How often are you supposed to communicate with a guy you just met?

[kolfan]

I met this guy online, and after a few in depth email exchanges, he asked if he could call me. When I spoke to him, he was just lovely, and he asked if he could speak to me again. He also asked if he could visit me (he's overseas) and I guess I consented, I was so excited by the prospect. I know it's soon. Probably too soon.

 

I checked him out and am on his facebook and am quite sure he's no axe murderer! Anyway, although he seems wonderful when he talks on the phone, and we seem to get along very well, sometimes he is not so frequent at communicating online, and I feel I need to talk to him through those channels as well before he comes to visit. Indeed, if he wants to make such a drastic step as to get on a plane and fly 4000 miles, surely he wants to get to know me, the "real me".

 

So I emailed yesterday (there is a few hours time difference between us). At this time he would have been working. He replies that he is so busy with work that he can't talk just yet, and he'd get back to me when things slow down, which I took to mean later in the evening last night. However, I heard nothing from him-ok-I know hardly any time has passed-but, I feel like he's not really interested in me or he'd be talking at any possible opportunity. I may be wrong, perhaps he is better talking on the phone than he is online, and doesn't get much from talking through those channels.

 

So, how often are you supposed to communicate with someone you just started talking to but really did hit it off with? Is once a day too often?

 

I am confused.

[sidehop]

It'll depend on the person really. How long did you two talk before he talked about coming to see you 4,000 miles away?

[kolfan]

It'll depend on the person really. How long did you two talk before he talked about coming to see you 4,000 miles away?

 

He asked me on the first phone call!

[sidehop]

He asked me on the first phone call!

 

I would be very cautious to be honest. I could understand if you two spoke for few months, got to know each other better, did some picture exchanging (or video) and decided to move forward. It's too soon.

[kolfan]

I would be very cautious to be honest. I could understand if you two spoke for few months, got to know each other better, did some picture exchanging (or video) and decided to move forward. It's too soon.

 

Can I ask why you are so cautious? I can guess that you think he may be dangerous, or wants just sex? My opinion is that he wants to meet me before I get away, but I may just be a wishful thinker.

[Billy Ray]

I'd communicate for a few months before I met him. I'd say talking, emailing and chatting every day if you two really like each other is reasonable. I talk to my GF everyday for hours and I can't get enough of talking to her. A few times we didn't talk for a day and I really missed her a lot. In fact, I'm getting ready to call her up now.

[sidehop]

Can I ask why you are so cautious? I can guess that you think he may be dangerous, or wants just sex? My opinion is that he wants to meet me before I get away, but I may just be a wishful thinker.

 

He's rushing it if he's really wanting to come see you so soon. The sweet talk is nice but you barely know this guy.

[kolfan]

So, I feel like I am going crazy. I emailed this guy on Friday night to ask him to call my house phone instead of my mobile, as I expected a call from him that day. No reply and hence I wasn't sure if he'd picked it up. At around about the time he was mean to phone I got a call from my mobile, but I missed the call as I was rushing around trying to stop my music! Anyways, as no message was left I assumed that he just hadn't got around to calling me (there was no real way of knowing it was him) and I sent an email asking if he was around. No reply. The next day I sent another email saying I thought we'd missed each other, not wanting to say "hey, you didn't call me!" and again, still no reply. I sent that yesterday morning.

 

I get so wound up when men don't contact me for a while. I think they are running for the hills. I feel I can't cope anymore. It may sound so petty, but, I really like this person and I just can't get a hold of him. He has not given me a contact number, just an email which I know he checks regularly on weekdays.

 

What do I do from now? I guess there's not much.

[KH26]

I'd say be careful too. It wouldn't be so bad if you lived close to eachother for him to suggest meeting after the first phonecall but for him to want to come 4000 miles to meet you after a short time sounds a bit strange, maybe that's just me though. He might be a lovely guy and everyone moves at different speeds. It's really up to what you think though, if you feel it's OK then go for it.

 

As for him not contacting you. I wouldn't worry so much for now. He might just be busy or have other things to do while he's off work. I'm sure he'll get back to you when he's got more time. Is he doing anything this weekend? Could he just be with friends or family and maybe hasn't seen your email yet? Give it a few days at least. Don't panic!

[kolfan]

I say you can never to be "too busy" to send an email. He has been known to do this on weekends, though. It's just torment, not knowing whether you'll hear from him again. It's horrible. Especially when you like a guy, and you worry you've done something wrong, like been too communicative or been too keen. I just have this massive fear of sabotaging every potential relationship.

 

I wish I'd answered that call the other night to see if it was him.