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just me the ex to give her some stuff....

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just back from meeting the ex and it's very strange, I felt nothing....


we made small talk while she was waiting for her bus, it's my mum's 60th next week and she said she would send flowers, i thought this was a bit strange but she can do what she likes!


it's strange because last night i actually cried over her and today i just felt nothing??


This ever happen to anyone else, i mean such a total 180 feelings wise in the space of 24 hours?

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it's just weird. It's not that i don't love her anymore i think it's just that maybe i've gotten to the stage where i've accepted the break up and subconsciously know it's over .


For the last 6 weeks i've had this anxious throb in my chest and it's gone as of 45 minutes ago...


it feels great !

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Yup sure can; I've been crying all weekend because after 6 months of him ignoring me and 4 months of NIC that was going really well I've just decided that I don't want him back and have just barred his number from my phone so that I can go NC in peace and quiet.

It feels like crap and I have to say that it was only after meeting up with him in January and clearing the air that my feelings really started to settle and I've finally been able to start properly letting go. I feel so low about it because I know deep down that he'll come back to me at some point but feelings being feelings I won't be able to take him back.

This was the guy I truly believed that I would spend the rest of my life with and the only man I ever really wanted to have more children for.

This is all so stupid and I know that given more time and space we'll both look back and think "why on earth did we break up?" but feelings not being applicable to logic and the trust that was broken there'll be no going back I'm afraid.

I actually feel worse now than near the start because that was panic; this is cold hard acceptance


Sorry to be a downer but I'm having trouble accessing the bright side at the moment

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ah brigadoon!! don't worry about !!


If it's any consolation i'm sure that in a few days i'll do another 180 and start to miss her again. Usually these things go in peaks and troughs you'll have a better day sooner than you realise!! and when u do i'll probably be bawling my eyes out and blubbering like a baby


So keep the chin up kido

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Thanks R I love ENA; It's the only place I can have a whinge and a mope without people going "Aren't you over it yet???!!!"

I hate breakups, especially stupid pointless ones that could have been sorted out and I ESPECIALLY hate the fact I had to wait until the ripe old age of 29 to get my heart broken for the first time lol

Thank god for ENA or I'd be a basket case by now

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this is the second time i've been broken hearted,


the first time i realise it wasn't really love


but this time it's weird because i really do love this girl, when i weigh up her pros and cons her cons seem insignificant.


I know i'm going to regret letting this girl for a very long time but i think logic is kicking in and i'm not willing to mope around waiting for her to change her mind.


She said it took her 4 years to fall out of love with me and it might take her 4 years to fall in love again, but in all honesty who can wait around for that to happen???


I'm doing what i have to do, had my 3rd counseling session today and that's all i can do right now. she might see the change in me when the time comes but if not there is very little i can do about it....


I have a mantra i repeat to myself when out walking or just going from A to B -


"I can't control anybody else but myself"


it is really starting to have an effect

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I really do hope that there's some form of karmic rhyme and reason going on in the universe because if so all of the pain we've gone/are going through will add up to the most incredible joy imaginable

I do have a niggling sort of faith that the lessons we learn here will either bring us back to relationships with the people we love now or else bring us newer and lovelier people in the future.

That's my daydream and I'm sticking to it lol

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