Feeling Lonely.

[Binoo]

I've been really depressed lately [ mostly financial/work/family stuff ].

 

On the odd day I'll be upset but it usually lasts for a few minutes.

Today I was just really depressed. Didn't talk much. Cried a lot. I'm not so dramatic most days but once in awhile I just need a day to stop putting on the fake smile and have a real damn cry. To me this is how I recover. I can't bottle things up forever.

 

My boyfriend is very sensitive. I think my episode today really got to him and he's all upset now. He said my mood today is infectuous and now he's been moping about.

I apologized to him for it. I didn't mean to upset him. I didn't say anything mean to him.

But I'm getting really annoyed. This is the day I've had the least control of my emotions but yes, like anyone else who's not a robot I have my down days but they're never horrible like it was today. But again, I do get sad once in awhile.

He always says after work tonight I'll take you out for a drink or something. And every night he's said this I come home to an empty house and he's out. Normally I just let it roll right off my back because I know he's wanting to get out more and make more friends etc. but today I'm just plain pissed.

 

He's not here now. He went out. He went out earlier too today. And he's been chatting, playing computer games.

 

Don't get me wrong it's not like he completely ignores me when I'm upset but whenever he's really sad I always stay by his side. I don't go out. I've cancelled days out with friends, concerts etc. just so I could be there for him. But on a day where I'm just completely devastated I have to apologize for it and feel guilty.

I feel sad when he's sad too but I pull it together because I know he needs me to help him through things.

 

I just feel very lonely right now.

 

End rant.

[goldfinger88]

Hey, Binoo, I'm sorry you feel so terrible. I think you and I are in the same boat right now and it helps to just let it all out when you can. I've been trying to think of something pretty encouraging to tell you, but considering I'm in pretty much the same mental state you are, I got nothing lol.

 

I guess I just wanted to say that I hope you feel better and that there's someone out there that feels like they want to cry too.

 

Things can't stay bad/negative forever, right?