i'm a detriment to the relationship?

[seanbo0]

My girlfriend has a been completely and utterly depressed all the time. She can't find how to be happy anymore. 7 months together and we have seen eachother almost every weekend sicne we've been going out.

 

i felt crushed when i was told that I was a detriment to her sanity. She wants time apart and hopes that we'll get back together.

 

I mean none of you really know me but the reasons she told me im a detriment is because of all the little things, like for example i got upset that she didnt call me on my 4 month (month-a-versary), when she went out clubbing with her friends. I mean I love that she goes out and has fun, it's just that she didn't even drop me a response to my text message saying, "i love u, happy 4 months"

 

She says she still loves me.

I know i still love her.

 

I felt very upset and shocked and she braught up all very small problems that we've been through and never said anything about. She bundled em all up and dropped them all on my head 2 nights ago. I was very upset about that she didn't tell me how much they hurt her. So communication is also an issue here.

 

I'm giving her all the space she needs. I have no problem with that. I just feel this overwhelming feeling of guilt and disgust with myself and the things i was blind to.

 

I ask myself....

I was told I hurt her but does she realize how much that hurt me?A

Will we get back together? and What is this thing called "Destiny to be or not to be"?

Will I want to get back together after such deceiving that when i asked her "How are you?" she would say fine. And now it's more than obvious that she's not.

Her not putting herself before me to solve her problems with depression. so am i the detriment to the relationship? or is she?

 

All in all after 2 days I am not sad anymore. I hope she gets better but if she doesn't should i prepare myself for not being back together?

 

thanks a ton every1 for reading

I know its complicated but try to post ure thoughts

[seanbo0]

Please some1 tell me what they think.

[kojac]

Sounds familiar. Let her know how you feel to...but make sure she's calm when you do it. My gf and I are on a 1 month break, but that's a different issue. She's scared of getting too deep in the relationship, and wants a little time to make sure she knows what she wants. So it's all in limbo. Blah. Anyway, it's miserable. But, for your problem, it sounds like you need to just set aside more time when you two can pour it out. Think of it as mutual psychotherapy.

[OceanEyes]

For starters, if you're sure that your girlfriend is depressed, then you're probably not the problem, it's her. If she's used to bottling up her feelings and never opening up about them to people she trusts, that's only going to ruin your relationship in the end.

 

As a person who has been through a mild depression, I can say that having a person in your life who loves you and cares about what happens to you is probably one of the most important steps on the road to recovery - and happiness. However, if she's pushing you away and blaming you for her unhappiness, she's just not being fair. If she hasn't been communicating with you about issues she has, how are you supposed to know how to fix it?

 

Keep in mind here - it's not your job to keep her happy. Your role in the relationship shouldn't be to give her a sense of self-worth, she should be trying to achieve that on her own. It sounds like she needs to take some initiative in her life and get it on track herself.

 

People who keep their anger and sadness to themselves and let it blast out when they get really mad are dangerous - to themselves and the people who care about them - which includes you.

 

I recommend writing her a letter. Let her know that you feel terrible about how things have gone, but that you wished she would have been more open about her feelings, so that you would have more of an idea what was upsetting her. You can't fix something you don't know is broken. It sounds like you don't know her as well as you thought you did, right now all you can do is let her know that you'll always be there for her when she needs to talk, that you'll never judge and that you care about anything she has to say. Just be there. If that doesn't work, give her some space to sort out her own issues - because she obviously has some.

[seanbo0]

I just found out that she was going out with another guy 2 days before she break out with me. A ton of bricks just hit me in the face. I forgave her. I had been there for her. Im dieing on the inside. She lied and told me she wasn't ready for a relationship

 

Now this changes everything.

 

Thing is she didn't tell me. I found out from someone else.

 

What should I do? tell her?

 

She still wants to be friends? How can a friendship exist with such deceptions.

 

I feel soo horrible

[seanbo0]

I want to write her an email. I think its a little too harsh and I know she still wants to be friends. Should i?

 

It is going to ruin if i do sent this. Should i?