The Games Continue! :P

[rich1]

having a really crumby day today

 

woke up early, and havent stopped thinking about her for more than 5 minutes i cant help but wonder if she thinks about me, if she misses me, if she is okay, how general life is for her at the moment.

 

it has been 11 days NC, the longest ive not spoken to her in over a year - im so close to breaking it and texting her, i wont, but i really want to!

 

its stupid, but im sat here trying to think of ways to get her attention without directly contacting her. im so fed up, i know you will have up days and down days, but the down ones hit me really hard, and it prevents me from wanting to do anything other than sit and sulk about everything!

[rich1]

ok, i relapsed again

 

i text her asking how she was, then literally 5 mins later, her facebook is public again and she has posted something via her mobile...she is doing it to SHOW me she has seen it and ignored it.

i messaged her a few hours later, politely requesting she block me again so im not tempted to see what she is doing, a couple of minutes later her status is: "...Thinks if you don't want to see what I'm doing then don't look at my facebook!!!"

 

firstly i hate myself for yet another setback, and secondly i hate her for becoming this person towards me. its exactly how she was being with her other ex...only he dumped her and hurt her. she has done this all to me and admitted ive not deserved it

 

at least its definitely over now. there really is no chance now she has tried to humilate me in public!

[rich1]

woke up with a pit in my stomach again today. was going through some old clothes, and found a top of hers. usually i would use it as a stepping point to initate contact, however, this time i just threw it in the bin

 

i dont want to be made a fool of anymore, i saw a side of her that i hate when she decided to publicly trash me, a side that shows attention is more important to her than someone she spent a year of her life with.

 

i didnt think of her once yesterday, im praying for more of those days