missing him or the relationship?

[katyg79]

Hi

 

I have been doing strict NC and i wanted to right here instead of writing to him

 

I am not sure if i miss my ex or the relationship, he got with someone two weeks after we split up - i finished it but only because 1 i was unhappy at the time for various reasons but 2 because he was fooling around online with others.

 

I go over and over it in my head that it was my fault he did this, i can pin point the exact day he started to stray after an argument and me being very upset about everything. I suffer from depression now and then and low self esteem.

 

He loved and adored me and told me regularly, yes he wasnt nice to me some of the time but i feel very lost without my soul mate. i remember how sweet he was and how he comforted me, maybe i pushed too far without talking, i dont know i could go on and on but it wont help.

He is with someone else now and i have to get used to it. I just dont get that 2 weeks before we split we were talking about our future, he would say he loved me and we would be together forever, yet when i got sad he walked into someone elses arms, am i that unforgettable.

 

i want these sad feelings to pass now 2 months is far too long for me to get myself down.

 

sad k x

[Hell_On_Heels]

You are not the problem. You are not forgetable. Some people just don't have it in them to make a relationship work. They run at the first sign of real trouble or real challenge. I don't know why - maybe they are broken inside? My ex did the same - he left me and we're getting divorced becasue he'd rather live without me than to put any effort into the relationship. That's his pattern, unfortunately I found out way too late.

 

So. What are you doing to cheer yourself up? I suck at this, too, because it seems easier to wallow. But, we do need to get up and get on with our lives eventually. I'm going for a hot bath, some comfy pjs, and cross-stitching in front of the tv. What will you do for yourself?

[katyg79]

i have lots going on with my friends and i have thrown myself into work. i am going on holiday in 8 weeks, camping in 2 and a weekend away next weekend so i am not alone, i am frightened that once all these plans are over i will be left alone, i think it is the loneliness that is the biggest fear. I shared my everything with him and he understood most of the times when i was sad, i guess i pushed him too far. I want the chance to talk and make things work again. i knowi cant now. i keep looking for answers like he is on the rebound and actually misses me, i guess because i dont know he does it makes me worse.

 

I am looking for some kind of regret for what he did, i think tha will help me move on, right now i think i am the only one sad how this ended and he doesnt care.. because i am on nc i will never know..

 

bubble bath and pjs sound good thanks x

[prada]

No, too months isnt enough to heal from something like that. I know what you are going true, but unfortunately, it's been over a year of NC and I sometimes still can't get the thought of the pass out ofmy head. I know it hurts to see him with someone else. I was left for someone else after 4 yrs of being together. It hurts I still suffer from it, but whenever I get a dream Or just remember something, I do still feel down and out of it. So hang in there, time will heal all wounds. We are here for you whenever you need. This site is the best thing, you're gonna get addicted like I did

[Hell_On_Heels]

Loneliness is hard. That was the understatement of the day, huh?

 

Maybe journal to get all the thoughts out that you want to share with him. Or have imaginary conversations. Do whatever it takes.

 

And keep yourself busy. Plan things for yourself - even as simple as cleaning house or listening to a new CD. When you have a list of things to do, it helps.

[sunday2010]

hey I'm going through the same thing.its two months since my breakup.hes seeing somebody else yet i haven't found anybody.It really depressing.

 

he sent me a small letter with not much hope of us getting back together.

 

I can't believe he would be ready to date(5 weeks after the split) somebody new.but as they say the dumper usually has already moved on before dumping us.

 

Its been awful for me as well.Its been two months and I think of him all the time.

 

I am in no way healed after this.I spoke to a guy I am actually rooming with and he broke up and divorced from his wife af 12 years and it took him a year to get over it.so who knows.It will probably be less for me hopefully and you too.

 

I was with my ex for 3 yrs and 10 months and the anniversary of our meeting is JULY 9 only a few days away.so that will be a very very tough day for me.

 

Its so hard to believe he threw it all away!!!!!

[prada]

He'll on heels. I'm right there with u. Long shower, my comfy pj's and a movie or sex and the city re-runs with a snack, lol

 

K u look pretty busy which is great. Keep that up and you'll be fine. Movies always help when you feel lonely.

 

I use to feel like u did at times OP, but, i wished my ex called or missed me etc etc... But like the movie "he's just not that into you" said, if he doesn't call then he doesn't want to. That's what helped me most of the time with the "hope" issue. I use to always think he will miss me and come bk. He never did. He's about to get married. In a couple months... It is so sad!!!!

[prada]

Yea it's hard to believe they are gone. I hate it.

[LilBear]

katyg79,

 

He is with someone else now and i have to get used to it. I just dont get that 2 weeks before we split we were talking about our future, he would say he loved me and we would be together forever, yet when i got sad he walked into someone elses arms, am i that unforgettable.

 

i want these sad feelings to pass now 2 months is far too long for me to get myself down.

 

Just wanted to say that this was my ex as well, he walked out of our 3 year relationship into another one all in under 2 weeks. He was also talking about the future and stuff prior to the break-up. Yea, all of it were lies. But, what I've learnt is that I'm not unforgettable. Neither are you.

 

Anyway, 2 months to me is still too soon to get over someone completely. At the 2 month stage, I was still a mess, so don't be too hard on yourself. People heal differently, and at their own pace. Chin up.

[bart]

I've been broken up with/in no contact with my ex for 2 months now as well. I just wanted to say that I was the dumper too, but I felt forced to be the dumper. He clearly wasn't trying anymore in the relationship, and I couldn't be the only one trying. He said I was the only girl he ever wanted, and the "one", and we talked about marriage/kids/our house, everything!

 

I still don't know if it was lies/telling me what I wanted to hear, or if he was sincere. But, similar to your situation, he got with a new girl in 3 weeks. We'd been together for 1 year. If he really wanted marriage/kids and a house with me..could he have moved on this quickly? I don't know, and I never will, because I plan on keeping no contact until I'm fully healed.

 

I'm still working on losing that 'hope'. I just try to think to myself that since he's with someone else now, he couldn't have been my "one/soul mate." I have faith that eventually I'll heal, and so will you. Keeping yourself busy will really help, at least it does for me. Best of luck.

[TurtleDove12]

Your soulmate? What is your definition of soulmate?

 

Why is it one or the other? You're allowed to miss both. Both make you feel a certain way together, and independently of each other.

 

You're being much too hard on yourself.

[katyg79]

I think i am being hard on myself but i am just missing him soo much. I am following the advice of others going NC and gettingmyself out there and doing things...

 

I am on anti -depressants to help me get through the days so why do i feel on top of the world one day then the next I am sad - i am constantly battling with the bad times and the good times we shared together... i am going round in circles again...