Sometimes they work? Have I known her long enough to try?

[ComeClarity]

I just started seeing this girl about a week ago. Friends of friends - we just really clicked lately, talk all the time. Had our second date couple days ago - first time we kissed. The entire time, though I've been aware she's moving. She moved to my city for school and now she's moving back home. Why oh why didn't we get together sooner! She's moving 4200km in two weeks.

 

We really feel good with each other but here are my questions. Should I bring up the possibility of long distance relationship? Should I be careful about what happens in the next two weeks? (ie not sleep with her)

 

Since it's pretty new should it be a problem?

[ToF]

I would ask her what she would like to do from here on out. See if you two are on the same page at all. She could be already assuming that you two will be in a LDR, or she may not have even given it a thought. So just ask. Then decide from there what you two will do. It's only been a week, so I think committing to anything might be a mistake. But that's just my opinion.

 

As for sleeping with her ... it really depends. Would you normally sleep with a girl whom you've only been seeing for less than a month? If so, then I suppose you could go for it if she's okay with it. If not, I would defninitely not rush into that just because she's leaving. Just a word of advice-whether it's typical for you to sleep with someone right away or not, she might feel used if you sleep with her before she leaves.

[ComeClarity]

I would ask her what she would like to do from here on out. See if you two are on the same page at all. She could be already assuming that you two will be in a LDR, or she may not have even given it a thought. So just ask. Then decide from there what you two will do.

 

I'll talk to her sometime this week about it - maybe next time we get together

 

It's only been a week, so I think committing to anything might be a mistake. But that's just my opinion.

 

It might be only the very beginning and be easy to walk away from - but I do want to see if there's a way to try. I don't really have the choice of waiting to decide

 

As for sleeping with her ... it really depends. Would you normally sleep with a girl whom you've only been seeing for less than a month? If so, then I suppose you could go for it if she's okay with it. If not, I would definitely not rush into that just because she's leaving. Just a word of advice-whether it's typical for you to sleep with someone right away or not, she might feel used if you sleep with her before she leaves.

 

I've slept with many women without dating them at all. Maybe after two weeks it'll just feel alright to do - but I don't want her to feel used. But there is a sense of rushing things because she's leaving.

[ToF]

If you feel like things are rushed right now, I would do the opposite and slow down. That's not a good way to start any relationship, especially since she's leaving. When you do talk to her, make it known that you are open and willing to try being exclusive with her even after she's gone. I really think it would be a mistake to put any sort of pressure on the situation. It may feel like the right thing to do, since she's leavnig so soon, but really this takes some very careful consideration.

 

Fact is, you do not know her. So how are you going to develop a relationship with this girl once she's moved away? What will make it worth it for you (and her), to stay together? Will you ever see her?

[ComeClarity]

Well how does anyone develop a relationship when they're so far away? They never see each other either - isn't that kinda the whole deal? For the longest time I didn't think a LDR was even really a relationship - sounds kinda like a joke. You're pen pals that have phone sex. But what about people that share a connection - by the time she's gone I'll have had three weeks talking to her pretty much every day. I won't know her but I'll know if I like her enough to want to spend time and share my thoughts and feelings with her.

 

What even IS a long distance relationship supposed to do then? Does it only work if you eventually see each other?

[happygal]

Since you just started a weeks ago, and you guys both knew she is moving back home I think you should remain just friends and keep things open.

The reason for that is the short timeframe you have been together and you really have no clue yet how this would have worked out. The nice thing of remaining friends is that you guys might grow really close through communication and than down the road you'll see what might happen without putting pressure on each other right now (which you don't need to have this early on anyhow, it would just break the wonderful butterfly feelings in the beginning of a relationship).

I suggest you enjoy the time you have, and remain a happy open friendship. You'll never know ;-)

Good Luck!

[ToF]

For one, I agree with happygal. The less pressure you put on the situation, the better off you'll be. You may end up really wanting to be with this girl at the end of these three weeks, so definitely let her know that you care about her. But unless she states that she really wants to give a LDR a try, I would not place ANY expectations on this, other than friendship. In fact, I'm of the opinion that even if she says she wants to have an exclusive relationship with you, you should probably opt out of that for a friendship. But like happygal said, keep that friendship one that is open to the possibility of "something more" at some point.

 

Well how does anyone develop a relationship when they're so far away? They never see each other either - isn't that kinda the whole deal? ... What even IS a long distance relationship supposed to do then? Does it only work if you eventually see each other?

 

All good questions. In my opinion, LDRs work out better when the couple already has a well-established relationship. For example, if you two had started dating a year ago, and she decided now that it was best for her to move back home for a little while. You two would already know each other, so the long-distance part would be about maintaining the relationship, rather than building it.

 

And I do not see the point of being in a long-distance relationship unless you will eventually see each other.