Hating myself - I just broke NC

[nanana]

Split up for 5 weeks, been NC for 3 weeks. Haven't seen each other since the night we broke up. Last time I saw him he was cuddling me and tellin me he loves me. He did the dumping. I just text asking if he'll be around this weekend so I can get my stuff back. He'll think I'm trying to get back together...

 

Why couldn't I just leave it?! Now I'm just feeling anxious and sick wondering if he'll respond. I'm at work just shaking.

 

I really miss him I keep blaming myself for our split. This is all horrible!

[Psinic]

Hey Nanana,

 

Firstly - cut yourself some slack. You need to get your stuff back and if this is the first time you have broken NC - then you are doing really really well.. I have been broken up for 6 weeks now and have broken it like 4 times already, last time i sent her roses and never heard anything back. I know your pain, but it is a normal pain. You are doing very well and contacting him for your stuff back is a legitimate contact anyway.

 

Why are you blaming yourself? What reasons did he give?

 

I would suggest, as you are clearly not over him, that if he responds and you arrange to get your stuff back, do it politely and calmly. But keep the conversation to business only. And dont meet face to face to get your stuff back either..

 

Take care,

 

Psi.

[nanana]

No reply - I want to go home and cry. He said he wanted to meet up in a few weeks and now he won't even respond to a text about getting my stuff.

 

I used to moan at him a lot about the fact he'd never spend any time with me, cancel on me frequently, was a bit hot and cold. I wish I'd just chilled out and let him get on with it, I didn't need to make such a big deal of it.

 

He then turned around and said he can't handle a relationship and doesn't want one anymore. It sucks because he gave me so many other mixed signals when we broke up, but I guess he was just letting me down gently.

 

I feel heartbroken that he hasn't responded. DON'T BREAK NC GUYS. Makes you feel worse...

[nanana]

Oh, and it's not worth destroying 3 weeks of progress over just to have your ego beaten to death a bit more!

[metafisics]

You are really being hard on yourself.

 

He could not be responding because when you met he told you he loves you, and promised to meet up again in a few weeks. Maybe he is dissapointed that you now want to finalise things by taking your stuff back.

 

Just a possible reason why he is not responding. Whether its right or wrong thats another story. So you really dont have to beat yourself up about this.

 

What I would do in your shoes is seat calmly and wait, no follow up text until maybe three days later where you remind him about the text. You do need to get your stuff back after all. Unless you believe it is trivial stuff that you didnt really need after all.

 

Chill, you're really doing fine so far.

[nanana]

I just really thought if I left him alone for three weeks he'd be open to communication. I guess the really stupid part of me thought he might actually miss me too.

 

No, he's not disappointed that I'm not gonna see him, cos the text I actually sent asked if he's going to be around this weekend. I didn't mention getting my stuff back, but it was my intention to go into that later. So he just thinks I want to meet up... And obviously over these 3 weeks has decided he'd rather not anymore.

 

I sent a follow-up after 3 hours just saying 'no worries, just wanted to see about getting my stuff back, but i can get it some other time! hope you're well!'

 

I wish this didn't hurt so much.

[metafisics]

Ok, now I get you... your intention was to open the lines of communication.

 

Now I understand why you're kicking yourself. Its done, pick up the pieces and get back on NC again. You will recover.

[nanana]

God knows why I was trying that. My family HATE him, my friends HATE him, they think he's abusive and selfish, but obviously I've seen nicer sides to him also and I find as my anger towards him fades away, I just keep letting myself think of good memories. We were on holiday together just a couple of months ago!

 

He was my first love, so I think that's what makes this harder. I wish more than anything I could stop blaming myself and saying that I drove him away. I was insecure because he couldn't make up his mind about us. He'd often say he wants to break up then change his mind an hour later, but it ended up destroying my confidence and trust in him.

 

I think today was the first time it really sunk in. He's moved on. When he broke up with me he kept telling me he was still in love with me, still has the same feelings for me, all that rubbish. Last time we spoke he said he missed me. I told him I missed him too.

 

I also EVENTUALLY said he'd done the right thing. I said it because I didn't want him to feel guilty for dumping me after all the begging I'd done. He would have known I didn't mean it, but I didn't want him to feel the pressure of hurting me so much, as I imagine the guilt must be difficult for a dumper to deal with! I love him too much to want him to feel bad.

 

This is an essay, sorry.

 

It's really over. What now? How do I forget the good memories?

[prada]

firstly keep NC or else you would never move fwd. The memories will fade in time.. but only if you want it to,. if you sit around and think about it, its never going to fade. but it will, you will realise one day that they are not sitting an thinking about anything.. and it will just hit you that u are wasting time. time heals everything. you will see. it can be months or even years, moving on has no expiration date. My ex left me for someone else over a year now.. and i still cant get a hold of myself and put my life back together and i have been on NC about more than 10 months now but recently broke it when he called!!! and i felt like sh*t breaking it! (his excuse was, he just called to say HELLO like * * * & he never called back-- and do you know, for a second i actually thought he was missing me??? he was not, im sure he just called to make never forget abt him) stay strong and with our help,. you will do this...! but i hope you know, you are only going to do it if you genuinely want to!!