Having Issues with my Long distance relationship, dont know what to do.

[shadowcat]

Well im going to try to get to the point here. I been having a long distance relationship with a girl from Miami, im 25, shes 22. I went to see her in January for the first time after chatting online and talking on the fone for like 3 months,and we hit it off well since we saw each other in the airport.

We went out everyday,we kissed,held hands the whole nine, it seemed this girl was all into me..i mean you could see it in her eyes, but then again sometimes she was hesisitant to kiss me so i dont know about that.

Anyway i was in miami for like 7 days, the second last day we decided we would be in this relationship(i asked her) if she wanted to be my girl, she thought about it and said yes.

The first month after i had gone to see her was great, we talked on the fone, chat everyday, sent each other emails blah blah....

But now this Month shes been acting kind of strange, for example i tell her i would call her and she just takes it as a joke,i try calling her and no one picks up, she doesnt even make the effort to call me. We would go days without talking on the fone. The other day i asked her why she doesnt call me (she uses her moms cell, which she dont mind) and her response was ..

"i dont know i guess im just lazy to go get it, or i cant find it " that was her response

I mean i made the effort to go see her, spend over 400 dollars in miami, spend money on her valentines gift(i know chump) and i havent got nothing in return, i asked her if she would like to come up here and she doesnt like the idea to even come visit me

The only good thing she has done is that she gave me a nice valentines gift teddy lol and my foto and hers together in a heart frame, thats about it....

and a card saying "Dont ever forget how much i care about you,i love you etc...

I read that card now and it doesnt make sense because her actions dont go with what the card says. She doesnt call, i tell her im going to call and she evades it, she just seems simple now, doesnt call me "boo,babe,i love you" nothing like that, but i mean it just seems like a sign to me like shes getting bored. I dont know what it is, maybe its the distance....I told her why she doest called, and that she could at least make the effort, and the only response i got was "okk" thats it ](*,).

Its just frustrating sometimes, i have plans to go see her again this summer again but im not sure anymore, spend a couple hundred dollars to go see her,the expenses etc....

this has been on my mind too much, i mean it aint killing me now, but at the same time i dont want to lose her, i just need some advice on what to do.

I have tried talking to her but she gets pissed off easily and you cant construct a conversation with her. Btw i live in Ontario Canada,just to show you how far we are....thanks for bearing with me

[Citlali]

That is one long stretch of land between you two. Wow.

 

The only real solution here is to straight out tell her these things. If she starts getting angry, don't back off. This is too important to just let her get off the hook by throwing a hissy fit. Ask her the hard questions that I am sure you are afraid to ask: what do you feel about me, are you still comfortable with the distance, are you willing to work on it, etc. It's better to find out now than to get in deeper and have it be a million times harder to deal with later. It honestly sounds like this is probably not what she wanted. Long distance relationships are difficult and hard to maintain, especially if one person isn't in it completely both mentally and emotionally. It sounds this might be the case. Trust me, I got hurt in a long distance relationship and it wasn't fun. Deal with it now, even if it is difficult, because the fall will be less harsh. If she isn't making any effort, then maybe she isn't into you enough to maintain this relationship. In that case, let go and move on.

[shadowcat]

how should i go about and ask her though? i tried asking her before if she was bored of me. And she asked me why are you asking me these questions?

And i told her because shes been acting indifferent, she doesnt sound excited to call me, or doesnt make the effort etc... and all she does is give me stupid answers like "oh okk" i mean she doesnt give any explanations for it and brushes off my questions like dust on her shoulder.

[lostinlove2010]

I feel for you. It's not easy being in a long distance relationship especially when you are the one making most of the effort. I know this will sound harsh but I don’t think she is as invested in the relationship as you are. I mean think of it this way – if you met someone that you are really falling for; you think they’re cute, they make you laugh, you have fun together etc… are you really going to be too lazy to call them??? That doesn’t make any sense.

 

My advice is to stop wasting your money and time on this girl and find someone who will appreciate your efforts. Don’t put up with girls who use you or they will stop respecting you. Be sweet to girls but know when to draw the line. If you make the effort, you should expect the girl to also make an effort and if she doesn’t then move on. You deserve better.

[CaptainNapalm]

My best guess would be that she's loosing interest in the relationship and either doesn't know how to let you down or is hoping that you get fed up with her avoidance and end up leaving this way she doesn't have to be the one dumping you. If talking to her about it doesn't work I would just leave the relationship. definitely, the first thing I would do is not initiate contact and let her get a hold of me and see how long that takes - this will tell you lots about how much she really cares for you and it doesn't make you seem as desparate swarming her with calls all the time. It's also a possibility that she got too comfortable with you and has you running after her all the time so doesn't find the need to initiate anything or be available half of the time because she knows well that she has you at her disposal. Like I said before, let her start contacting you and making some effort and if she doesn't I'd leave in a second.

[shadowcat]

yeah my friend said the same thing, stop putting effort, dont call her, dont chat with her alot, just keep her on the side.

So you think i should just do that and let her contact me and if she doesnt, just let it go ?

