Anyone else having self esteem issues?

[thissuckss]

Ever since my ex and i broke up, my self esteem shot right down. I used to have no problem talking to girls or anything, and when i was with my ex i thought i could get anyone. Towards the end of our relationship, i got my hair cut short, i had like surfer hair before. I kind of want to grow it back but im not sure, i just feel ugly. I went to a few clubs and i couldnt really get any girls, like it made me feel terrible. and one of my other exs that i no longer care about tried hooking up with me like 2 weeks ago and then just hooked up with one of my good friends a few days ago. i just feel so ugly

[WomanWriter]

You're just going through a phase where everything is magnified because you're feeling rejected. I feel that way too...I'm really conscious of my looks, which I never cared about when I was younger. But it will pass. Last year, I took time to lose weight, get some new hobbies, and build up confidence while I was single. I was feeling pretty good about myself physically when I met my (now ex) bf, Brian. Now that I'm single again and getting over it, I feel low again and ugly. But I know it will pass with time because I did before.

 

Just take that situation and others and see past the moment to the big picture. Your hair will grow out again, just be patient. In the meantime, maybe you want to watch your diet, get some exercise, try some new styles. This past winter, I experimented with differenyt coats/scarves/boots and liked the results. Obviously now, I should be doing that again and taking my own advice.

 

But anyway, I am sure you are not ugly. If you were, how would you even have exes to speak of? They were once attracted to you, so others will likely be attracted to you again. Girls probably have to get to know you more to fall for you. That's how I work. I can't really get into someone unless I get to know him. So picking up girls on one night a club doesn't work for you...that's ok! How did you meet your other exes?

 

I know how you feel...but this is temporary. Work on yourself, tell yourself you don't NEED a woman to be attractive for...just go for the styles YOU like and work them. Be confident enough in them. I am struggling with this too, to be honest, but it helps to remember that I went through this before and built back some level of confidence when my ex pursued me. I know it was my confidence at the time that drew him to me because I just felt different. You will get to that place, but it takes time. It took me a year and now I'm back where you are. Not saying it will take YOU a year, but just be patient and focus on hobbies and such to build yourself back up.

[thissuckss]

Thank you very much for such a solid reply, but yeah im 18. I am undecided if i should grow my hair back, bc my ex really likes it short, and some people do, but some dont, and i just feel weird without having it. But the girls ive dated i either met in school or on myspace when it was popular at the time. i've just always had a rebound, and i mean this time i do, its just its not making me feel good. i justt feel i cant get a girl i want. i remember during off periods with this particular girl i did feel confident, bc girls seemed attracted to me, i feel i cant even take a good picture anymore.

[biggestdork]

Im feeling that even more after 4 months later! My ex just got dumped by her new boyfriend too, so now my friends(because they are also her friends) are giving her even more attention... I bet half of them just wants to get in her pants anyway. I want to be the nice guy and help support her too, but the position Im in makes it complicated. Now everybody thinks Im one of the bad guys because Im also her ex, even though she dumped me.

[JoshHimself]

Its common man, every bad emotion usually passes. You need to just hang in there

[OneBrightStar]

I think it's a normal phase of going through a break-up. Mine is shot to hell as well and I'm a lot more self-conscious than normal.

[Hell_On_Heels]

i just feel weird without having it.

 

That's your answer. You feel weird without having your long hair, so grow it back out.

 

It's not about what anyone likes anymore except you. Things like hair style, clothes, friends, hobbies - those should always be about you. I'm all for being flexible and compromising in a relationship, but if my partner thinks he could dictate my personality to me, he's got another thing comin'.

 

At 18 you are finding out who you are. Over the next few years you will find that you care a lot less what other people think. You'll listen to music that you like without worrying if others make fun of you for it, etc...And that is very cool progress.

 

I'm sure you're not ugly, but feeling ugly is a real drag. We've all been there. Feeling ugly has to be addressed.

Our hair/appearance is really a reflection of how we are feeling. It's an announcement to the world of who we are and where we are in our lives.

If you're feeling ugly, it's all about your emotions. Trying to get validation from outside sources (other girls) leaves you way too vulnerable to the opinions of others...and they are only opinions, they are not facts about you. Truth is, some people will like you and some people won't. What does that say about you? Nothing!!

 

Its time to look inside yourself and see what you like about you. It's time to root out some things you don't like about you. This is a lifelong process - everyone has to do it periodically, and we do it for as long as we live.

 

Only you get to judge you. Only you can truly validate you and bring your self-esteem back up again. So, with all that being said, what would make you feel better about you?