so frustrated! why am i feeling like this?

[45caliberlove]

so, once again, i am going to have to humbly ask for the help from the kind people here at ENA.

 

just some quick background information about my situation. broke things off with my ex almost 8 weeks ago because she was "not ready to have a bf". she wanted to keep me around as a friend until she decided, but i became just an option to her, so i decided i had to break things off.

 

was miserable for about a month, absolutely miserable. but then started to heal(been going to the gym a lot, hanging out with friends, etc.). last friday (after 7 weeks of NC), she texted me and asked me if i could send her a picture of the cat we got when we were together. i ignored her, and haven't responded at all (still NC!).

 

i initially felt really good about this. it empowered me to know that i could resist the urge to text her back. however, in the past three days, i have taken a turn for the worse. i feel almost like i'm back a square one. i've been so lonely, anxious, upset, depressed, and angry that i'm starting to freak out. i've been the most miserable person all week. snapping at my co-workers and friends, being totally anti-social. i just feel like, all of a sudden, my life is a mess and that everything has become too much to handle.

 

now, i'm a mess this morning, because i had a dream last night that i was with another girl. in this dream, i was hanging out with this girl i know, but the whole time i was thinking "this isn't right, i'm still in love with [insert ex's name here]".

 

i just want to stop feeling like this. i want to have a good day for once. i want to be back to my normal self.

 

thanks in advance for any support that you wonderful people on this forum can offer me. i just want to be done with all of this, and i'm not sure what to do...

[TurtleDove12]

Dreams wreak havoc on your emotions. They're not real, but they are powerful.

 

Remember that.

 

Think of the things you've been doing to get yourself through these tough times and go with those to distract yourself when it happens.

 

There's no avoiding that emotional pain that the dream causes. Just know that you will not have them every night.

[baxxter]

I am all messed up, too. I feel OK throughout the day and next morning I just can't get out of bed. Sometimes because I am down, sometimes because I am actually not well. (Have been unwell with all sorts of small symptoms since BU.) I skipped work today.

 

But think it's like this now for a reason. Maybe you feel the worst before you get better?

 

Just take one day at a time. I know I have to and will before I lose the job!

 

Good luck x

[45caliberlove]

i know what you mean about not feeling well since the BU.

 

i feel like not only am i an emotional wreck because of all this, but i have not felt "well" physically since it all happened. i'm mostly tired all of the time. been having pains in my neck and back (my therapist says it's from all of the anxiety). and, even though my doctor says that i am in perfect health, i just don't feel healthy.

 

i've been going to the gym at least 4 times a week for the past 2 months. i've been trying to emotionally heal myself as well. and, just when i thought i was getting better, it seems like i have been set back to square one for no apparent reason.