Dream that has me bothered....

[Delusional Kisses]

Tiny background on me for those of you that don't know. After a four year on again/off again romantic relationship with me best friend, I decided to finally let him go. We haven't spoken in over a month. I haven't seen him in 6 months. About a month ago, I cut off his cell phone that I was paying for and blocked him from facebook. I no longer have any possible contact with him. Yesterday, I cleaned out my car and threw away anything that belonged to him and then started the same thing in my bedroom. I'm making a fresh start. I've met someone and unless I let the old me go, the new me won't stand a chance. But last night, I had a dream that is bothering me:

 

I dreamed I was sleeping (possibly a dream within a dream..hmmmm). And I heard a knock at the front door. My sister went to answer it. I heard tim's (the BFF) voice. My sister said "she's still in bed" and then my door open. You said my name, but I didn't respond and then the door opened wider and then shut. And then I felt him get into bed with me. I still didn't open my eyes and he was touching me and I just kept my eyes shut and telling myself not to turn around, not to look at him and he would leave and in my mind I kept saying "make him go away (to my sister). Make him leave", but my body wouldn't move and I couldn't say anything. And he was putting his hands all over me and I started crying. And when I started crying, he put his hands over my mouth and nose and I couldn't breathe and I started to panic and I finally jolted out of bed and started running. When I left my room, I wasn't in my house anymore, I was in a cabin and I was trying to hide from him, but he was pounding through the cabin yelling for me and beating on the doors and closets, etc. It was horrible...just horrible.

[odile]

It sounds like even though you are taking action to put him behind you, that deep down you are still struggling.

Just because you have eliminated his physical presence (cut contact, and tossed out memorabilia),

doesn't mean that you have gotten rid of the old memories, and this is what is haunting you.

 

The "new you" is not separate from the "old you";

you are the same person, and the "old you" should be a foundation from which to grow and change.

Moving on isn't about throwing away the old you;

it's about making peace with yourself, and your experiences, so that your history is no longer something to cause you fear and pain.

 

Running from the past, or pretending that it never happened is a form of repression.

What you repress surfaces in weird ways, and keeps the pain fresh.

Rather than letting your past be something that can continue to cause you damage,

try to learn from what your experiences have been.

We cannot erase our memories, but with growth, one can gain the perspective that allows

those memories to stay in the past, where they belong.

 

Find ways to actively process that pain, and work to convert it into positive energy.

This is what will allow the "new you" to emerge whole.

[okiedokiestomp]

Dreams are certainly a way of our subconscious mind trying to communicate with the conscious mind in an effort to resolve the unresolved...they can be disturbing and seem so real (smells, sounds, feelings, etc) but look for the message...sometimes it's humorous (I had a dream of my ex vacuuming and stopping to look at me and tell me it was "ok, sometimes we need professional help"---it felt so real it woke me up I've decided that it was my subconscious working stuff out and telling me it was ok if I needed to talk to someone about my feelings to "clean up" the mess I was going through at the time since I have a habit of keeping things inside---either that or my place is such a mess that she feels only a professional can clean it--HA!! ... my point is that dreams are symbolic for whatever we are working through emotionally.