Sending online messages on dating sites..

[lanceberry]

Hey girls and guys..

I'm somewhat confused on what to write on messages being sent to potential mates/date etc... as I am new to the scene of on-line dating so can anyone share their knowledge if any on this subject.

 

Many thanks

 

Help will be appreciated..

[HouseKitten]

First off, don't repeat exactly what you've already got in your profile. When you send someone a message, they will likely click your profile to see more about you, so repeating the same stuff (apart from relevant 'we have the same interests!' comments) looks lazy.

 

Read their profile carefully first and pick out the things that draw you to that person. Do you both share a love of scifi? Both like eating out? Use those similarities, or things they said that you liked, and mention them. It shows you actually read their profile before messaging them - many don't.

 

Don't make it too long, don't make it too short. Anything along the lines of 'hi babez fancy a date' is awful. Too long and you risk repeating yourself or sounding boring. Keep it light, introduce yourself, mention what stood out to you about them, ask a couple of questions so they have something to reply to. That's a good tip for keeping conversation going - ask questions! I messaged a guy back and forth for a while who was very hard going, because all he did was answer my questions then wait for a reply. I think he asked me maybe one question over 6+ emails. It's hard work trying to write back to someone who's not showing an interest by asking you more about yourself.

 

Good luck

[BriarRose]

House Kitten has good advice. The most important thing is to personalize it. Nothing is worse than getting an email that you know is the same email someone has sent to 5 other women. Keep it short, but definitely make reference to something in her profile, preferably a common interest that you share.

[MalibuOne]

My personal feeling is that I hate the ones who send nothing but a "hi". I mean, what am I supposed to say back other than hello? The ones I'm most likely to respond to are the ones where they make a comment or ask a question about something in my profile...kinda gets the ball rolling. One other peeve I have are those that want to email interminably without meeting. I give it a few rounds and if it looks like we're going to send 20 more emails about our hobbies, then I call it a day. I'm sure you'll get lots of different responses...everyone's got their own style, I'm sure.

[BriarRose]

My personal feeling is that I hate the ones who send nothing but a "hi". I mean, what am I supposed to say back other than hello? The ones I'm most likely to respond to are the ones where they make a comment or ask a question about something in my profile...kinda gets the ball rolling. One other peeve I have are those that want to email interminably without meeting. I give it a few rounds and if it looks like we're going to send 20 more emails about our hobbies, then I call it a day. I'm sure you'll get lots of different responses...everyone's got their own style, I'm sure.

I agree with all that. And definitely do send an email, not a "wink", or whatever. I don't even respond to those, they show no effort.

[lanceberry]

I agree with all that. And definitely do send an email, not a "wink", or whatever. I don't even respond to those, they show no effort.

 

The first thing i did was to send winks i sent around 4 winks..

 

With like a compliment saying..."nice eyes , nice dress etc.."

 

Not very cheesy however i am not expecting any winks in return..

[MalibuOne]

^^^. And no references to sex. At all. Remember, we don't know you from Adam. For all we know, you could be a crazed serial killer looking for your next victim, so dont say anything that might set her alarm bells off. Seriously. Smart women are safety conscious first. Also, I get a lot of responses where the guy is clearly looking for casual sex, I'm sure other women can relate to this, and as a result, I tend to be really wary about what are probably legitimate responses.

[BriarRose]

The first thing i did was to send winks i sent around 4 winks..

 

With like a compliment saying..."nice eyes , nice dress etc.."

 

Not very cheesy however i am not expecting any winks in return..

 

Oh....

Did anyone respond to the winks? Anyways, I feel you will be better off sending emails. And no sex references, like Malibu says. You will be fine!

[MalibuOne]

The first thing i did was to send winks i sent around 4 winks..

 

With like a compliment saying..."nice eyes , nice dress etc.."

 

Not very cheesy however i am not expecting any winks in return..

O.K., see these are the ones I won't respond to. Makes me think they didn't even read my profile. Got one that said, I just wanted to send you a note to tell you I really liked your pictures and profile... He then asked a question about something I wrote. I responded to that one.

[lanceberry]

yes i'll give it a try make it around 3-4 lines but to the point..

