SHOULD I BE MAD?

[summerdreams]

I've been with my bf for 10 months now. We only get to see each other on the weekends because we live kind of far and we had school during the week. Anyways he made plans with me for this weekend, he told me to come over to his house the next day and that i would sleep over etc. So I went all the way into town, and i called him on his cell when i got there and he told me that his friend had invited him to go up north and he tried calling me but i wasn't there (obviously i wasn't there i had left to go to his house)...anyways i started to get really annoyed and frustrated because i feel like he didn't even want to see me this weekend and it took me an hour and a half to get there. He had already gone up north during the week with his friend because his exams were over...and he only gets to see me on the weekends and he just ditched me. Anyway i was all alone downtown carrying my big sleep over bag , talking to him on a payphone and for some reason i just started to cry. I couldn't get a hold of myself..and i just felt so upset. Also as we were talking, i made a mistake about something and he called me retarded which made me feel really stupid and like i don't know anything. By the way he's turning 21 in august and i'm 17 so there is a bit of an age difference. I hate it when he makes fun of me for not knowing certain things, i start to doubt if i'm actually smart but when i ask my friends about it they don't know anything about it either. Anyway my question is what should i do? I'm still mad...should i be? My prom is next weekend and he's taking me, i really don't want to be upset on that night...just give me any advice because i don't know how i should act.

[romantic sweetheart]

Yes, you should be mad, my dear. What he did was wrong, plain and simple. You went out of your way to spend what precious few hours you could with him--and then he made other plans. Dearheart, that's an obvious mistake on his part. His indifference to your feelings is unacceptable. And as for calling you retarded--absolutely unacceptable. My sweet, he needs to know that this type of behaviour is wrong. I would firmly and clearly explain that you will not tolerate this kind of treatment. Love is soft, not hard and unfeeling. Love understands and embraces, not pushes away with name-calling and indifference. Your young heart need not be subjected to such callousness. Tell him that he was wrong on all parts this weekend, then let him be for awhile. He owes you an apology, and a sincere one. And that means what he did and said will not happen again.

 

Love is what lifts us up, not dissolves us to tears of pain. Remember that you only have asked to be loved----and for the love you have given, you should be cherished, a priceless gift is love........

[charmed]

Hi Summerdreams,

 

You have done nothing wrong - infact, quite to the contrary. That is the first thing you need to remember in this situation.

 

The age gap: 17 to 21 : don't worry about it, it's not that big really.

 

The situation:

 

He is an idiot. If he really cared for you, he wouldn't have tried to make you feel stupid when you were obviously upset in the phone box in the town where he should have been. He's an idiot.

 

Before I read the line about the prom, I was going to tell you to get rid of him - that you are worth more. Bearing the prom in mind, it's really a case of "do you want to bring this idiot to your prom and do you have any other options?"

 

Personally, I wouldn't be able to forgive him. It's not really something small. You could have been at risk in this situation, and for you to have travelled all that way to see him - it's simply not on.

 

I don't know what you should do about the prom. If you really have no options (and I mean really), then maybe bring him. I'd be inclined to say "Go on your own" rather than take him - but that is a decision only you can make in the end.

 

Have a good think about it (not that you're not thinking about this !!), and do whatever you feel will make you happiest. Remember, this is your prom night - and this idiot a) doesnt' deserve you, and b)shouldn't be given the oppertunity to mess your night up.

 

He also needs to see that he can not do something like this to you and get away with it. He might do it again if he gets this impression.

 

Hope this helps you some Summer,

 

~

[woobiegirl]

Yes, I would say that If your b/f waited until you were in route to his house before he finally thought about reaching you to tell you about his change of plans, then I'd say he owes you an apology. It doesn't sound like a spur of the moment decision if he left earlier in the week, he had plenty of time to reach you at home if you don't have a cell phone. Even if you had a cell....calling you when you're already on a 1 1/2 road trip to see him is unacceptable. I'm sure you were excited and looking forward to spending time together, especially when your plans were made ahead of time.

 

Then, to top it off, he's rude to you over the phone when he can clearly tell that you're upset. Age difference has no bearing on showing respect for each other. Some of his comments may have been triggered from feeling guilty that you were crying and deep down he knows he's in the wrong. If he's usually considerate, then work it out by talking to him the next time you get together, on the other hand...if this is his personlity I would move on. Even though 4 years isn't a huge gap, it may be enough difference right now with 17 & 21 because you are at different stages of your life. You're also missing out on being able to do special things together during the week with the distance factor.

 

I think you've answered your own question when you asked..."should I be mad?" You are more than mad,...he also hurt your feelings and was inconsiderate.

 

Hope it works out for you,

Woobiegirl.....

[summerdreams]

actually, his friend doesn't live up north. He just has a chalet up there. He lives right near his house and they see each other almost every day, he sees all his friends almost every day because they live so close. With me, he only has little time to spend because i live far...and he chooses to cancel his plans with me to see his friend who he sees all the time...i don't understand it.

Anyways thanks for all the advice. I will definitely let him know how i feel next time he calls...and from his reaction i'll know what to do.

[dpressedone89]

ok first of all. alec i agree with you that it was wrong but the kind of language is unnecsary. ok back to the problem i dont think you should share your prom with someone who did this you it isnt right.i think you should let him go. but if you do love him maybe you can talk to him and explain this to him.you have every right to be mad. well what ever you do i wish you luck

-stitches

[Michael2]

Summer I will chalk this entire relationship up to inexperience.

 

The problem here is.. there are no consequences for his actions. He blows you off, yet you will still continue with him.

 

Lets say you get a new puppy. The puppy constantly pees on the floor, yet everytime he pees, you may tell him what he did is wrong, but the puppy calls your bluff and continues to turn your carpet yellow.

 

Put your foot down, if you dont, he will continue peeing.

[charmed]

Beautifully put Michael2,....... beautifully put !!

[Scout]

Sorry, disagree. A puppy is doing that because it doesn't know better yet, a 21 year old man - actually a person of any age - knows you don't blow off someone who is en route to see you. And telling him it was wrong isn't going to make a difference. I strongly advise she dump this guy, what he did was wrong, deliberately wrong, callous, and just messed up. I wouldn't forgive someone for doing this to me. And I don't think she should either.