Am I missing something? What is she thinking?

[Lostheart87]

Ok so here is the story so far...

 

 

 

So while she was in Chicago I didn't make contact with her at all, save a short text 3 days in saying "Hope your having fun in Chicago" in which she replied about 3 times back and forth with me.

 

On her last night there, I am just about to go to sleep when my phone rings and its her. I realize right away that its about 2:00am her time, and when I answer she says "Hey! I was thinking about you and wanted to call you." I could tell that she had been drinking a bit but it didn't seem like too much.

 

We talked for about 45 minutes about how her time was going in Chicago with her brother, and I even talked to her bro for about 15 minutes (cool guy btw), who told me that she kept talking about me the entire trip.

 

So I could see no end to the conversation in sight, so sadly I had to tell her I had to get to bed considering that I had to be up in 4 hours, but I said I couldn't wait to see her when she got back and she agreed. After I hung up I sent her a text saying she made my day by calling, and she replied if she could have a picture of me so I sent her one.

 

She comes back yesterday (Cinco de Mayo), and I called her later on asking her if she wanted to meet up. She told me she was tired considering she just got back in but would let me know if she wanted to meet up later that night. She ended up texting me saying she is just going to bed and told me to be safe if I decided to go out. I text her back saying that I understood and if she wanted to go out on Friday to dinner or something. She never replied.

 

Later on today I called her and after 2 rings it went straight to voicemail (in other words she denied it). I didn't leave a message and instead sent a text about 2 hours later asking if I would be seeing her this weekend. Again, no reply.

 

Sooooo what gives? Am I just looking too far into this? I don't know what you think, but she was giving me all the signals of being attracted to me so is she being distant for a reason? Just wanted to get some input here. I am not going to contact her again until she contacts me, but does anybody know what could be going on in her head?

[cerbrus]

i think you are looking to much into this. if there is no concact after day 5 id say something is up. dont act desperate. give her space and let her contact you

[Citlali]

She doesn't seem to really be into you. She might like the attention, effort, and flirting you give, but if she isn't making any concrete plans with you despite how much you try contacting her (which may come off as clingy to her perhaps), then maybe she's not interested--at least not enough. Let her try for once. The ball's in her court now. She will either respond or she won't. If she doesn't and is generally hot/cold with you--a little more cold than anything else--then just lay off and look elsewhere. There's no point in getting more hung up on someone who isn't reciprocating.

[Lostheart87]

Yea I plan on not contacting her at all and see what she does. I haven't actually been contacting her much, in fact in the past 1.5 weeks I have contacted her twice (if that comes off as clingy then wow haha).

 

I will say this has happened before though where I don't call or text her and she ends up contacting me a day or two later. I am just getting mixed signals from her is all. I would think that someone calling another at 2am because she was thinking about them would be a strong indicator that she wants to see me again...maybe I'm wrong?

[Citlali]

Yes, that would be the case for a normal person. However, she may be the type of girl who thrives on attention and the way that she insures that is by reeling you back in every once in a while. She may like having suitors at her feet and is doing this intentionally. Or she may really think that calling you at 2am to tell you she was thinking of you means nothing more than friendship. There are girls out there oblivious/careless enough. Or she may actually like you, but may be afraid of starting something new or rushing. It can be a lot of things, but from the looks of it now, it seems she is not interested enough to be consistent and actually give you proper attention.

[Lostheart87]

Let me ask you this,

 

should she call back and talk with me, would it be a bad idea to ask her what she wants from this? Considering the fact that she is sending me mixed signals? Or would that only ruin any chance I have and only make her mad?

[Citlali]

I see nothing wrong with being candid with her about what you're thinking. Don't sound clingy or pushy or entitled about it, but go ahead and just say, "Hey, I think I am getting mixed signals from you. You do things like calling me in the middle of the night and then go cold. I don't get it and I wouldn't like to know where this is going if anywhere." That's it. You have to be aware that this might turn things cold and make her feel insulted or that you're pushy. It's the risk you run, but frankly, if I were you, I'd rather run that risk than play childish games that confuse everything. Up to you, though. Just make sure you know this could have a negative effect. It turns on whether you want to deal with her hot/cold behavior or ask her to be upfront now.

[Speranza]

Another great post, Jenn!

[Citlali]

Another great post, Jenn!

 

Oh, well, thanks!

[Lostheart87]

Ok so I learned something today about this entire thing.

 

From what I understand she is interested in me. She talks to her parents and entire family about me, and apparently smiles and lights up every time someone talks to her about me. This of course is a strong indicator of interest.

 

Now apparently about 3 months back she had broken off her LTR with her ex (apparently they have been dating since high school and she is 23). From what I understand her ex treated her horribly and her family very much disliked the guy.

 

Now because of the this new information I have come accross, how likely is it that she is confused about what she is feeling, and maybe just waiting for the right time to make a move? Again I will not be contacting her, like I said the ball is in her court. But the last thing I want is to become a rebound. If she is in fact interested in me I want it to be for the right reasons.

[Citlali]

Well, see that changes things just a little bit. How did you learn this? That's very important.

 

IF what you say is true, IF, then I would say to be patient a bit more and wait and see. She may just be confused and not wanting to rush into something having had a long, terrible relationship. Relationships like that can take a toll on a person, I can vouch for that. It could also be that she might still have feelings for the ex too, though, which makes her not want to make a move with you. I can also vouch for that. The point I am trying to make is that even if she is interested in you, she should still not act this way or send you mixed signals, especially if she knows she is confused. Nevertheless, IF what you say is true, give it a little more time, but don't get your hopes up. Don't not date others waiting for her. Leave the ball in her court and wait and see, but don't put the rest of your life on hold. Move on and if she happens to make a move great. If not, at least you kept on going.

[Lostheart87]

I actually heard this from a very close friend of hers.

 

She basically told me that this girl is finding it hard to let go even though she wants to (they have been broken up for about 4 months). Believe me I understand what she is going through considering I went through the same thing about 6 months back. I just want to be there for her but at the same time want to give her the space she probably needs.