[lanceberry]

O.K., see these are the ones I won't respond to. Makes me think they didn't even read my profile. Got one that said, I just wanted to send you a note to tell you I really liked your pictures and profile... He then asked a question about something I wrote. I responded to that one.

 

I see...

 

"Hey im syed just wanted to know more about you, i find the music section of your profile interesting as i find your taste appealing as i listen to the same music"

 

How is that..?

[MalibuOne]

NOW you're talking! You've given her something to work with. Good luck!

[BriarRose]

I see...

 

"Hey im syed just wanted to know more about you, i find the music section of your profile interesting as i find your taste appealing as i listen to the same music"

 

How is that..?

 

Sounds good. Maybe throw in a direct question, too...such as "do you listen to ________? "

[lanceberry]

NOW you're talking! You've given her something to work with. Good luck!

 

 

 

Thanks for that I will send a few messages now..as you are a female what messages do you reply to compliment their appearance , talk about what they like etc..

[HouseKitten]

What you wrote is good - I would make a point of saying 'I listen to so-and-so as well' rather than just 'I listen to the same music'. You do get men sending out mails that say 'I feel we have loads in common after reading your profile' but fail to say what, and that usually indicates someone who hasn't read it at all and has a copy+paste message at the ready whenever they see a picture they like.

[lanceberry]

Sounds good. Maybe throw in a direct question, too...such as "do you listen to ________? "

 

cheers i will...the thing is i listen to trance/techno and not many girls listen to it..well maybe 1 in 20 may do..

[MalibuOne]

Housekitten is right. Nothing worse than generic emails.

 

And, I prefer that there isn't a lot of comments on my looks other than a nice "I really liked your pictures." Then I know he's attracted and any other compliments he wants to give can wait until we meet.

[lanceberry]

What you wrote is good - I would make a point of saying 'I listen to so-and-so as well' rather than just 'I listen to the same music'. You do get men sending out mails that say 'I feel we have loads in common after reading your profile' but fail to say what, and that usually indicates someone who hasn't read it at all and has a copy+paste message at the ready whenever they see a picture they like.

 

ahh i see so tailor your message to each girl you message..I'm not particularly creative but i'll try to be more creative..

[HouseKitten]

ahh i see so tailor your message to each girl you message..I'm not particularly creative but i'll try to be more creative..

 

It doesn't really require creativity so much as just an ability to read and then remember details like what music she likes, what her hobbies are etc etc. Considering you could have two windows open at once, you don't even have to remember it, just refer back to her profile as you write her an email.

 

But yes, individually tailoring a message is important. I have ignored more messages than I've replied to on dating sites because a lot of them come from guys who don't give any indication that they've actually read anything on your profile. Pretending and just writing something vague and non-committal like 'it seems like we have loads in common' without mentioning what is very obvious, so if you're not that kind of guy, you have to put more work into it. And I say work, but it's not much to expect someone to read your profile before sending you a message it'll be easier than you think.

[lanceberry]

yea true say but it can't be too cheesy or corny..

 

I need to be more creative...thanks for the tips guys and girls...i'll send a few messages before i go to bed..and need to awake to a barrage of messages..

[mixie]

I see...

 

"Hey im syed just wanted to know more about you, i find the music section of your profile interesting as i find your taste appealing as i listen to the same music"

 

How is that..?

 

Thats sounds pretty good! I would add a question on the end, maybe asking her what her favorite band is. That way she has something to continue the conversation. Sometimes with me, if the guy would just write out a statement I had a tough time responding to the email. The girl might not want to have to go through the guys profile herself and try and find something in his profile to keep the conversation going. I know that sounds lame, but it true.

 

Don't do winks they are lame. Send a personal message to the girl, so it shows that you take the time to read her profile and are interested in her.

 

Oh, and use spell check. There were so many messages that just had really bad spelling and use messages like "u r $uper hotz" or just a single message in the title and when you go to open the email expecting a message it's just blank.

 

Like other said keep it to just a couple sentences. One time i got a whole book basically of all the guys poems that he wrote that were supposed to sweep me off my feet. I literally had to scroll down to get to the bottom. It was that long. If it's too long the girl my get bored and move on.

 

I hope this helps a bit