Is it the truth or is she really not interested?

[Shy_Guy993]

I have been friends with a girl for about a month now and we get along great. I asked her out a couple of days ago and she said maybe. Then today I asked her and she said no because she once dated a guy who she was good friends with and it all fell apart and they don't talk anymore. Is her excuse valid or is it just a nice no.

[brokenpogostick]

i would say that it's not exactly fair to you, but if she doesn't feel comfortable in that situation you can't force her to do what you want her to. not all relationships that start out as friendships & grow into more fail, but you'd have to try to find out. i wouldn't press the issue too hard, but maybe mention the fact that you're different from whoever the last dude was & see if she's willing to try then.

[tiger_lilies]

I personally have a hard time telling a guy "no" who's gone out on the limb to ask me out. It might me a nice way of letting you down. If she shows no signs of making other arrangments, I'd back off a bit.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

Just for future reference, Maybe always means no and she's hopping you will just drop it because she doesn't want to tell you the reason. That normally means that you aren't going to get the real reason if you ask. Sorry bro, but it's probably some shallow reason and she doesn't want to fess up.

[Shy_Guy993]

In reply to "maybe always means no" it does not. I have asked out a couple of girls before and they said maybe and eventually said yes. Maybe maybe always means no to you but not to me.

[kali171]

I think that she is giving you a valid answer. It shows that she obviously values your presense in her life. Plus a month is really not long to know someone at all. Good relationships often come out of friendships that last months and even years. So don't let your ego be in the way of still being her friend. It sounds that she's genuine.

[Shy_Guy993]

In note to what kali171 said I have known her for about a year but I have really been getting to know her in the past month sorry if my 1st post sounded like I just met her.

[orange blood]

"no becuase I don't want to ruin the friendship" sounds like a line, but it might not be. As you've said, she's had previous exeperience with it, and it didn't turn out too good. Stuff like this happens. When people try something new/different and the first thing that happens is that it all goes wrong, sometimes it's hard to get back on that horse.

I remember the first time I honestly told someone I liked this girl, and the very first thing my friend does is yell it out to the whole school in the courtyard while the girl is rigth there. Have I ever honestly told somone I know again who I like? No. It's been almost 4 years since and that moment, even though it did lead me to talk to that girl more(still unsure if it was a good thing or a bad thing as well), still is in the back of my head whenever that question comes up.

 

Or she just might have some secret reason why she doesn't want to go out with you and is just using this as the cover up reason. Maybe her friends don't approve of you, her parents even.

There's something about you that she just doesn't want to go out with you, but still not keeping you from being friends, so if it's just that, I bet as soon as she realizes it shouldn't matter, then maybe she'll go out with you.

She migth also just want a good guy friend.

 

I was kind of like you the last month of school. I knew these people(more especially girls) for almost two years through class or whatever. But then come the last month of school, I really started to know them and hangout with them. I even got to volunteer with one girl with her church, and she had only invited people she has known for awhile and even didn't invite some I know she talks to more than me. I didn't think it was that much at first, but once i found out she had only invited around 4 or so people, it made me feel good that I was one of them.

 

so anyways, she has a reason. Whether it's one stated or unstated, she has one. It might be possible for you to convince her that your worth going out despite whatever reason she has. But then again, this might be pushing her away if you just keep trying and trying and she sincerely just wants to be good friends with you and nothing more.

[Shy_Guy993]

In reply to orange blood, I get along with the friends of hers that I know and her parents don't even know me that I know of.

[kali171]

Hey Shy Guy,

 

Either way, she's very clear about what she wants. Don't overanalyze it - you'll end up going in circles. Accept and move on.

[RagingBull]

Just for future reference, Maybe always means no and she's hopping you will just drop it because she doesn’t want to tell you the reason. That normally means that you aren't going to get the real reason if you ask. Sorry bro, but it's probably some shallow reason and she doesn’t want to fess up.

 

Shy_Guy993,

 

I'm going to side with Nifty_Swifty1 on this.

 

More specifically, anything but a "Yes" means "No". If she is trully interested in you she will not refuse a chance to go out on. It's as simple as that.

 

If you ask again later after she said "No" then you will appear needy and desperate. Upon a second request for a date, some girls will be very tempted to say "yes" since they know you'll be their "slave". And no, you can't raise her respect or interest for you by going on this type of date. She will just use you, and you'll just end up getting rejected and hurt.

 

Just stay away from her. If she was just "playing games" with you and was interested then she would chase you down and try to get you to ask her out. Only if she pursues you after a rejection is it OK to ask her out again.

 

I know that this isn't what you want to hear. It's the harsh reality of finding love.

[Shy_Guy993]

Yes I see what you mean. Reality blows don't it, but we are still going to be friends and you never know what might happen from there.