I WANT TO GET MARRIED-HE DOESN'T

[tostge]

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY FINIANCE'. WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE LAST AUGUST AND HE WAS VERY RESPECTIVE. WE GOT ENGAGED IN FEBRUARY, AND WERE PLANING A WINTER WEDDING. ABOUT A MONTH AGO, I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT STARTING TO MAKE PLANS FOR OUR WEDDING AND HE GOT ANGRY ABOUT ME ASKING AND LEFT THE HOUSE TO COOL OFF. HE ARRIVED BACK HOME TO TELL ME THAT HE WAS NOT READY TO GET MARRIED YET. THAT HE WAS NOT THE MARRIAGE TYPE. WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT WHY WE ARE ENGAGED, HE ANSWERED TO GET USE TO THE IDEA OF GETTING MARRIED.

 

I AM IN A STATE OF CONFUSION REGARDING HIS REACTION. I AM SAD AND DEPRESSED MOST OF THE TIME, NOT KNOWING WHERE MY FUTURE LIES WITH HIM. LOOKING FOR ANSWERS ABOUT HOW TO ADDRESS THIS SITUATION WITH HIM AND TO GET HIM TO COMMIT. I KNOW THAT HE LOVES ME.

[may222]

You know what my bf has the same attitude at first he was the one that was talking about marriage with me and then after a while he was like what if we like other people then he was like what if he marries someone else I was cool with it and said be with and do what makes you happy and he was like what about you and I was like if its not with you which I have always pictured myself with you then its not going to be with anybody else and then I was like I will marry someone else b/c we started to talk about how he thinks that I should get married and have children and then he got mad at me and said I thought you loved me and wont be with anybody else and I was like i do and i dont want to be with anybody else and I was like you brought up the topic at first his brother asked me out of the blue if we are going to get married and I said if he askes me then I am going to say yes and then he was like my brother does not believe in marriages and i was like does he believe in only having sex and then he was like no he just wants to be happy with his g/f....this also made me so depressed b/c i dont want to think about our life without each other and we get into fights a lot ...I just want to realize as well that if he keeps on pushing back he might lose me even though I am not thinking about getting married I never wanted to until I met him....now I am so scared that everthing wil mess up between us and I will lose him......

 

If u guys have another fight about it tell him that he brought it up and its time for him to deal

 

-may

[ang3l2004]

hello I would say that he is scared he is scared to get married right now and do not pressure him into it or talk to him about it all the time because your going to push him further away,Sit down and have a long conversation and listen to what he tells you make him feel comfortable to talk to you,I think that when he got angry its because mabe he does not want to hurt you even though you are hurt which I understand and does not know how to deal with telling you he just cant get married or he cant deal with it himself,I would say give it time if your going to marry this man and your very much engaged why rush?Good luck with everything pm me anytime u need to talk!

 

About the ring mabe he felt good about buying you the ring and proposing then after it all was said and done and came down to it he just got scared

 

 

[OceanEyes]

If you're sure that he loves you, then you're going to have to accept being engaged for the time being. Even myself as a female, I am skeptical of marriage. It just doesn't seem necessary to me. When I do get married, it will have to be exactly right.

 

Were his parents separated when he was younger? How were his parents with each other? It sounds like a typical question you might expect in a case like this, but it matters. A lot! Just seeing how my parents have been with each other over the years has been enough proof for me to take my time and be sure about marriage. It doesn't mean that I don't believe in it, but I am 100% convinced that most people who get married, get married out of feelings of obligation and expectation. Your fiancee is trying to avoid being part of the same hypocrisy.

 

It sounds like he is committed. He loves you. What's the rush to get married? How is it going to change things? You already have a man who you love and loves you, and seem to be happy other than this issue. If you push it, that might very well change. I've heard of so many great relationships being complicated or destroyed over marriage issues. And why? Because society and traditional family values have taught us that marriage is 'the next step', or the 'right thing to do'. Let's evolve from antiquated thinking of this nature.

 

Just because your fiancee doesn't want to get married now, doesn't mean that he never will. Just stick by his side, as he has yours, and be patient. That's really all you can do at this point. A lot of nagging and bringing it up over and over is only going to complicate your relationship and push him further away from you every day.

 

Enjoy living your life in the moment and appreciating what you have now!