anyone.. advice ?

[lostkid]

Hey, i was dating a girl for 4 months.

when i sorta cheated on her, i was trying to make a joke out of someone,

by flirting with them, and getting my girlfriends attention.

it got uot of hand, and my girlfriend found out.

we previously broke up (dating for 7 months) over an argument.

but were still "seeing" eachother. i found out she just facebook messaged one of her exs as a "joke" she says, to hangout. shes saying that i cant get mad because it was a joke, and we arent dating. Yet, i havent went behind her back since we brokeup and even thought about talking to a girl.

 

I love her so much that i can forgive her, because i did the same thing.

But what SHOULD i do ? do i give her up ?

 

 

thanks guys ..

[shessofly]

if i am reading this correctly the two of you aren't exclusive so i'm not quite sure what there is to forgive? you ARE broken up, is that right?

[lostkid]

we ARE broken up, but we kinda promised we'd like keep to ourselves. should i be mad? we plan on getting back together (before i found out). should we keep going or ?

[lostkid]

how do i know i can trust her if we DO date again..

[shessofly]

honestly i really don't think you can be mad, because the two of you aren't exclusive. what's the point of promising to keep to yourselves? why not just get back together. and no, i don't think that this is something you can hold over her head if the two of you do end up back together. you did the same thing to her!

[shessofly]

Hey, i was dating a girl for 4 months.

when i sorta cheated on her, i was trying to make a joke out of someone,

by flirting with them, and getting my girlfriends attention.

it got uot of hand, and my girlfriend found out.

we previously broke up (dating for 7 months) over an argument.

but were still "seeing" eachother. i found out she just facebook messaged one of her exs as a "joke" she says, to hangout. shes saying that i cant get mad because it was a joke, and we arent dating. Yet, i havent went behind her back since we brokeup and even thought about talking to a girl.

 

I love her so much that i can forgive her, because i did the same thing.

But what SHOULD i do ? do i give her up ?

 

 

thanks guys ..

 

if you make a big deal out of this i don't think you'll have to worry about getting back together, plus what she says is true.

[lostkid]

yeah.. i dont wanna make a big deal because she'll just flip.

i guess i can't be mad.. whether it was a joke or not.

 

i just don't want it to happen IF we date again.. that's why im holding off with the dating for now.. what do i do ?

[yonkeehoi]

Lost, You were a putz for flirting with the other girl. In a more mature relationship, those kind of games, the pull and push game of 'testing' the other's jealous reactions, is a no-win. Don't worry though. It's all just part of learning. As to the future of this relationship, well, I guess you're about to learn that too.

[shessofly]

okay this is how i see it -

 

the two of you are not together. if you aren't dating or facebook chatting with anyone else then that is your choice. you are just as free to do so as she is. if you aren't interested, then that's fine, but there's no way you can justify being angry at her for flirting with someone else while the two of you are broken up, when you aren't interested in being exclusive at the moment. and when the two of you were dating it was YOU who did it, not her. you are now broken up and she's being flirty, but she did not do it while you were together. she is a free woman now. it was you who had the problem while you were dating, so if you are concerned that it'll happen again then you need to have a little chat with yourself about your behavior. do you not see that?

 

what's the real reason you aren't together? is it her that's holding off or you?

[lostkid]

were both holding off .

I just don't wanna get back together and have that done to me.

[shessofly]

well then that's something you should think about before you play games in a relationship, because it could backfire on you. you can dish it out, but it seems you can't take it.

 

you'll just have to talk to her about setting boundaries for the two of you if and when you both start talking about getting back together. if you feel you can't trust her or are gonna be paranoid then i'm afraid you'd probably be better off with someone else.