Step-familes

[MissyM]

i just wondered what experiences any of you have had with Step-Families and how you have dealt with them.

 

I posted something about this earlier but I brought religion into it and the thread was closed. Anyway questions I just wondered if any of you have gone into marriages where there are older step-children (mine are 18 and 15 and 8 - the older two from his first marriage and the 8 year old from his second marriage - yes I will be wife number 3!).

 

What problems have you encountered and how have you dealt with them (just to give a brief outline, due to their religion, I feel like the the older two look down on us). Have you had any problems with ex spouses? How has it affected you relationship with your partner? What kind of relationship do you have with the ex and the step children?

 

Maybe you are "the ex" and don't like to see your ex being happy with someone else? Would you purposely try and cause trouble for the mother/father of your children to stop them moving on?

 

I know these questions are very general but I would like to hear about other people's experiences so I know I'm not alone.

[MissyM]

Lol, I am alone after all! Thought so

[Cognitive_Canine]

My step dad came pretty late in my childhood (I think I was 12 or 13). It's a rough age for a new parent to come in for most people.

 

But, him and I get along grand. We don't talk that much as he works a lot and he never tried to be my parent or raise me. I was practically raised as is and he let my mom take care of any issues I had. He has gotten my back a few times when my mom was being ridiculous but he mostly stays out of things with me.

 

Don't try to be a parent. Don't try to be a friend. If you make the parent happy and just focus on being a wife while not ignoring the kids, then things will be fine. Don't put your own children's needs above theirs either. Too many step parents come in and want to just erase their partner's past (including their children from the past relationships).

[prettybridge76]

As an ex with a child dealing with a horrific Step-mother situation, I found a great article you may want to read (but I can't post URL's?? Maybe you can find it if you search hubpages -Ex-wives-and-Their-Childrens-Step-Mothers)

 

It won't help too much with the older children situation, but did help me try to understand the "other woman".

If you search Stepmother at Barnes and Noble there are some good books about how to deal with the children that may be helpful.

[MissyM]

Thank you. I had another situation with the younger one this weekend. I didn't realise you are supposed to be able to read children's minds and I find myself getting really short tempered. I struggle to be myself and just relax around the kids. Something I seriously need to address and work on as it is becoming a real issue for me.