DreamerGirl27 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 So, I have this friend that I really like, who started talking to me A LOT during winter break last semester. The only problem is, he flat out said he doesn't like me. After taking me to coffee, paying, and texting me to say he had a really good time and we should do it again. Now, this wasn't an "official" date, we just went 'cause our class was canceled, but still...was the text REALLY necessary after? I would have to go into the whole story for all that to make more sense, and I don't want to right now. Bottom line, is, he thinks we are just friends (even though I want to be more) and we are just friends. I still don't see how a guy and a girl can be "just friends" when at least one of the friends wants more, though... but anyway, that's besides the point. He's never invited me anywhere before, and a couple nights ago he invited me somewhere. The only thing is it's going to be with a group of his friends. Now, I told him I'd go, because what girl can resist going somewhere with a guy you like who invites you somewhere (finally)? That was exactly what my mom said, too. She said to go and have fun. Only prob is...this was on Mon. night...I saw him Tuesday morning...he said he'd talk to me online probably, I haven't seen him online, I see him tomorrow morning, but the thing is this Friday and Saturday. He already had a few other people say they wanted to go and the thing that he's inviting me to, isn't exactly my cup of tea...and I didn't make it sound like I was too interested in going, even though I did tell him I'd go and I AM interested in going just for the mere fact of getting to see him. So, now I am wondering if I am like, uninvited now, or if he just forgot...or what... But...this is really stressful, because while I like him, he doesn't like me and doesn't seem to have a problem with us just being friends. That's not really what I want advice on, though. I've already set myself up for heartbreak and decided to just stay his friend, because I don't have the guts to end our friendship. What I want advice on, is if he hasn't forgotten, should I go? I've pretty much decided I am going to go, because I want to and life is too short to not do things you want to do...but...if he HAS forgotten, should I bring it up to him before Friday? Help! What would YOU do in this situation? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 I wouldn't talk to him anymore. He doesn't want to date you and I don't think he actually wants to be friends either. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 How does it possibly sound like he doesn't want to be friends? That's the only thing I'm certain of, especially now that he's inviting me places. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 and I already said I don't want advice on that, I've already said I am going to remain his friend and he most definitely wants at least that. It's just whether I can handle that or not. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 Does anyone else, who hasn't already formed a biased opinion on this subject, who wants to follow me around the boards to give me bad advice and decipher my level of friendship with this man, have anything constructive to say about what you would do about this weekend? 'Cause that's the only thing I care about at this point... Link to comment
H20 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 If you are already questioning whether you can handle just a 'friendship' with him, then I would opt not to go.Start dating other guys..and maybe once you're over your feelings for this guy you can consider the friend thing. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Does anyone else, who hasn't already formed a biased opinion on this subject, who wants to follow me around the boards to give me bad advice and decipher my level of friendship with this man, have anything constructive to say about what you would do about this weekend? 'Cause that's the only thing I care about at this point... Don't you think you might have a bit of tunnel vision? Although you want to be friends with him, you definitely want more than that and he doesn't. Even if he does want to be friends, which I suspect he doesn't, it's not going to be good for your nerves. And, insulting people because they are giving you advice you don't want to hear isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to really step back from this situation and look at things without emotions. It'll be better for your health. Link to comment
ToF Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Does anyone else, who hasn't already formed a biased opinion on this subject, who wants to follow me around the boards to give me bad advice and decipher my level of friendship with this man, have anything constructive to say about what you would do about this weekend? 'Cause that's the only thing I care about at this point... Honestly? I would not go. I know that life is short, but that is EXACTLY why I wouldn't do it. You said that this event is not your "cup of tea" ... so why would you go? According to you, your motivation is to hang out with the guy you like. That's totally understandable. However, you don't have much of a chance with him at this point, if any. He's made that crystal clear. Let me ask you this: If you go this weekend, and he completely ignores you, will you still have a good time? If the answer is yes, then go! If the answer is no, then I think you should find other plans. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 He never ignores me, he actually texted me this morning. He's the one who pursued a friendship with me. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 Don't you think you might have a bit of tunnel vision? Although you want to be friends with him, you definitely want more than that and he doesn't. Even if he does want to be friends, which I suspect he doesn't, it's not going to be good for your nerves. And, insulting people because they are giving you advice you don't want to hear isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to really step back from this situation and look at things without emotions. It'll be better for your health. Why would you suspect he doesn't when I don't do anything to contact him, ever, and yet I talk to him every day and night? I had over 1000 texts in my inbox over winter break from him over a period of 1 week that he initiated EVERY single one of them. yeah...I'm not the one who has tunnel vision here...I know he doesn't like me. that's not my problem at this point in time, I've already made it clear I've decided to try the friend thing. It also would be a REALLY bad idea to date anyone else right now considering A) I don't like anyone else I know and B) I'm still in love with the guy in question. I'd rather be alone, honestly. