Insight of NC to win your ex back

[so-lost]

I have been reading tons of posts here and other forums about NC is the best bet you can try to win your ex back, though not guarantee. I also know that trying NC i will still have a slim hope and chance to have my ex BF back. If I continue to beg, plead and chase, due to the pull/push effect he will run for the hills and prolly severe friendship!

 

I also understand the factor behind NC and that MAY make your ex calls you back months later [maybe] is to make him misses you when you're not in his presence of any form - txt, calls, physically.

 

My question here is.....how can he miss me? He MAY not be alone. he MAY not be lonely. During NC I am sure he goes on with his life, prolly happier since he is the dumper with the reason/excuse "I need time to do my own thing, I don't have time" Or maybe he meant "I need space."

 

I just want to know if the tactic behind NC which is to make him miss me, make sense? He will still get calls from others or friends, still get texts from others , or friends. where will "I" be in his mind/heart? Will that push him to think of me at all?

[Lastchallenge]

U go nc for your well being and that is to heal and move on.

Once you move on these reject dumpers realize that the grass isn't greener and they get these "were moving on" vibes and usally they start calling or coming around but by then you realize they are not the same person you fell in love with and you don't want them

back

[so-lost]

Hi lastChallenge but my goal is to get back to him. I want to salvage this relationship and if it works I will work out with him in diff way not to break it or ruin it again.

 

Also you mention they may get the "move on vibe"..how and in what way if we both NC and no "messenger" between us.

[Cadence44]

Someone doesn't have to be completely alone to miss someone who is no longer in their life.

 

If you go into NC solely to make him miss you, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Do it for yourself, so that you can get over him and move on with your life.

[Interceptive]

Agreed with Cadence.

 

I don't necessarily think that NC is the best way to make him come back. Don't take what I say about this too seriously, but NC might just make him forget about you completely. Also, NC is for your self to heal from the giant gaping break up wound. Not to get someone back.

 

I would suggest LC....don't force it because, yes, he will run for the hills. Try going to a show he might be at, or a coffee shop he visits regularly and just "bump in" to each other. It will be awkward (especially if he's with another girl, like what happened to me -.-) but it will make him remember. Or just give it time and tell him how you feel, exactly.

 

Best of luck to you.

[FootofGod]

NC is for you, but yes, do be aware that it is the best way to get them back. BUT, don't do it for that reason. Do it because you're willing to heal and take a lesson from life and get past the pain.

[so-lost]

thanks folks..it's too painful and I have a sudden urge to call him now but I kept pulling back and dont want to ruin it.

[richard811]

There are many ways to get his attention again and do not worry too much whether he still misses you or will it work on NC. Let it flow naturally, it is not wrong to say hi or just create a scene (not too desperate/drastic move though) and just simply hinting you are available.

 

Not sure how long was your previous relationship but I am sure there are memories that he still cherish, trust me, loving memories are hard to forget. Even he finds another woman for time being, it still very new as compare to the feelings both of you had.

 

What you need to pay attention is time is not on your side, it can change overnight. So, be natural and express your feelings. Even the feedback might not be good but at least you know where you stand.

 

Good luck

[RyanGeist]

I just want to know if the tactic behind NC which is to make him miss me, make sense? He will still get calls from others or friends, still get texts from others , or friends. where will "I" be in his mind/heart? Will that push him to think of me at all?

 

NC as a tactic to have someone return only works in the sense that the alternative, which is contact, might make this person run for the hills.

 

In other words, you might only have a person return if they miss you, and they can only miss you if you're away from them. You can't miss a person and have them around at the same time - that's not how attachment works.

 

My experience is that NC can bring exes back into your life, whether you want that person back or not. Those same experiences tell me that if a person comes back from NC, it might not be out of love. It can be out of selfishness, neediness, jealousy, or any combination of wrong reasons to be with a person. This can even be the case despite them professing that they do, in fact, love you and want to be with you.

 

So just because you think you want a person back, and that you commit to NC, and they do come back, doesn't guarantee that if they do come back, that it's all roses and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. If the underlying issues behind the first break-up are still present, they will return and cause problems for a renewed relationship. No level of contact can ever solve those issues.