emotional unavailibility

[anonymousk]

not me, and not the man I'm with now (he is wonderful)

but I've been doing alot of soul searching and have realized alot of things lately (hindsight is 20/20 they say)

my ex was/is a very cold and emotionally unavailable person, and I believe was one of the reasons that I felt terribly drawn to him, I liked chasing him, and he let me. When he was open with me and we were close it was the most satisfying emotion in the world, however I can definetly say that I never felt truly fufilled with him.

I've only recently recognized this flaw in myself that I know could be harmful to me and has been in the past. Is there anyone here who has known someone similar or who can sympathize? I dont know why I am this way, but I'd love to have some insight or at least a few clues lol...

[Speranza]

I certainly empathise but - if you aren't currently that way, and the guy you're with is wonderful, why the angst?

 

You have broken out of the pattern. Are you afraid for the future? Perhaps you need to enjoy the moment.

[Nixee]

Though you say the guy you are with now is wonderful.... I'm wondering how truly satisfied you are if you are asking this question?

 

Because I think I know where you are coming from.

 

I've always kinda been addicted to these types too. And it has made me a chaser as well. And now *I* am also with a wonderful guy. Yet thinking of my past with such flawed men tugs at my heart. Even when you have "beat the cycle"... it is hard to get over that emotional high.

[anonymousk]

heh thats exactly what it is, I was just too embarassed to say it.

I dont want to be that chick who is always chasing after jerks though...

I used to make fun of girls like that. For the sake of my own well being and also for the sake of my wonderful man's feelings I have to figure out why I am this way.

[Nixee]

I've been that chick for a long time I fear. And I'm with a good guy now too... but having that tug still lets me know that I am affected still. I wish it was easier to just break the cycle... to just realize the problem and be over it... but it isn't. I think it takes a slow realization and lots of working on yourself.

 

Talking to a counselor/therapist may help.

[Speranza]

Sorry, I think I am missing your point Nixee - do you mean that you are kicking yourself because you miss the aggro with the jerks?

[Nixee]

Sorry, I think I am missing your point Nixee - do you mean that you are kicking yourself because you miss the aggro with the jerks?

 

I kick myself when I realize that I sometimes don't appreciate so-called "good guys" as much as I should... that the emotional high, or the drama and chase associated with being with or going after an emotionally unavailable man had been the norm for me for so long that occasionally a good guy seems to almost be lacking something.... and I KNOW it shouldn't feel that way.

 

So... I have had to gradually recognize this, realize it, and work on letting my problem go. I just admit that it isn't easy.

[Anusha]

How is your life right now? Usualy when you(people in general) are addicted to drama is because you want to avoid to concetrate on yourself.