Shy guys: meeting once a month?

[Chilli]

Hello, I have a question for shy guys out there. If someone likes you, and asks you out - how often is too often, is once a month too much? Will it be too intrusive for you?

 

Background:

 

This guy I've liked for years is shy, he's 32 years old, has never been in relationship. About 1.5 years ago, I finally got the courage to ask him out. We went to meal and movies a few times, he treated me well (pick me up and such - but never paid for me) but when I told him I wanted to be closer, he said he liked someone else (say, Ms. A) to the point that he gave her a ring (and she freaked out He told me he's stupid on these things, etc etc - he was quite open to me.

 

I dated someone else for a short time because I was hurt, it didn't work. For almost a year I avoided him. Then end of last year he got us circle of friends to go out together. I noticed he became much more attentive to me. We then met up a few times, so I asked him for dinner just two of us again. That time he repeatedly told me that "it's not going to happen" between Ms. A and him. That was like telling me that he was not closing door. We then had another dinner.

 

In short, the last 5-6 times we met, he had changed a lot to me from how he was 1.5 years ago. Now he is much more relaxed with me, becomes chatty and attentive, even paid for my dinner last Friday.

 

I sense that he's feeling secure and quite confident around me, but not quite sure that he wants me .... yet. I read that with shy guys we have to move in slow pace and be patient. I know he's not going to ask me out - even though he never refused if I ask him, so I will keep on asking to meet.

 

I don't plan to ask too often, and I won't talk about feelings / relationships / etc. I will just treat him like close friends, will gently talk about neutral things. I don't want to stifle him or scare him away. Ultimately, I don't want to ruin the friendship even if I don't get him.

 

So, is once a month ok?

[dan92]

That don't sound like enough to me, maybe once a fortnight sounds a bit better. Sounds like he might be on the right track towards more though.

[Green Mile]

Yeah I think once a month is too little, once a fortnight at the least I'd say! If he likes you, despite being shy he will want to be with you quite regularly even if it doesn't show. I know that's how I'd feel.

[eggplant47]

I think once or twice a month is ok since your guy is shy & still dealing with a bit of baggage. But before too long, I think you should step back & see if he steps up to the plate!