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Not sure I can do this.


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Hi Everyone,


A Little back ground. I dated a guy for about 3-4 months until he told me he needed some time. I gave him his space without question, and kind of thought he was a goner. Things ended when he told me he needed time, because he didnt excpect to like me as much as he did and just got of a four year realtionship and didnt want me to be the rebound girl. That was the end of November.


Well I got a call last month out of nowhere. A cheery voicemail, saying hi we needed to catch up. I called back and we had a short conversation, during which he told me that he was having his wisdom teeth taken out the next day. I sent him a text the following day saying wish it went well. He responded it did, and I could stop by later if I wanted. Honestly, I thought it was the pain meds talking and didnt respond back. Then about two hours later he sent another one "when am I to expect you. So needless to say I went over. We had a good time, we laughed, joked ect.. He asked me when I was leaving to go to dinner the next night, so we went, again had a good time. Later that week we hung out and as soon as I walked in the door he kissed me. He had asked me if I had met one of his freinds (that does business with us) and I told him I hadnt, and he said I needed to introduce myself to him. When I did the next day his friend said "OOOHHHH, youre suach and such, he speaks very highly of you."


We have hung out a few other times and have had a great time together. Nothing much has happened other than kissing and he says no sex, because right now that just confusses everything.

I told him I had to be honest with him, becuase I was confused. I expalined to him, that he went away, and I had written him off and now he was back around hanging out and I wasnt really sure what was going on... His reply was: " I know I dont want to "f" things up, I really felt bad before, so now I'm taking things at a snails pace, I want you to do all the things you want to do, I never want to hurt you again, so we are starting off as really good friends who care about each other, I like spending time with you and see where it grows"...(that was 2 weeks ago)

We have hung out since that conversation, and again had a blast. But this past week, he has been distant and I havent really communicated with him much...

Should I be worried? This week I have been on pins and needles. I feel like I'm going to drive myself crazy. Does it seem sincere?

Thanks for your imput

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Well it could've been his past relationship that he just wasn't able to commit to you. When someone says the 'needs time' either someone else is in the picture or they simply aren't interested.


He sounds very hot and cold. I would be worried too. I wouldn't put a lot of energy into a guy like this.

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Thank you for your reply,


My friends tell me to try to take it slow. They say they really like him because he has always been honest and up front with me, and for that they give him brownie points.

We have plans as of today to go to a concert in a few weeks, those plans were made when we started talking again, he has mentioned it a few times, while hanging out, making sure he was still going as my date. THis is my favorite band and the first concert we ever went to.

I hate I put this much stress on the situation. I wish sometimes I could just let it go and see what happens.

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Hey Sundrop. Take it from the original rebound girl herself, the best thing you can do for yourself is to be upfront and honest with him about how his behavior makes you feel. If he's being distant and uncommunicative, don't feel shy about saying you've noticed it and that that kind of behavior just doesn't work for you. I've found that guys (rebounders or not) appreciate when you tell them what you need rather than making them guess. If the guy can't or doesn't want to meet your needs, then at least you know right away rather than marinating in a sea of uncertaintly and worry. Even if you get an answer you don't like, it's better than stressing for weeks over it, right?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks Malibu:

I guess I need to find my courage and correct wording to be honest with him and see what happens.. If it scares him off then it wasnt meant to be..


I understand relationships ebb and flow, and sometimes guys pull away, and I'm tring to understand his view that he has a few scares from the recent past and give him a little time and not be pushy.


We have a great time when we are together,we both agree that we have a real attraction for each other, and he says great things to me and about me to other people. I guess when he does the pull away I freak out a little.

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Well it could've been his past relationship that he just wasn't able to commit to you. When someone says the 'needs time' either someone else is in the picture or they simply aren't interested.


He sounds very hot and cold. I would be worried too. I wouldn't put a lot of energy into a guy like this.


I'd like to add that minor (or major) mental issues can also contribute to someone needing space as can simple immaturity.

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Hi everyone,

Well as of right now we still have plans to go to a concert this Friday, so we will see if my conversation we had last night didnt freak him out to much...


We spoke last night just seeing how his day was, becuase the day before was crappy. Yesterday apprently wasnt much better, but I wouldnt want his job right now either. We got on the topic of kind of how things were going with us, and I think I may have gotten put in the "friendship box"..

He said like before, that he does like me and that he cares for me and that he wants us to be friends regardless of what happens, but he wants to take things slow, to ensure that we can always be friends, because he wants me to be a part of his life regardless of how things turn out, and he feels taking things slow and seeing how things progress will do that.. I told him once I cross that friendship line with a guy it's hard for me to go back. I told him I liked him and care for him and want to see where thig goes, but understand that I cant go back to being his "friend". I cant be his "gal pal" and hear later about him dating and wanting to be with someone else, and he said he understood and doesnt want me to be his "gal pal." He's not seeing anyone else, I did find that out. And the conversation was nice, not heated or emotional just a matter of fact tone.


We got off the phone, and nothing was really solved. He appologized and said he sucks at relationships, and he's really excited about seeing me and "we are going to have a blast on Friday"....


Ugghh.. ANy thoughts? Thank you!

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