[shadowcat]

ive spent more money on this chick then she has for me, i mean she only bought me a gift. I dont expect much from a girl but at least some attention and interest will do me, but im not even getting that, i just get her attention when she wants to. Im not sure if i want to go to Miami anymore, what am i going to do ? Just visit her and put up with her indifference ? I dont know

[lostinlove2010]

Ok I don't know what "keep her on the side" means. Don't play games. Just stop contacting her and see if she starts making an effort.

 

Girls don't respect guys that they can walk all over.

[shadowcat]

Ok I don't know what "keep her on the side" means. Don't play games. Just stop contacting her and see if she starts making an effort.

 

Girls don't respect guys that they can walk all over.

 

I meant keep her on the side as in ignore her for some time to see she of she responds back or not.

[abitbroken]

maybe it was too much too soon. The first meeting should have been a time to get to know eachother better - and i understand in the heat of the moment why you would want to declare yourself exclusive or that she was "your girl" - but it was really a first date. Being suddenly your girl and then getting stuff for V,day just might have been a bit too fast.

 

I also think that if you saw her in January, and then had no plans to see her next - its hard to agree to "be in a relationship" with someone and then not see them for 2-3 months or to just not know.

 

I maybe wouldn't call her so readily and see what happens. In the meantime, decide if you really have something with this girl and its worth pursuing...or not.

[lostinlove2010]

Oh ok then I agree. You should back off for awhile. You deserve someone who will put just as much effort into the relationship as you have. You seem like a nice guy and trust me there will be someone out there who will appreciate that.

 

My boyfriend is a nice guy who makes the effort to visit me and buy me things but I make the same effort and we are happy together. Don't let her keep taking advantage of you.

[shadowcat]

maybe it was too much too soon. The first meeting should have been a time to get to know eachother better - and i understand in the heat of the moment why you would want to declare yourself exclusive or that she was "your girl" - but it was really a first date. Being suddenly your girl and then getting stuff for V,day just might have been a bit too fast.

 

I also think that if you saw her in January, and then had no plans to see her next - its hard to agree to "be in a relationship" with someone and then not see them for 2-3 months or to just not know.

 

I maybe wouldn't call her so readily and see what happens. In the meantime, decide if you really have something with this girl and its worth pursuing...or not.

 

I admit i did go a little too fast, i guess because she was far and i took advantage of that.

I want to give this time and see where it goes, and maybe ignore and see if she will persue me like the other posters have said.

[shadowcat]

Oh ok then I agree. You should back off for awhile. You deserve someone who will put just as much effort into the relationship as you have. You seem like a nice guy and trust me there will be someone out there who will appreciate that.

 

My boyfriend is a nice guy who makes the effort to visit me and buy me things but I make the same effort and we are happy together. Don't let her keep taking advantage of you.

 

Yeah she even suggested i move to Miami, which i dont want to. I went to visit her and i just dont like it down there, i mean the weather is nice but i just dont like the environment, but she expects me to move for her, so we can be together. She did tell me she was going to visit me up here in Canada, but when i asked her recently she just said "nahhhh".

[blueeyedme]

Seem's she is already gone...and if that's the case, she wasn't the one for you anyway. I think you need to back off and stop contacting her. If she doesn't reach out for you then you have the answer. Good luck!

[secretness87]

Do you know anything about her past relationships? Like has she had boyfriends before? If so, do you think she treated them the same way? Maybe she's not used to having a boyfriend or not used to getting the kind of attention that she's currently getting. Because the way you describe her seems really strange. She won't pick up the phone because she's too lazy to answer it? Eh.. odd to me.

[Citlali]

how should i go about and ask her though? i tried asking her before if she was bored of me. And she asked me why are you asking me these questions?

And i told her because shes been acting indifferent, she doesnt sound excited to call me, or doesnt make the effort etc... and all she does is give me stupid answers like "oh okk" i mean she doesnt give any explanations for it and brushes off my questions like dust on her shoulder.

 

 

Then you already have the answer. She doesn't care as much or at all about this relationship and isn't into you enough to make the sacrifices needed in a long distance relationship. However, unlike other posters, I wouldn't just stop contacting her. I find that rather immature and something along the lines of what she does to you. Instead, I would call her or e-mail her (whatever means you have so that you can say you made the effort though she didn't respond) and tell her you are ending the relationship for the reasons you posted here. And then walk away and never look back.

[shadowcat]

Seem's she is already gone...and if that's the case, she wasn't the one for you anyway. I think you need to back off and stop contacting her. If she doesn't reach out for you then you have the answer. Good luck!

 

she just asked me a few minutes ago why i have been quite and i told her the reasons, then counters with " you have been indifferent, u have been quite" which is the opposite because i have been giving her attention and showed her i care.

[shadowcat]

Then you already have the answer. She doesn't care as much or at all about this relationship and isn't into you enough to make the sacrifices needed in a long distance relationship. However, unlike other posters, I wouldn't just stop contacting her. I find that rather immature and something along the lines of what she does to you. Instead, I would call her or e-mail her (whatever means you have so that you can say you made the effort though she didn't respond) and tell her you are ending the relationship for the reasons you posted here. And then walk away and never look back.

 

Well she just asked me why i have been quite and explained her why, and of course she didnt like it, one thing is that she hasnt accepted that shes been acting strange and doesnt admit that she doesnt put effort into the relationship.

Im still confused as to what this girl wants.