Regret eating at me...

[Lily04]

I need to get over this..lately I've been feeling such intense feelings of regret and loss, and stupidity for ill-made decisions that I can't correct. I feel like I just need to confess to somebody, to get it out, but I can't talk to any of my friends because they wouldn't understand and wouldn't be able to relate. I don't feel anyone can relate. I know I'm being irrational, but I just want to turn back time, to where I should have said something differently, or done something differently, that may have established something that I now feel lost...

 

I feel so empty.. I can't even eat because my stomach is twisted in knots and everything is without taste. I'm going out with my friends tomorrow, and I feel like they're always shoving their successes in my face, because they're happy and doing things, and content with their life, and I'm not. I've thought about going to a counsellor but that would be a voice of rationality, and I just need someone to listen, not judge. I just need someone to accept, not understand. Nothing bad happened so they won't understand, but there's just such a pain within that I need to eject and replace with something lighter.

 

I don't know why I'm writing this, but I don't know what to do. I guess I just thought writing this would help... I know if I try to explain to someone they will think I'm being dramatic, that I'm feeling emotional over something that's nothing, because I myself would normally dismiss it, but I can't get over it. I just feel so stupid..

[AngelOfDarknes]

i know how you feel....i feel the same way.sometimes.but hey who cares what you have done in the past, just move on, exept me, i still do stupid mistakes everyday...oh well but it does help talking to someone.

[mtastic]

Sparrow,

I know how you feel, sometimes it seems like everbody else I know has got their lives all togather, have tons of friends, girlfriends or boyfriends and are all really happy,and I'm just sitting off on my own because I always seem to do something stupid to sabotage my chances at having a good time. I beat myself up about this every so often when I start feeling down.

There isn't alot of advice I can give you except ride it out, it will get better eventually. You said you were thinking about going to a councelor, I would recommend it, i recently started going to one, and even thought i've only had 3 sessions so far it seems to be help just to have someone to talk to. I know you are worried that a councilor might be critical of you, I was too, but I have found that that hasd not been the case.

If you want to talk about what you're going through, post it up here, or pm me if you want to.

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

I am glad you found enotalone. It is a wonderful site that has a lot of good resources and caring people. Hopefully we can help you through your hard time.

 

You said nothing bad happened..... however you are anxious with emotions and seem frustrated. You want someone to listen but not judge. It sounds to me like you could definitely benefit from a psychologist. If you find a good one they're not going to judge you, just help you understand why you feel certain ways and can suggest ways to help you get through it. I'm no doctor but it sounds like you're suffering from some type of depression. (of course most of us here do periodically, that's why we're here). You say you don't have anyone to talk to..... either make that appointment with the psychologist, go see a clergy person, or write out your feelings here, either post them on a forum or pm some users that you feel you could relate to after browsing the forums.

 

I hope whatever you're going through passes soon, the old adage "This too, shall pass" is true.

 

I do know that we all feel that no one understands us at times and we're afraid of appearing silly or too emotional.... but that is not true. There is always someone who can relate to you and help you. You just need to find them.

 

Good luck,

[Lily04]

Hi, thanks guys..

 

I don't think I need a psychologist, I can usually deal with my feelings but sometimes I just get really down..it usually doesn't last for a long time though. I just feel a lot of anxiety..and regret. I might post about my problem later on, but I don't want to right now..or I'll pm someone. I think I might just overanalyze too much & that causes me to feel more down than I should..

 

Well thanks a lot..I should know next week how something turns out, hopefully for the better..=)

 

thanks again,

 

sparrow

[Lily04]

Hi Sparrow,

 

I often feel the same way..I personally don't think it's depression, I just tend to feel depressed at times. I'm not sure about your situation though, but if you think you have control over it, you might not need a counsellor, although it may help..I find it's often helpful to talk about things with friends. If you ever want to talk, give me a pm..even if you think it's irrational, that's ok, I don't care. =)

 

take care,

 

lily04

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

Thanks Lily Well things didn't turn out as wonderfully as planned, but that's ok..I'm sorta apathetic about it. I have regrets, not so much about dramatic events, but small things that I've somehow inflated because they mean a lot to me. It's not like someone died or something, it's just I feel regret because I allowed nothing to consume everything..basically, I allowed emptiness to flourish when I could have had a wonderful relationship. I didn't even allow it to really start...which sounds trivial and stupid compared to so many other problems in the world, but it's just been really eating at me..

