just need some advice

[eyesonfire]

I'm new to this site but I've been lurking for a few days, reading other people's posts and the advice.

My exboyfriend and I were together for just about two years, together all the time, I thought he was "the one" and I thought he felt the same. There was that connection that I and he (so he claimed) had both never had, it was completely different, I felt as I knew him for years before I even did. He was an addict (drugs and alcohol) and I saw him through it all, I wanted to be there for him. In March I found out he cheated on me, he told me himself after a few days and told me there had been others. After trying on and off for about two more months I found out he had been lying the whole time while we tried to work it out, he was still seeing this other girl (who knew about me and they worked together sometimes). Astonishingly HE broke it off with me when I found out and said he needed to be alone. I haven't seen him since that day in May but shortly after he was still seeing her, as well as still talking to me. From the beginning of June he told me that him and this other "woman" ended things, that it wasn't working out, that he loved and missed me and basically led me to believe we would be eventually getting back together in time. However, I found out about a week ago that he actually had been seeing her the whole time and they're "in a relationship", he even went through the trouble of making up an excuse as to why he was "in a relationship" on facebook, he said he wanted "girls to leave him alone". I'm currently not in contact with him and it has been hard. I just need some support and feel like I've already talked everyone to DEATH with this. I still hope that we will be able to work it out and that this "woman" is just a rebound, I mean she obviously seems to be to me and she also seems to have more feelings for him and he has for her. I'm just not really sure WHY he would go through all of the trouble of lying and telling me he loves me and jump into another relationship. Any ideas or thoughts are welcomed.

[orillia]

Y'know why he would go to all that trouble?

 

Because he has "cake and eat it too" syndrome. Unfortunately, this is a quite common ailment. It usually ends up hurting the person who loves them more than it hurts the person afflicted with it.

 

I speak from experience-my ex had this same disorder.

 

He had an ex constantly contacting him while we were together-it was obvious she still wanted him. He would tell me how crazy she was, how dumb she was, and how she wasn't a threat at all.

 

Anyway, he told me that he had set boundaries w/her, told her he had a gf and to stop contacting him. But I found out later, he had lied. Not only had they been IM'ing and phoning each other, but he saw her behind my back after an argument we had and he was "taking space."

 

I found all this out later thru a Myspace page.

 

See, this is the modus operandi of people who cannot commit, or who are total chickens**ts. They want to play both sides of the fence. He wants you AND the other girl, but he knows you guys won't go for that, so like most cheaters, he lies and snakes around behind your back.

 

Do you seriously want to try to make things work w/someone like that? I tried, and all it got me was an extra yr of pain and more heartbreak than I ever bargained for. Once a liar, always a liar.