given up and need some peace

[lonelyangel]

hi i don't really know how to start this off but my depression started about 6 yrs ago.. i don't know why or how i think even as a teen i had problems fitting in and i never really had anyone to talk to.. it started affecting my studies and pretty soon i was really overwhelmed ... i was so stressed to the point that i took 25 tylenol pills and ended up in the hospital i had to stay for 3 days until i was evaluated by a psychiatrist... i graduated high school doin pretty well but then i decided to go pursue a law degree and about 2 yrs ago the depression resurfaced.. cause i never really dealt with my issues i just buried myself in studying and spent most of my time alone tryin to avoid people because of the shame of what i did.

 

but now the same problems are there and its affecting me worst now as i'm not functioning in my studies at all...i still don't have much friends and to top it off i feel inlove with a guy who doesn't wanna be with me...he says i'm not what he wants and needs... i feel really dead now because after going through so much i opened up 2 him and he fled from me so i feel like theres nobody or nothing left anymore.... i can't seem to achieve anything...i'm not outgoing or arrogant just simple and humble and i can't change this no matter how i try... i tried everything to make it work with him but with no luck...

 

i keep getting these chest pains at night... they weren't so bad at first but they're really bad now and i think i cry in my sleep.. cause some mornings i wake up crying.. its hard to go to bed crying and wake up crying...

 

i just need god to grant me 1 wish... just take me away from here because i have othing good to contribute to this world so its about time he takes me away from here

[turnera]

What does your doctor say?

[lonelyangel]

she says i'm clinically depressed once i'm on meds i'll be ok but i stopped them so long.. i started gaining weight...i know its a small price 2 b ok but honestly i really don't think the zoloft etc was really working.. all these things ever really did was made me sleep but not help with my real issues

[turnera]

Was this a psychiatrist? You need to go to a psychiatrist for this, not anyone else - they are the only ones who know the full spectrum of available meds. And there ARE hundreds of different ones, each with different effects. It often takes you two or three visits to figure out which - and how much - you should be taking, so that you DON'T have side effects and it DOES help your real issues.

 

You also have to be seeing a psychologist so you CAN discuss the issues and find solutions, so that the meds are just a temporary bridge to get you to the healthy side.