Introverts VS. Extroverts

[Traveler27]

I've been an introvert all of my life, and although I am able to socialise and be around people when necessary, for the most part I am much more at peace when I am on my own. Like a true introvert, I find spending any significant of time around other people to be draining, and soon need to retreat to my own space.

 

I'm at a point in my life where I wish I had some more extrovert tendencies, as these people seem to do better in life in terms of career and social life. Particularly now, at a time when I really need to 'put myself out there' so to speak. I am looking for work, and I've been told networking will really help in this process. How can I do this? I am uncomfortable speaking to people unless it's necessary. I know that may sound f'd up to some people, but it's how I've been for most of my life, and I know it's not something I can change overnight, however, I would like to work on myself in this area.

 

Can any introverts commiserate? Do you ever find life overwhelming and just need to be in your own space, alone? Do you wish you weren't this way? I need to find a moderate balance, as I think I am becoming too introverted and it's not going to serve me well if I keep it up.

[JusticeLaw9]

Before I became a officer I was an introvert by heart. I hated being around large groups of people or having to go up and be the conversation-starter; it just wasn't in my nature to do that. So now all of a sudden, I'm in this new field, I'm meeting all these different kind of people involuntarily and the only way for me to prosper on was to change. So I started talking more, coming out of my shell more and getting better at being more assertive, open and willing to reveal myself.

 

Now, I'm not suggesting you take the same route as I did. It just so happen that in my line of work I have to be more assertive and more willing to engage others to get to where it is that I need to be. At home, I can be the complete opposite - very to myself, laidback, not shy.. just not as talkative and as outgoing as I have to be at work. So if not personally, then professionally it can definitely help you to get ahead.

 

As far as networking, I read that you're looking for work. What kind of work? Start from there. Start preparing yourself for interviews and building your resume to tailor the position that you're looking into. Is there a local community or university college near you? Start there, ask for some tips to help with job hunting. You'll probably meet up with some folks there, introduce yourself. Be social, it's not going to hurt. The worse that can happen is people ignore you. But you got to be more proactive and just let it fly.

[livelarge]

I can commiserate. I'm an introvert. I can spend weekends without speaking to a single person and feel like I haven't missed a thing. I totally crave time alone.

 

Sometimes I wish I wasn't this way, but most of the time I'm comfortable in my own skin. It can be a lonely existence especially in times of crisis, but it's the life I chose so I learn to deal with those times.

 

What helped me was getting into model photography. I have to interact with strangers in order to take their picture. At first I couldn't believe that I was actually doing it, but now it's just another part of who I am. If there's a hobby that you have that can put you in a group of people, you may find yourself willing to talk more because it's something you are passionate about.

 

Also practice making small talk whenever you can. At first it will feel fake and stupid, but it will help you learn to socialize with people you really have no desire to. I use to avoid small talk like the plague, but so many people crave it and use it to feel connected that it's necessary. So practice on the cashier at the grocery store, the neighbor, anybody that says a pleasant hello to you.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm an outgoing introvert. As in, my energy comes from within and my alone time but I can definitely handle social situations and excel in them quite often.

 

However, if someone else heads for the elevator, I'll opt for the stairs to avoid having to talk to them.

 

I literally have to push myself to go to things I don't want to. Even though I don't like being there, it makes me feel better about being an introvert because I know I'm not missing out on anything by staying alone. However, if that event is a party with a bunch of well known friends, I love it. So, I have to find a niche of sorts where I have a close group of friends who likes to hold events often.

 

If I don't go out and be apart of the extrovert world, I start getting this awful itch and anxiousness that I'm missing out on something great and I need to DO something. That itch comes along every month or so.

[LousySpy]

I hear you loud and clear Traveler27. I feel exactly the same, always have and I'm 31. It's only very recently that I feel like it might be holding me back, though. Perhaps because I've now had my first 'real' relationship and self reflection since it failed for a second time has led me to believe my introverted nature contributed to me letting someone special slip through my fingers.

 

Unfortunately, I can't offer much beyond that as I'm only just beginning thinking of even adjusting. And even then, I still regularly drop back onto 'I am who I am' thoughts so it's a limbo between considering a change for the potential doors it could open, and self acceptance.

[hopefulromantic79]

I,too, am an introvert, but it does not affect my life that much. I have had to grow into a more social/talkative person, which was good for me, but I do prefer spending time in small groups, one-on-one or alone.

 

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert! It really isn't a negative thing - I think people fall into the trap of fitting into what society says we "should" be .... it's nonsense, really. You can try and try and try to change your inherent nature, but that is a waste of time when you could be enjoying life, yourself and others you invite into your inner circle.

 

Can you get better at socializing/networking? Yes. You can practice and by doing so, that will help develop your skill, because that's what these things are, skills. Even extroverts have to work on them to a certain extent. Will you ever feel comfortable doing it? Probably not. Introverts are highly introspective and therefore feel weird when trying to be someone they are not. But it will help you do develop the skills since they are needed in business, life, etc. Plus, introverts (contrary to popular belief), need to socialize like everyone else! It's a human need to have connections to people and you can't do that by sitting home alone, right?

 

Take baby steps, ask people for help (like you are doing) and just embrace who you are and know there are tons of others just like you!

[Squiggy]

I understand well as I am too am introvert. At my work and many people don't believe me, because I spend most of my time telling people what to do, how to do it right, and I converge into social conversation. But when my thoughts become blurry from all the events around me, i recharge myself by finding a quiet place, and just stare at the wall, or at a tree; just peaceful and quiet. I also know, if i don't give myself that peaceful moment, i become irritable and destructive in a sense that i don't behave like myself. So that need is very important for me. It is why I know I am introvert.

 

Before I got to this level, I spent a lot of times with friends who are extrovert. I pick up on things, their behavior with others, how they are in a party; pretty much had to learn it through experience and see all the qualities that I wish I have. Then I started asking this question "how do people make friends." And sure enough, one whole week I asked everyone at my work, even asked strangers who shops in the grocery store that I work, until i was able to agree for myself the final answer to that question. So I say to you, ask your colleagues, your current friends, your boss, and dare yourself to ask a complete stranger. In the end of it, see yourself how you make friends, and how extrovert really differs from you as an introvert. The next step is bridge the gap from the two personalities and apply it to what you want to accomplish.

 

Introverts can network as well, if not, better than extroverts. And I'd rather be introvert because it makes more sense for me, and because I think we are better