Dating a divorced man with a child

[azmiranda]

Hi!

I am quite frustrated and I do not know what the solution is...I go back and forth, back and forth.

I met a fantastic, wonderful man 5 months ago. Everything has gone perfectly for us as far as the relationship goes. We click so well, are very happy together, many things in common, on and on....

The problem is he has one son, this child is 14 years old, my guy has been divorced since 2000 and he hasn't had a relationship and this kid is being a butthead about me so I have yet to meet him, if I come over the child will leave, if he wants to take me to an event such as today a 4th of July picnic the child will not attend.

I say that since it has been almost 6 months here something needs to give and this is getting ridiculous and I am afraid it is going to start destroying our relationship.

How long should I be patient considering this guy is perfect and I mean perfect for me in every other way??

 

Thanks,

Azzz

[hurtabandoned]

I wouldn't really put this on a time frame. 14 is a very difficult age and this child is obviously having issues with this relationship. I think you have to be as understanding as possible.

 

Being a child of divorced parents is not easy. Many children may secretly hope that there parents may get back together. If that is so in this case then your prescence would put an end to that hope. That's a hard thing for a child to face. He may also be jealous of the time that you spend with his father.

 

You may want to talk to your man about this. I would be very deicate about it if you go that route. This is his flesh and blood you are talking about. It should ultimately be left up to him as far as how to handle this with his son. You don't want to handle this in a way that would put a wedge between the two of them. That wouldn't help your relationship at all.

 

Good Luck,

Hurt

[kissable]

this kid is 14 right? well i wouldn't be frustrated. i am almost 14, and believeme, i know how it is. it's really hard to be this age. and he is still probably emotionally attached to his mother. even if he wasnt, he would still miss his mother. jus try not to be too inpatient. He probably needs to get use to the fact that his father is in a serious relationship with a nother woman. if you feel the relationship is threatened by his behavior, you should confront his father, your boyfriend, about what u r feeling. he should sit down with his son and have a talk, once the kid is comfortable talking about you, try to get him to join the two of you on a date, something simple, like a coffee shop and keep it strictly PG. be very aware of the fact that he is there. You should get him used to you, and be funny! make him laugh, even if he doesn't laugh, still try to be funny, it'll make him feel that his father is in a good relationship with the right person.

[azmiranda]

The advice that you have given me is what I am doing so far. You really struck the nail on the head by saying that this is his flesh and blood, this is how I feel very much so. We have discussed it and it was kind of making my boyfriend angry at his son and I told him not to feel that way at all and that I do not want to come between them. He should be there for him first and our relationship will fall into place. I guess I will continue to just love him and support him as a Father and just let time take care of everything else. I just needed to vent a bit since today was the 4th of July and once again I didn't get to go to the party with him because of his son....sometimes I let it get me down. Thanks for putting it back in purspective for me.

[mystery]

*raises hand* im 14, parents divorced...and the first time my dad had a gf, i was about 6. i didnt like the lady much at all. if you ever saw the movie "au pair" or somethin like that...i was exactly like one of those little kids to her...dont worry, its not you, its us. we dont wana let go of our parents..cause really he probably still has hope that his parents will get back together or something. Even to this day, if my dad has a new girl friend....it takes me a few months to warm up to them...of course i am a girl, and we r talking about a guy...maybe hell be the same way..i dont know. find out if he has aol instant messanger...if he does pm me and ill give you my sn and ill talk to him about it. maybe then he could realize that its really not that bad

as always

xmysteryx

[hurtabandoned]

I think you are doing a good job. Hang in there and remember not to take it personally. He'll come around.

 

-Hurt