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Beating self up, horrible day, horrible experience


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I had had an ok day, but it really went down hill later on. I had a read through of a play tonight, and i was so tired going into to it.

It takes me like an hour to drive out to where the rehearsel space is and i am a zombie the whole way......literally i feel like i am high on something. I have been feeling this way lately, it happens after the day has gotten going.


SO i bomb at the read through of this play, i was cast in a main part, and this is my first play.....but with my tiredness and depression mood, i just was horribel in my opinioon, there were parts were i had to take a second between words to get them out....my brain was like blahhHhhh.....is was mush. So during it was feeling just horrible and started to think that i couldnt play this part or any in the futrue, that i need to just go kill mysefl, suicidal came, and are still thier, in that moment of frustration i wanted to kill myself

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You seem like an over-achiever which most people wouldnt think that but they are more likely to be suicidal. They put you as the main part in a play so you must be doing something right. You had a really bad day in your eyes. Its just if you get to step away from it for alittle while you might see its not all bad. You might not like it and wish you could change it but in the end it is what it is.


I think gettin help would work but you need to find out what works best for you. Im just kinda not sure what to think about what exactly about your experience made you suicidal. I wouldnt think about it too much because sometimes you just need to get away from experiences like that so you have a better perspective.

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