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over him, but not over the effects of the r'ship

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Hi there,

It's been a while since I logged into eNotalone.

It's been 6 months since my ex dumped me. I know he's not the one - but still I was hurt and devastated. It was a bad breakup, from a bad relationship.


Right now in my heart I know I don't love him anymore - I haven't loved him for quite some time. Sometimes when I see him at Uni, I quickly turn away and avoid him because the sight of him made me feel nauseous.


I'm over him, but I can't get over how much of a jerk he was to me. I am still mad at myself for letting myself dedicate so much of my time, my love on this JERK.


Just the other day we arranged to 'catch-up' and NO, it wasn't one of those cheap attempts to save the broken relationship - it was more like a medical procedure that had to be done, since we used to see each other all the time, it was proper if we updated each other on our lives.


Afterwards I told him that "We shouldn't be meeting up like this anymore... I've been really happy the last few months and I don't want anything to ruin it"... I hope he understood that it meant that as long as he is in my life, I can't be happy.


After leaving him I ran and cried. I couldn't handle talking or being around him. He is my mountain of overwhelming hurt and pain. To top it off, there is no way he could ever amend the damage he has caused me. That's why even after a few days from that little meeting, I am still going through the grieving process again.


It's time for me to gather up my strength again and deal with this. I am afraid of being too weak - but then I realise, that I can be strong, because I can pull myself out from my deepest weakness.


> Is there anyone out there that can relate to this part of moving on?

Has anyone been so burnt from their last relationship, that they are still trying to build their emotional foundations again?

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Yes I do understand it can take a very long time to heal from the emotional damage caused from being in an unhealthy relationship even though you are over the person. But I must ask, because I don't understand - why in the world are you arranging catch up sessions with this guy? Why do either of you owe the other an explanation of what's going on in your lives? This confuses me.

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Why the catch-up sessions?


We go to the same uni - and for some reason we kept bumping into each other awkwardly. He then started to call me once a week and asking to catch up - but I was always in class. By the 3rd week of attempts - I choose the time to catch up - just to get it over and done with. I didn't know why he wanted to meet up with me. Perhaps I secretly wanted him to still miss me or something. Or even discuss the things from the past to ensure some closure for me.


After that awkward catch-up session, I felt terrible. And I wondered why on earth did I meet up with him. And that was then I realised I was over him, but I wasn't over the hurt from our unhealthy relationship. I couldn't care less what he is doing in his life, because I am no longer a part of it.


My ex just wanted to catch up properly instead of bumping awkwardly with me at uni.


I am confused myself as to why he wanted to hear about my life. At least I am sure now that he shouldn't even be part of my life in the first place

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Ok well I will say your healing will be impeded by meeting up with him. No reason for that I'd say. Really, someone who treat you so horribly shouldn't be too hard to tell him to buzz off. Like I said, it takes time. I know you are in the same vicinity as him so seeing him can't be avoided but meeting up with him sure can. I had to go complete NC. So do that as much as possible and find someone you can talk to about how you feel about the situation. Someone you can trust, not so much to have pouting sessions, but just get your feelings out about how he treated you. You also will have to find a way to forgive yourself. You aren't the first, nor will you be the last to have allowed someone so toxic to remain in your life.


I have found that opening up and talking to a trusted friend can help tremendously. I was very closed up for a very long time and never let any of my feelings out, or told what really happened in the relationship. I have made great progress just by taking that step. Remember it will take a lot of time. Emotional damage isn't so easy to get past.

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Thank you.

You're right about talking about it with friends... in fact without them I wouldn't have been able to go through with it.

However this is 6 months on, I feel kinda... reluctant to talk about my ex with my friends... it feel like if I talk about it more and more, they would think I'm crazy. My friends absolutely hate my ex, they can by all means, but hating him myself does not mean that I am healed.


I told my ex that for a while I thought of him as a monster - but I have to learn that he is simply a person who made mistakes in his relationship.

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I am roughly 5 months past my break up and am still feeling the effects of the loss. She was cold and callus in the end and it really had a deep emotional burn on me. The hardest part has been letting go, not of the relationship, but the words she used after everything we went through. So in so many words... I can relate. I hope your road to healing is shorter then you think, we deserve better then this. Good luck...

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I went through this. It was really tough. A pathetic as I may seem, even after here years I still go back through the grieving process whenever I see my ex. It is as bad as it once was, but seeing him or people asking about him still brings up all of the pain he causes me. Just one of those things I don't think I'll eer get over. You just have to give it lots of one and stay away from him

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I think it goes down to what *frenchfries* had said and having to forgive myself because I had let myself down, and allowed this person to hurt me.


There was no way my ex would come to me and apologise specifically about the things he has done - it's not something I can expect. He did apologise however on msn - after I had told him that being with him was a living nightmare. I am still too weak to delete him off my msn...


I'm not a person who is constantly depressed about the breakup. I know I am in a better place, and I know that I can be happy.


6 months on... and it still takes... EFFORT. Yes effort to not contact him. Effort to not thinking about the past. Effort to not letting anger and hurt control me. And effort to TRUST in myself that I can do BETTER.


I was the best thing that has ever happened in his life - but now I realised that I don't give a crap about his life anymore.


It's time for me to improve on my own life.

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