thlocke Posted April 14, 2010 Share Posted April 14, 2010 Well it has been awhile since I've posted for help on here. Most often i post something and then people tell me what I think is the wrong answer, but I ignore it because I listen to only what I want to hear. However, after looking back on everything, people on here are often right and I make the wrong decision. That being said, I am in a very difficult situation. Partly because this is my first major long-term relationship, but also because it is a long-distance relationship. Can't be much worse. Anyways, my current girlfriend of 6 months has been living in a different country since January. It was a difficult decision to make, partly because we didn't know each other that well, but we thought we should try it long distance. It was hard at first, but eventually I was able to visit her. We talked every day up until then on Skype, many times for hours and hours. I always looked forward to talking to her and she was always excited to see me. However, when I visited her things got kind of strange. It seemed like she wasn't interested in me anymore and told me that she didn't love me as much. It was a difficult situation in that since it was such a short time that I was there, I tried to make everything perfect. Obviously this was impossible and there was just too much pressure. Eventually I leave and she says she still wants to see me again in the summer. Again, the week or so after I left it was very difficult on me as I missed her so much. I then found out that she thinks coming there again is too much of a commitment and that she is having second thoughts. So I spend the next few days trying to talk her back into the idea. I then realized why exactly am I trying to convince her to spend time with me. If she does not want me to come there, then why should I be making all the effort? So I finally started using some good judgement and basically went no contact for a few days. During that time she called me repeatedly saying how lonely she was and that she thought about it and she really wanted me to come. When we started talking again everything was great. However, I can't help but feel that once I return to my own ways of talking to her all the time and being sweet and nice that she will soon lose interest in me. So my problem is that I want to have some control in this relationship. Before I pretty much depended on her and would do anything for her. I realized that I need to stop being so available and stop letting her just walk all over me. It's just so hard for me to be mean and ignore her or tell her that something she is doing is making me mad. She just looks so sad and I always end up feeling like an * * * * * * * and that I'm doing more harm than good. To add to that, I am moving to a new place after the summer so when she comes back she will have to decide whether or not she wants to join me. It's hard to make that decision when I will hardly get to see her until then. So in summary, help? Link to comment
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