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Any words of advice for my rut?


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So today is my 27th Birthday. What a doozy!


Has anyone been in a similar situation where everything changed so much in a year? Here is my long story short as I find it difficult to read through other people's long posts so I'll try and keep it as simple as I can.


1. Dad died of Cancer 3 years ago

2. Boyfriend of 3 years left me 1 week after my Dad died

3. All my "friends" have abandoned me to go out clubbing every weekend and hang out with my ex

4. The remaining friends I do have after the break-up really don't make a lot of effort with me

5. I'm lonely, really lonely


Reading through all this makes me feel like I am the biggest loser but has anyone else ever experienced a time when everything just snowballed and you had to start all over again?


I'm feeling very alone and isolated in my feelings and just want to know how to see the bright side of all of this when I'm feeling so dark.



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It sounds like you feel very isolated and trapped. The loss of your father must have been devastating for you and it sounds as though it continues to haunt you.


It sounds as though you had a group of friends who's interests seriously strayed from your own, and your ex's departure was at a far less than opportune time.


Rebuilding your life can take quite a while, but when I read what you wrote, I don't read words that sound like they come from a loser. It is a list of hardships and tragedy, that you have been forced to endure, it is through these hardships that you will have grown and now you are at your 27th birthday, another step forward.


What would you like to do? What do you enjoy?

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I am so sorry you are feeling in a rut. I was in a rut when I was in my 20's too.


1) No friends

2) Gained a lot of weight

3) A dead end job with no future and low salary

4) No boyfriend.


I got out by:


1) going to the gym at least 3 times a week

2) Joined link removed and link removed and went in a lot of dates with no expectations and just to have a good time and meet new people.

3) Started applying 24/7 for better jobs

4) Joined a graduate program and met a lot of new people

5) Joined link removed website. It has all kinds of clubs for you to meet people who are interested in the same things you are


I also would recomend you go and get involved with your church or community and also in the internet, there are women only volunteer trips and travel and go visit a place you always wanted to go. There are some companies that match up women and you get to meet someone new.


Good luck

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Thank you for taking the time to reply Bar35.


Well, that's the thing, from all this heartache has come a lack of motivation. I go to the gym every day and I do get out with 1 or 2 good friends that I d have most weekends, but as for a hobby, I don't really have one.


I feel like when Dad died and my ex left, I lost that spark that made me who I was. I guess that's what I mean when I said I had to start over again. I'm still trying to figure out who the hell I am these days and what will make me happy. I think it's all just going to take time and persistence!

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Thanks for the reply kristinasieh:


Your suggestions were most helpful and I will be sure to give it a go. I do the gym every day and I'm lucky enough to be in a job that I love, however, I would like to further my studies so I will look into that and I am on a dating website so I will force myself to go on more dates.


I have been on a few dates but I always felt terrible after because it's all just too scary and hard! Sometimes I feel like I'll never meet anyone who I feel as strongly about like I did with my ex and sometimes I'm just too scared to make the effort because I don't want to be hurt again. I think I have a lot of complicated emotions and I don't know how to sort through them all.


I have been to see someone and they think I'm doing well and that I just need to give it time and let myself heal. But it's been 3 years, how much longer does it take!!!


Take care.

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Its your birthday and you can cry if you want to, cry if you want to. Happy Birthday Frippy


I'm so sorry your feeling down and you've been suffering for a long time. Have you tried therapy? Do you know why your hanging on to your old relationship? Was it a good relationship? How long were you together?


I can understand why you feel the way you do about your father, it must have been hard for you to see him suffer. What kind of cancer was it? Did you have a chance to really talk to him? It sounds like you loved him very much, I don't think he would want you dwelling on his death for this long. Think about all those good times you had with him.


As for friends, I think as we get older we find out who our real friends are. You say your friends don't make an effort, do you? Do you sit around and pity yourself (no harm intended) because if you do then maybe they don't want to be around negativity all the time.


What do you do with your time? Do you work, school? Do you keep yourself busy, so that you don't have time to constantly think about being depressed? Have you tried finding a new man, you are only 27, and YES that is still young.


What I'm saying is stop trying to relive the past, it will not change no matter how much you think,stress,wish it will. Start living for your future.


Good Luck

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