This Loneliness Is Killing Me

[dancingcolors]

I hope I don't post too much, but I guess I need it as a venting tool. I guess that is partly what it is for.

 

I am just having such a hard time with my loneliness. It is killing me. I mean loneliness for a love relationship, not loneliness in general. I live with a 32 year old single dad and a 1 1/2 year old, so I am with people in my house. I am good friends with the dad, for 5 years, so it is very comfortable.

 

I miss so much having someone. It makes my stomach tense, my cells feel sad. I just long for someone to rub my neck, shoulders, feet, in a loving way. I feel stressed out all the time. I am always on the verge of tears, and in tears at least once a day. I miss having someone who is my close, best, intimate friend, who knows all the little details of my life. I miss being held all night, holding hands and sitting close watching a movie. I miss romantic dates. I can hardly stand it.

 

I do get out, I do things. I am going to a crafts show for the weekend today to sell. Nothing compares to being with that special someone.

 

And then there is the processing of my ex dumping me, and thinking of him walking away with the other woman, and still not understanding why to all of that. That is kind of slowing down. The missing of him, the longing for him. But it is only being replaced with this deep feeling of longing and loneliness.

 

I live in Corvallis, Oregon. It is a wholesome, safe, uptight town, where people don't acknowledge each other too much. I am here for the summer, then I don't have a clue where I might go. At this point I would settle for a summer fling, with a loving, supportive person.

 

I had a date last week, off of craigslist,( I have another post about Craigslist). It was fun, he said he had a great time, but nothing. Haven't heard a word.

 

OK, that is my vent. Thanks.

[TurtleDove12]

Yes, the loneliness is incredible. You're used to feeling like someone loves you through and through. And you miss the human & loving touch. I miss these things too. It makes you feel incredibly alone, and you miss them a lot.

 

I also think about what my ex is doing...I thought out loud to myself yesterday...how many guys has she been wish since the breakup.

 

First of all...definitely recommend having a dog or puppy around. Very helpful.

 

Secondly, remind yourself of a few things...this is going to suck, by the way, but ever since I started doing this, I've started to heal.

 

1. My ex is probably in relationships with other people. She's happy with someone who isn't me.

 

2. My ex is probably sleeping with other people. She's being intimate with someone who isn't me.

 

3. It's none of my business now. I have to get over this and move on.

 

4. If I'm not enough without her, I'll never be enough with her.

 

DEFINITELY face the pain HEAD FIRST. I think distractions and fun are wonderful things...but if you embrace your pain, you can deal with it and understand it, and then eventually let it go.

 

I'm really sorry for your pain. I'm proud of you that you could go out on a date. That's more than I could do at this point.

[dancingcolors]

I KNOW my ex is still with the woman he left me for last year. He showed up at my work 2 weeks ago, with her, after completely ignoring me for 15 months. Yeah, it has been fun lately.

 

I don't have a puppy, but I live with and take care of a 1 1/2 year old. That is kind of like a puppy.

[TurtleDove12]

I KNOW my ex is still with the woman he left me for last year. He showed up at my work 2 weeks ago, with her, after completely ignoring me for 15 months. Yeah, it has been fun lately.

 

I don't have a puppy, but I live with and take care of a 1 1/2 year old. That is kind of like a puppy.

 

Haha that's a fun comparison

 

It's difficult facing what your facing. Try your best to accept it. I know it's easier said than done.

 

If the guy's been ignoring you for 15 months, how much is he really worth to you?

[dancingcolors]

Well, seeing him actually is helping me let go more. Painful process. He was worth everything to me before that. I realized it was like I was frozen in time with him. I was frozen in the time when we were close, and everything was good. Seeing him is helping me defrost, and the thawing is hurting really bad, and the loneliness is part of it. Yeah, I am letting go of him, but what do I have left?? I still really do miss what I had with him, but I think at least I am moving into present time and not living in the crazy fantasy of reliving the past all the time. This is a very hard process,losing the love of your life. Sigh........

[TurtleDove12]

Well, seeing him actually is helping me let go more. Painful process. He was worth everything to me before that. I realized it was like I was frozen in time with him. I was frozen in the time when we were close, and everything was good. Seeing him is helping me defrost, and the thawing is hurting really bad, and the loneliness is part of it. Yeah, I am letting go of him, but what do I have left?? I still really do miss what I had with him, but I think at least I am moving into present time and not living in the crazy fantasy of reliving the past all the time. This is a very hard process,losing the love of your life. Sigh........

 

Yes. It's the hardest thing an individual has to go through.

 

What do you have left? You have you. A caring person, capable of loving and being loved in return.

 

I know it's hard, but you're making progress.

[dancingcolors]

I have me, but it isn't too easy to hold myself in the night. I am lonely company......

[TurtleDove12]

I have me, but it isn't too easy to hold myself in the night. I am lonely company......

 

I know. There's really nothing but time that can make things easier.

 

TurtleDove thinks you're cool...what now?

[moving]

1. My ex is probably in relationships with other people. She's happy with someone who isn't me.

 

2. My ex is probably sleeping with other people. She's being intimate with someone who isn't me.

 

3. It's none of my business now. I have to get over this and move on.

 

4. If I'm not enough without her, I'll never be enough with her.

 

Yes, this. So true. I spent months and months worrying about this - not wanting to know, *wanting* to know, listening for any hint in our conversations that he was dating again or interested in someone new - and then completely freaked out when I got the news that it was true. I'm actually surprised how much it's helped me to internalize and deal with each of the four things that you listed. Well, #4 isn't too relevant to me for a lot of reasons, but #1-3.