Question about moving in with girlfriend

[byates5637]

Me and my gf of 1.5 years are planning on moving in together in June. We just started looking at apartments. I have lived with a lot of guys before...but never a girl. Some guys I lived with I ended up getting in arguments/fist fights with and never talking to again....and some guys I got along with good. I understand that dynamic pretty well, but I'm not totally sure what to expect living with a girl.

 

My girlfriend is totally loyal to me and I have faith in her in that respect, but she can be naggy/complain a lot at times. I'm worried if I live with her she might drive me crazy. I still want to try it though... I mean I'm 26 years old so it's about time I take the next step in life and see what happens. Even if it is fail I'm sure I can still learn from it and use it in my next relationship.

 

Can anyone give any advice or share any stories about how this worked out for them? Thanks enotalone. I love you.

[hannah_k]

First thing, although it's good to know it can be a learning experience, don't be so quick to talk about the "next relationship." It's a nail in the coffin. Trust me.

 

I moved in with my boyfriend after 9 months. I'll go ahead and say that you're doing the right thing by getting a new apartment. I've been here for 7 months and I still don't feel like it's my place too.

 

I'm usually the messy one. And the nagging can get old, but if you're relationship is strong, you'll find a balance. Couples nag each other. It's a fact of life.

 

The key is to make sure you talk about expectations and fairly regularly. So that you guys stay on the same page and know what to expect. Avoiding that will cause things to fester, and it will suck immensely.

 

Good luck!

[Sarati]

You mention in your next-to-last paragraph about your "next relationship". I am not so sure that moving in with this girl will go well, especially if you are treating it as temporary. Moving in with a girl is serious business, so I would really think twice before doing it. Make sure you are both on the same page about where your relationship is headed. Shacking up casually is never a good idea.

[Kumatora]

My girlfriend is totally loyal to me and I have faith in her in that respect, but she can be naggy/complain a lot at times. I'm worried if I live with her she might drive me crazy.

That is a valid concern. You both need to learn how to handle your arguments and complaints better without driving each other crazy BEFORE moving in. Once you're moved in, there's no places to be alone, get a grip, and post-pone figuring out a resolution the next day. Fights will drive a couple out in a heartbeat.

 

I also echo Sarati's comment. If you feel that you cannot commit to this girl right now, then you aren't ready to move in. You move in because you feel ready and that you are truly committed to this person. You're not thinking about another relationship. Age has NOTHING to do with being ready. I know plenty of 30 year olds who act like they're 15.

[_Asti_]

I'm inclined to join the others in the comment about the next relationship!

 

What are your reasons for moving in together? If you're doing this for convenience and because, well its been 1.5 years...then you may want to reconsider it. The whole disposable attitude about the relationship may do you more harm then good.

 

Have you discussed marriage? The long term goals as a couple? Are you doing this because your relationship is ready to move forward, and you both are doing this and taking this step because its what you both want and its part of the bigger picture for your future together?

 

I couldn't imagine having the frame of mind of "If it fails, atleast it will be a learning experience..." If I thought that way, I would say that I was not in the right frame of mind to be moving forward.

 

My guy and I got out first place together about 9 months ago [we're 24 and 29, been together 6 years...] And its been awesome, and amazing, and we were ready for it and its a stepping stone for marriage and starting our lives together. It wasn't a trial thing, it wasn't a try before you buy, there were no doubts, no second thoughts, never did "If it fails oh well" cross either of our minds.

 

Sounds like you want a roommate more than taking your relationship further..maybe evaluate the real reasons you're doing this, and if nagging will be an issue. Because I can guarantee, the small issues that bother you now while living apart will be magnified and have the potential to become even worse.

[geekgirl4]

Ah, don't move in because you think it's an expected stage in your life and relationship. You're not weird or a failure if you're 26 and still haven't moved in with someone. It sounds like you're unsure when you said she drives you crazy sometimes and you're worried about it. You should move in when you're sure that even if she drives you crazy, you don't care because you love her. I think you should wait.