Ex boyfriend rekindling... Male/Female perspectives NEEDED!

[TrueHeart]

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time with my XXBF. We've pretty much been acting like we're together again. I know that his X still calls him, sends him cards, etc.. even though shes on a church retreat... Sometimes, not always though, she'll call and he doesn't answer, sometimes when Im not there... When he is on the phone with her, he's pretty matter of fact, to the point, and openly tells her that he's hanging out with me/ watching a movie/ at dinner and that he'll talk to her later.

 

Last night, was one of the most memorable nights so far. We spent the whole evening together.. First going to dinner, I washed his truck because I borrowed it to go to work-- which he appreciated the gesture. He did admit to me while at dinner that he was a little sad, but it wasn't because of me. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it.. and he said not really. I don't want to press the issue-- so I just stayed chipper, happy and worked on my attempts to cheer him up by making jokes, and such.

 

It worked.

 

We went back to his apartment, smoked on his hookah while we watched Jurassic Park. I told him I wanted to make an early night of it since I was dying for a good nights sleep. He agreed. We held eachother until the movie ended and I tucked him in bed to leave him.. He said "I love you"-- which was a little strange since I usually always say it first.. This made me feel good.

 

Before I left, I kissed his forehead, and asked him gently.. "Hon, what are we?" -- The question seemed appropriate for the time and the messages I was getting from him. Knowing he was a little sad for whatever reason, he just laid there, and quietly said "I don't know."--

 

I don't feel out of line asking this, as I think its fair to know only to know my place. He was feeling depresssed, but was happy I was with him.. Any insight... I'm totally at a fork in the road here, guys...

[JohnnyRingo]

ok well this may be a little complicated because he was obviously depressed about something and when your depressed and someones at your side to comfort you (especialy an old girlfriend) you sometimes say and do things you normally wouldnt. although i could be wrong and he could really be having feelings toward him. if you have feelings toward him, when hes in a better mood, let him know how you feel. thats the best way to tell because hell let you know if he feels the same way. good luck. just talk to him

[TrueHeart]

Well thats the thing, he does know how I feel, what I've said to him is no different than what I've already told him a dozen times. So its not a question of whether he doesn't know where I'm coming from. About the whole saying things when your depressed.. that is also true, but I don't think so for this particular scenerio. If you get a chance, read some of my other posts I have-- that will hopefully help clear things up for you.. Thanks for the reply Johnny!

[kuhl282000]

Hey Supergirl

 

Some guys are different as to how they express emotions. It sounds to me he has somethings in his mind he has to work out by himself. Guys can and will be macho at times. Sometimes that can be good for us and sometimes bad. If I were to take a guess he is more than likely feeling guilty about something that he is unsure of. And that something might be you. If he said he loved you, and said it first that would be a pretty good sign to me. I don't like the triangle situation however, because someone always get the short end of the stick. However if he is seeing someone else and seeing you at the same time, but telling her he is with you, well just maybe that is his feeble attempt to break things off with her. If a girl I was seeing and then I called her and she told me she was with her ex. Well she would be history pretty quick, it would be as simple as that. You had a very valid question to him, and that could get him thinking, and that is a good thing. Because if you want him back for good, it can't stay the way it is and work out as long as it goes on with a third party. And right now you are the third party, but you have history working for you. And if things go well you may be moving up in the ranks. I think you planted the seed, now all you need is water it and get rid of the one big weed. I wish you the best of luck, I love happy endings. Keep me posted, I love your avatar by the way. Good luck Supergirl !!!

 

Kuhl

 

8)

[a_little_sparrow]

hey supergirl,

 

One other insight I'd like to add to this whole thing is that you guys are still at a fairly preliminary point in getting back together. I think you should take the wonderful gift he gave you (saying I love you first), and be happy about that. It's only been a couple weeks, right? And even with all the charged emotions that brought the two of you together again, there's also baggage attached to those emotions.

 

Though it feels kind of strange quoting a television show, the fact is this rings too true. "Truth takes time." More nights like last night, and you won't have to worry so much about asking a question like "What are we?" Just give it time, and know that it seems like things are going really well.

 

And as for the depression. Remember, even though he wasn't with this other woman so long, he's still pretty fresh from that breakup. As long as you're sure it's you he wants. I wouldn't worry too much about things.

[TrueHeart]

Wow, thanks guys.. Its strange too-- I know she called him the other night and asked him if he had been with anyone, and he answered that he had.. and she guessed me. I guess this hurt her a little, and thats why he was depressed. He says he doesn't want to hurt anyone, but I think its because he needs to make a serious choice--- like I have to with friends with MY Ex-- be friends with her/him, or have a relationship.. Its pretty cut and dry.

 

But, I do forsee this 'baggage' of his in the form of Jenna will come back to haunt me. I've asked him that I don't want to crowd him any, and he alwasy replies that he wants me to do what I want to do.... Well, naturally that is to not hurt him... but apparently, he still carries this strong torch for Jenna-- and I don't want to be the rebound... We'll see what the next few days look like...