My NC journey, told her how i felt and why...

[Astro_Metrix]

I find this a very hard thing to do,

i have my story posted in another thread if you would like to read it please feel free and i would love it if you did.

 

everytime i have tried NC i haven't been able to go far, i guess im too co-dependant of her, i get scared i freak out and break

but this time its happening, it must.

 

i told her how i felt about everything and i guess put her in an ultimatum situation, i had told her before it hurt seeing her without being with her,

we kept seeing each other so finally today i put my foot down and im doing this to hopefully get her back,

 

(before you go on saying about NC and whats its for, i know... but everyone has his/her own reason for it and im using it for mine)

 

i am not expecting to heal or to get myself back with NC

because this had already happened some time ago.

i am healed and i feel like myself again,

how ever..

i am giong to apply NC for these reasons:

 

-for her to think about things clearly.

-finally get a chance to miss me.

-see what life is like without me

-the main reason is because when i asked her about us, she said she was hurt and still felt some kind of grudge because of the way i treated her. im hoping time will erase this.

 

 

 

 

in case you are wondering what i said to her, ill sum it up so you have an idea. i told her i was thinking about what she had said, and that i was deeply sorry but that i did it because i am only humane and make mistakes, i told her that i love her and want to be with her and it hurts to know she doubts of our love... that if she loves me like she says then there is no reason why we should be like this because she should be willing to risk it all and take a chance so we can be happy and together like before. i also told her that this time it was serious and that we should take this like adults with no blameing, and no more dodgeing. that the only reason why i was doing this was so she cuold be alone to think things clearly and feel fi she loves me not, i said i loved her and always will without doubt, and i will always be here for her no matter what but that for the man while we aren't to speak, or see each other annymore, that i will be waiting for the day that she decided to tell me she will stay or she will leave.....

then i said that i loved her a lot again.

 

 

 

i can't remember things clearly but that pretty much sums it all,

 

i guess i kinda put it like an ultimatum and i've been told that never works!

 

but the thing is that we have been stuck in the middle for a while now without moving anywhere,

and it hurts more than not having anything at all,

things were just stressing me out too much, she was even starting to get jealous about girls i was hanging out with, which honestly are only friends... but even if they weren't she isn't my girlfriend and doesn't seem like she even wants to be so i don't think she should even have a say in that.

 

 

 

 

anyways, i will be posting from time to time my struggle to keep on NC

i don't know a time period but for the time being, at least a week would be aan acomplishment,

but im thinking ssomewhere around two to three weeks

[Astro_Metrix]

UPDATE:

 

first i would like to mention that i did this via text msg,

why not in person?

because i had once already expressed my feelings in person...

 

 

the update:

the responded negatively which i find a good thing because it means there are some kind of emotions for me, lol

 

first she said to F*** off and said thanks for everything!

 

then she said thanks for breaking my heart again,

 

 

she said this in spanish and used different words, i cant find the right ones to express myself, in english F*** OFF sounds soo rude compared to the words that she said in spanish,

 

anyways i would just like to say that i think she is trying to test me or is hurt because i am doing this,

 

why? because first she responds angry? why wouls she be if she didn't care for me?

then she tried to make me feel bad...

 

both are attempts to get me to break and get what she wants...

 

 

 

im sticiking to my NC guns

[eAlone]

I was thinking about doing this...except in person, again. But now I am not sure after reading what you wrote even though I know every situation is different. No offense btw but thanks for sharing your story. I hope she comes around tho, because if she does, then that will really assure my decision to express my feelings once again.

[Astro_Metrix]

may i ask what i wrote that made you change your mind??

i mean, you have to stop thinking your ex is god, because she is not...

if this doesnt' work for me, but it will because its summer time now and im off school,

i will be partying so much and having fun but anyways...

if it doesn't work

and i still love her and miss her its not the end,

it ends until i want it to end,

after some time if she doesn't come back i can keep trying if i still want her back

[eAlone]

Well I am not saying what you did was bad or anything because I was thinking of doing it myself but the thing is, me and her are on good terms right now. We had a normal chat the other day about nothing or everything really. No fighting, no arguing none of that. So if I were to do this and it ends up making her cry or sad or even resentful then I dont want to do that. But I dont know your story, I will read it in a bit...

[Astro_Metrix]

but see, i dont mean to be mean or anything but... good terms? so your friends with her and you expect her to come back to you when you are giving her everything? she doesn't have to go thru the hastle, she already has you!!

 

my ex cried too and got mad,

why?

because she still has feelings for me, i would have been hurt if she didn't cry, it hurts me too its hard...

but if she cares for you... then why wouldnt she come back to you?

won't she miss you?

 

but why if she cried and still ahs feelings for me, then why aren't we back yet?

i've done all i can, the only thing left to do to give her an extra nudge is to make her miss me, and if she decides life is better without me, then im okay with that,

because i love her and will be happy if she is happy

[eAlone]

Well when I meant we were on good terms, I meant if we talk we don't argue but we really don't talk that much at all. In other words, we're not exactly friends...It's like we both have too much pride to let the feelings out but I know for a fact I am emotionally stronger than her so she cracks sometimes.

 

Anyway, I see your point, we both really have nothing to lose since we've already lost so why not lay it all out? Today I actually don't feel anything, which is weird...good luck tho!