Kind of cold after 24 hours together?

[meiling]

I'm wondering if this happens to other people too in their relationships, or if it's specific to the current situation I'm in. My boyfriend and I have been together about a year, but we only see each other every couples weeks due to distance, work and school.

 

I went up to his place Friday and spent the night. It had felt like such a long week that we were both really giddy and bubbly to see each other. That lasted basically the whole night. The next day I felt so low energy because I hadn't been able to sleep at his place, but was trying. I was still really happy to be with him for a few hours but had a hard time coming up with other things to talk about. He had slept through the night, but was pretty quiet. We went out for lunch but by then, it seemed awkward. He was extremely silent, when I tried to make him laugh it didn't really work, he wasn't smiling, didn't really look at me at all during lunch. It felt like maybe he just was tired of having me around, so as soon as we got back I packed my stuff up and left, which was two hours earlier than we'd planned.

 

This kind of thing happened once before on Valentine's Day, we had spent the whole previous day together so that night he seemed kind of cold and was very quiet (usually he talks alot more than me). I did ask him about it later and he said part of the reason was that some old couple was staring at us the whole time during dinner.

 

I can really understand running out of fun things to talk about after spending 24 hours attached at the hip, or even feeling the need for a little space, but when we spend that long together you can still tell that I'm happy and I love him. His non-verbal communication just does a complete 180. He didn't even question me leaving two hours early when we really don't get much time together, so that hurt a little bit.

 

What exactly is this? If anyone does the same thing in this situation, please explain it to me because I am confused!

[Traveler27]

Sorry to be blunt, but he sounds like a jerk. If you get on so well during the evening (I assume physical intimacy is involved), and then he is distant the next day, well that is a warning sign right there. Something is wrong with him -- it's not necessarily anything to do with you, but it sounds like he is not looking for a serious relationship.

[citymouse]

I was still really happy to be with him for a few hours but had a hard time coming up with other things to talk about. He had slept through the night, but was pretty quiet. We went out for lunch but by then, it seemed awkward. He was extremely silent, when I tried to make him laugh it didn't really work, he wasn't smiling, didn't really look at me at all during lunch.ng at us the whole time during dinner.

 

 

Without really knowing you guys, it's kind of hard to say. At first I was wondering if you're uncomfortable with silence and maybe you were trying too hard to fill up the quiet silences with busy talk -- and maybe he found that annoying -- but then you said that you do understand that it's OK to be quiet sometimes...

 

I don't know. Maybe he is cranky? Maybe he doesn't like too much togetherness for extended periods? Or maybe this is a sign that there are communication gaps between the two of you?

 

I agree with you though, in that I would find it a little upsetting or at least confusing if he seems to shut down and go a little cold the longer that you're together.

 

I guess my advice would be when he gets like that to quiet down too, don't "try to make him laugh" or whatever. Let the silence hang in the air and see if HE takes any steps to lighten things up. In other words, you're trying to do the work here, and it isn't working. Let it be uncomfortable or quiet and see if HE notices or if HE tries to make more of an effort.

 

Do you guys talk on the phone/email/text or anything in between your visits? If so, how is that going?

[Cognitive_Canine]

When you are apart, do you talk with video chat or by phone?

[meiling]

 

Do you guys talk on the phone/email/text or anything in between your visits? If so, how is that going?

 

We probably talk two or three times a week on the phone, he works long graveyard shifts so those nights we'll usually text a few times. There are no problems there.

 

And just the night before I came, he said how much he couldn't wait to see me and then was really lovey-dovey all of Friday, early on Saturday was fine but then the last couple hours he was the opposite. At lunch he might have said two sentences to me without me asking him about something first and we had to wait for our food for a while. The drive back he didn't say anything, but I asked him if his parents would want to come to graduation and he said no. Then I said I was going to get my stuff together when we got back and he just said, "You're leaving? Ok."

 

It's just really worrying, we're going to be spending two days with just us together for our anniversary and I hope this kind of thing doesn't happen

[Cognitive_Canine]

You need to start video chatting.

 

We had the same problem. It's because it's awkward to not see someone. You have to connect the voice to the face, which takes a long time. And then, after a few days, it's like "oh, I remember you!".