advice about how to handle my ex

[shortie7755]

My ex and I were My ex and I were together for 2 and a half years, been best friends for over three years. We were living together for over nine months, but the last month i was there we were technically broken up, i just hadnt moved out yet. He is telling me that he is unhappy with his life and just cant be in a serious relationship right now. He says he hates the person he has become, hates his job, and just needs time to build his self esteem up because right now he has none, he essentially thinks he is worthless. He is 30 yrs old, makes less money now than he did when he is twenty and doesnt feel like his life is where it should be. Also, he was in a serious relationship for 10 yrs before he met me and jumped right into dating me and says he needs to know that he can survive on his own, without that backbone. As far as how he feels about me, he says he cares for me deeply and still loves me, but our relationship doesnt feel full. In the last couple weeks i was living with him, i knew i would be moving out, but it was almost like we went full circle back to being so good. He admits that he feels better about us, but he feels like if he cant sort out his baggage, than we will never work out anyway. He says that he is not shutting the door on us, and does potentially see a future. he assures me he is not looking to test the waters, he just cant have a relationship tight now. We have already had the conversation about what went wrong with us, so we both know what we need to work on. work with him, and he wants to remain friends, but everything i read says thats a bad move. But when i say maybe we shouldnt talk, he gets sad and says he knows he will miss me considering he already does. I just want to know what people think about me remaining friends with him...and by friends i mean no hang outs...but still texting and talking. I want him back..and im not planning on rushing him because we both have things to work on...but i dont want to make the wrong move here either and ruin our chances completely. Any advice?

[Cuppedia]

This is one of the very few cases I've read in which the other person sounds sincere and honest about the reasons for the break-up.

 

I think you shouldn't remain in touch, not even texting and such because, like you said, you both have things to work on and should try to use the distance to give you perspective.

 

If it's meant to be you don't have to worry about not talking for a few months or even a year, I think he would seriously benefit from being on his own, and it's a good thing that he misses you but you don't want him to ask you back out of fear of loneliness because that's not a strong reason.

I think the ideal here would be that you both work on getting things for your own and enjoy being single; it wasn't a traumatic break-up and you can even go back together after a while.

 

You are on good terms and you both seem to have hope, there's no reason to be bitter or make this harder than it has to.

 

Give it time, give him and yourself some space, I'm sure that whatever happens will be for the better.