.

 

This is the most important point, and no matter how many try to say that it isn't, the dating game is VERY different for men and women.

[Fudgie]

Yeah I can understand that. Very different dynamics/social norms to put up with.

[LightbulbSun]

Everything is about context, man and this seems to be the biggest issue that you're not understanding. How many times have you heard a girl say, "I'm going to kill you!" with a smile and a playful tone, but not actually mean it? CONTEXT, man....context. I said that in my first post originally.

 

If I say something, my tone of voice, the context of the situation and body language all communicate the intention behind your words.

 

If you can't grasp that, then I don't know what to tell you.

 

Oh yes, telling someone who has trouble with body language this is perfect. It's akin to telling a blind man to see!

 

Dude, just...stop. Please.

[bish0p2004]

Oh yes, telling someone who has trouble with body language this is perfect. It's akin to telling a blind man to see!

 

Dude, just...stop. Please.

 

Sure, no problem. You are a victim. You will always be a victim who never takes control over his own life, because he'd rather complain about what he doesn't have rather than putting in the work to actually succeed.