 

anyways, I'll post later or give you a pm, I'm getting involved in other things & trying not to dwell on this so much. I think that's the best way to get around it.

 

Thanks again guys..

 

sparrow

[Lily04]

Hi,

 

well I just wanted to thank you guys & let you know that things are better. I had a rough day today..I failed an English exam & things didn't turn out that well with my relationship problem, but I feel a lot better because I realize that this basically isn't the end of the world, that I can go on, move on & get over this. I don't really feel regret anymore, I feel a bit apathetic..but ok. Like acceptance. I know I'm not doing particularly well, but I have hope that things will get better. I don't really feel a need to confess anymore..well to some extent I do..I want to talk to an old friend. But there's not the same anxiety accompanying it.

 

Anyways, thanks again,

 

sparrow

[Lily04]

Hi..

 

I just wanted your opinions..I thought I was over this, but I'm still feeling really down. I've been trying to keep myself more occupied over the last few days but everytime I'm not doing something my mind returns to the problem...it's especially hard since I'm taking a course in summer school & we're reading romantic poetry and it seems like it just keeps hitting me in the face. I have a feeling this is one of those things that is not going to be resolved and I should probably let go, but I'm having a lot of difficulties with that. In any case, I was wondering if you think it would be advantageous to see a counsellor..it's free at my school, but the problem is I never know what to say. I can say my feelings, but I can't communicate the problem well..it would turn out like something as opaque as poetry, just a jumble of emotions..

 

It bugs me because I'm usually a very analytical person, but I just can't seem to figure this out. But if I can't, I can't see how others can help me if I can't really describe the problem..

 

I don't know what to do..

[Lily04]

Hi sparrow,

 

Although I don't think this is technically depression (I think it has to last for 2+ weeks) by the way it sounds it may be better to get help sooner than later..I don't see how it can hurt much. And I think the problem you're having with articulating your problem is that you're trying to be rational & understand it..don't worry about that though! Just say what you feel, what happened, and get it off your chest. The counsellor will listen & try to help you, even if it doesn't all make sense. Emotions hardly ever make sense, so I'm sure she's used to hearing things like this. It may be hard for you, but try talking about it with someone, even just a friend at least.

 

Hope that helped,

 

lily04

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

thanks for the quick response =) I don't think it's depression, but I'm just feeling really down. And I'm still not eating much because my stomach is in knots..it's a great diet though..heh. But this weekend I'm supposed to go camping with my 2 best friends but they're each bringing their boyfriend and I don't really want to go anymore. I have a feeling I'm not going to have fun & I don't want to see them falling in love & then be all alone..ugh. Like one of them is still in that just-started-dating cutsie stage..and I'm also sorta scared I'll just be walking on the beach and tears will fall for no reason and they'll see. That happened to me today, I was just sitting on the subway looking at an advertisement and for no reason felt tears at my eyes, although I held them back..it would have been so embarrassing if they came though. And although my friends are great, as I said before they wouldn't be able to understand so I couldn't talk it over with them... I guess a counsellor is the best option then..but I just can't picture me going to one. I've gone to one before just about law school admissions and ended up talking and seeking advice myself more than the counsellor..but not just that, I just feel like I can't. I would go there & not know what to say and probably make something up about being anxious about exams or something...I would go in completely calm and professional, and not appear as if anything's wrong..

 

I just don't think I can do it. I want to, but it won't work.

[Celadon]

Hi sparrow,

 

Sounds like you could use a little hope. Well, I understand. Regret over missed opportunities can really be awful. But please don't think it's the end of the world. Really, there isn't just one path in life. So many people get second chances, whether that's a second chance at love, or with friends, or in school, or in their careers. If one door has closed, another one will open up. Believe me on that. I've had many second chances, thank God.

 

One thing that makes regret so bad is feeling like "I should have..." or "I screwed up." Hey -- no one, absolutely no one, is perfect. We've all missed the boat at one time or other. Some people's mistakes have been really really awful, but still, they learn to move on and look ahead to something good. So let's not beat ourselves up over being human, okay?

