i like you but.....

[Wendy_2008]

we're in two different countries. we were friends for 4yrs+ (not super close but good friends). we had a chance to meet up again and hang out 8 months ago. we had a lot of fun. he invited me to go on vacation with him overseas. and i did. it's been 3 months. he's been giving mixed signals. he told me before ..he doesnt want me to get attached, he says excessive attachment isnt healthy for a relationship or friendship. does it make sense to anyone?

he still talks to his ex, that's why i think it was nothing but a fling to him from day 1.

 

i like you, we have great chemistry but i think you might be too emotional for me .... i can't say i didnt see this coming but it still hurts. he wants to remain friends i told him it's very unlikely. i can't help but think he never wanted anything serious from the start. am i being paranoid here?

[wheatgrass82]

you are not being paranoid. you proly wish you were but nope... all signs point to yes..... he didn't want any attatchment... it didnt take a magnifying glass to figure it out... those were his words. well all get hurt when we get more attached to someone than they do to us... we've all been there. you are totes right. dont stay friends if there is no benefit to you in staying friends. not saying be enemies.. but now you can broaden your horizons.... cut him loose cos sounds like he's driving you batty. pain will go away. sometimes pretty quick.... remember though... it's not your fault and there's nothing that could have been done to avoid this, sounds like your fate was sealed from day 1 with this clown x

[Lastchallenge]

THAT'S the new line i'm gonna use on women.. "don't get attached" becuase I'm

talking to

my x an I don't want a relationship.. Seems to work everytime

[MalibuOne]

he told me before ..he doesnt want me to get attached, he says excessive attachment isnt healthy for a relationship or friendship.

 

i like you, we have great chemistry but i think you might be too emotional for me ....

 

I've learned to listen when they say stuff like this - they mean it. When I hear words like "I'm not looking for anything too serious" or "It's not you, it's me", I take them at their word and walk. I'm worth more than that and so are you!

[orillia]

lol!!

 

I had a FWB thing w/ a guy who told me right off the bat that he wasn't ready for a rel'ship. He was going through a divorce.

 

I started to feel pretty close to him, so we decided to cut it off.

 

Well, now he's well past the divorce, and you'd think he's "ready", but we're still just friends. Meanwhile, he's on a dating site looking for someone.

 

Sucks, but that's what happens when you get involved w/someone who's unavailable from the start.

 

THAT'S the new line i'm gonna use on women.. "don't get attached" becuase I'm

talking to

my x an I don't want a relationship.. Seems to work everytime

[odile]

You're not being paranoid, but it does sound like he was looking for a bit of fun, and you are ready for something deeper.

You say: "he told me before ..he doesnt want me to get attached"

and then you say: "i can't help but think he never wanted anything serious"

 

Well, yeah, that pretty much says it all.

Maybe he thought he was ready for or wanted something more serious, but now is not sure.

You've been friends for 4 years, and most people would not gamble fast and loose with such a friendship...

so my guess is that he does care for you... just not the way that you want him to.

And there's no guarantee that that would ever change.

 

The ex girlfriend may not even be relevant here...

MAYBE he's realised that he is still interested in her, or maybe they really are just friends--

but it really doesn't matter, because he's told you that he doesn't want you to be serious about him.

 

If anything more might develop between you, it certainly won't be right now, and pushing things won't help any.

My advice would be to back off, and give yourself some space and time to get over the idea of him as a romantic partner. But don't slam any doors...

If he has been upfront with you (not lying or cheating) then it would be sad to throw away a friendship.

Even if you feel hurt right now, you may change your mind later, and wish you could go back to being 'just friends'.