 

I think that seeing a counselor is just fine. If your school offers the service for free, go try it out. Nothing to lose, and something to gain.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Lily04]

Thanks Katie,

 

that actually really helped I guess I've just been reading a bit about the concept of soulmates & it seems like such an interesting process..how people seem to find each other and click and then you fall in love, and I realized that I had that opportunity and didn't act on it. Now I would've liked to act on it, but the person's leaving for another country and I'll probably never see him again. Not only that, but I don't even know what my feelings for him are..we never dated..but there's other stuff in-between that makes it more complicated. ugh. Do you see how stupid it is now? I'm obsessing over something that never was..we weren't a couple or anything, barely friends. But I've never met anyone so close before and scared him off, and now..I don't know. I guess I'll meet someone, I just have this irrational fear that I'll never marry and never meet someone, and live a meaningless life if I don't get into law school or grad school because then I won't have a substitute for that empty space that I've created. And I don't even know how much of it I really control..I think in the past I've helped create that emptiness, but fate isn't completely in our hands either, I don't think..ugh. Anyways, I'm just such an ambitious person that it's making it tougher to accept the fact that I screwed up and have to move on. In the past I've always been able to somehow make things turn out right, and achieved my goals, but this is something new and I feel like I don't have much control over..

 

hmm..perhaps I'm being too philosophical, lol. oh well. this is how I sort out my problems though, usually by writing them down, which I wasn't able to do before..I was able to communicate it better now, although not entirely. this is just the essense of it..

 

But you're right. Ultimately I have to move on. I might be able to become friends with this person and that would be great, ultimately it's probably for the best.

 

Well that helped writing it out..I'm just glad this thing is anonymous

[Lily04]

Wow. Yeah you are really philosophical

 

Don't worry so much about the future, I've found that personally makes things a lot more stressful than they should be. Carrying a deterministic philosophy also helps; essentially thinking that life is controlled by some outside force, not your own. So if you guys were meant to be together it'll happen =) I believe that anyways. Just don't force anything, love shouldn't be some ambitious goal that you're meaning to achieve, it usually just happens. If you miss an opportunity for it, that's ok, there will be more, trust me. Especially if you go to grad school/law school, which you probably will, then you'll meet people compatible with your interests and such. You still have plenty of time. =) It seems like you're trying to control too much..just learn from this & move on. I know, it seems easier said than done. But if you don't want to see a counsellor, then the next best thing to talking it over (or writing it for some ppl. I guess) is to get yourself immersed in something else so your mind is off this. Join a new activity, concentrate on school, anything..just don't think about this.

 

You seem like a very interesting person, I'm sure you'll meet the right person in time.. don't fret about it.

 

Take care, and if you ever want to talk message me..

 

Lily04

[Celadon]

this is how I sort out my problems though, usually by writing them down, which I wasn't able to do before...

...I'm just glad this thing is anonymous

 

LOL! I write my thoughts out, too. It really helps. I gain insights I hadn't realized before.

 

About the anonymity -- I'm with ya. I appreciate how everyone's giving heartfelt advice, and being honest about their problems, but I'm really glad to do it in a safe environment like this. I think this site is really unique.

[Lily04]

Thanks..just as an update, I'm feeling a lot better now for real..

 

I just started to like someone else & am seeing things from a new perspective, through a different lens it seems. I don't feel the needy attachment I did before, or the regret hovering - it's now in the past. =) And I don't think it was my fault that nothing worked out, you can't force yourself to like someone and it just wasn't the right time..I think I was upset as well because this year I was trying to be more outgoing & extrovertive and I started to be like that but then retreated back and never pursued as many opportunities as I would have liked. But it's not like my life is ending, there's still many years and many more experiences to come..

 

Anyways, thanks again for the advice. As usual I was able to work things out, with the assistance of luck, so a counsellor wasn't necessarily although I was seriously considering it Maybe in the future if I start stressing out like this again I will, but usually I'm able to work things out somehow..

 

See ya,

 

sparrow

[Celadon]

That's great, Sparrow. Thanks for taking the time to update us. I know what you mean about trying to be different, but then reverting back to your old ways. The important thing is just to keep on going, I guess. Good luck with the new interest!