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 I just don't think it'd be healthy for you to be friends with someone that you love and who doesn't love you back. Not only will it prolong you getting over him, it will prevent you from finding a healthy relationship and will put you in a position where you are constantly rejected. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 Honestly? I would not go. I know that life is short, but that is EXACTLY why I wouldn't do it. You said that this event is not your "cup of tea" ... so why would you go? According to you, your motivation is to hang out with the guy you like. That's totally understandable. However, you don't have much of a chance with him at this point, if any. He's made that crystal clear. Let me ask you this: If you go this weekend, and he completely ignores you, will you still have a good time? If the answer is yes, then go! If the answer is no, then I think you should find other plans. He doesn't ignore me. He does quite the opposite. He actually is the guy that I'm talking to and seeing the most out of ALL my guy friends. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 I just don't think it'd be healthy for you to be friends with someone that you love and who doesn't love you back. Well, too bad, I've already decided I'm going to. That's not what I'm asking. What do I do about this weekend? Should I bring it up to him or let him bring it up to me and if he doesn't, just let it go... Never mind, I think I answered my own question. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 I just don't think it'd be healthy for you to be friends with someone that you love and who doesn't love you back. Not only will it prolong you getting over him, it will prevent you from finding a healthy relationship and will put you in a position where you are constantly rejected. Then I'm going to have to be in that position. There isn't another guy in my life at this point that I'm even interested in. I'm incredibly picky. Link to comment
ToF Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 He never ignores me, he actually texted me this morning. He's the one who pursued a friendship with me. Yes, but what if he got caught up with other friends and did not pay hardly any attention to you? Or, heaven forbid, met a girl and spent his time talking with her... You asked for advice, and I am just trying to help you decide whether or not you should go. Is that not what you wanted? Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 Not really, I kind of wanted to know whether I should bring it up to him or not. At this point, I don't know if I'm going somewhere this weekend or not. Link to comment
ToF Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Does anyone else, who hasn't already formed a biased opinion on this subject, who wants to follow me around the boards to give me bad advice and decipher my level of friendship with this man, have anything constructive to say about what you would do about this weekend? 'Cause that's the only thing I care about at this point... It sure seems like you were asking for advice about this weekend. Look, I'm just trying to help you. You asked for it, and you shouldn't get upset if I tell you something you don't want to hear. I still wouldn't mind helping you, if you would tell me what it is you are looking for here. Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Share Posted March 26, 2010 It sure seems like you were asking for advice about this weekend. Look, I'm just trying to help you. You asked for it, and you shouldn't get upset if I tell you something you don't want to hear. I still wouldn't mind helping you, if you would tell me what it is you are looking for here. Please read the fine print... What I want advice on, is if he hasn't forgotten, should I go? I've pretty much decided I am going to go, because I want to and life is too short to not do things you want to do...but...if he HAS forgotten, should I bring it up to him before Friday? Help! What would YOU do in this situation? That clearer for you now? Too late, though, nobody on here helped me make up my mind. I did bring it up to him and I'm not going. Turns out no other girl he knows wanted to go, either, because it was kind of a guy thing so he made it a guys night out type of deal. Thanks for the help, though... Link to comment
ToF Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 Glad you figured out your plans, and sorry none of us could help. P.S. I tried to private message you, but your inbox is full. I just had a question Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 26, 2010 Author Share Posted March 26, 2010 I am glad, too. I also said in my very first post that I didn't want advice on us just being friends, so yes, I did need to make it clear that I was upset by advice given to me that I didn't want. But...this is really stressful, because while I like him, he doesn't like me and doesn't seem to have a problem with us just being friends. That's not really what I want advice on, though. I've already set myself up for heartbreak and decided to just stay his friend, because I don't have the guts to end our friendship. Really don't need to hear, "you should stop talking to him" and "what if he ignores you" after I've already made it clear I'm not going to stop talking to him, and I didn't make it clear that he never ignores me, but I shouldn't have had to. I made it clear what I was asking in my first post. I've already cried, slept 19 hours one day and 16 the next over this situation, I really don't need anymore advice. He has made it clear that he wants to be friends and I'm just gonna leave it at that and I don't like having to make it clear to people who aren't in my situation why I've made this decision or whether or not he would ever ignore me or not. I just wanted to know what to do about this weekend. Link to comment
ToF Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 That's no problem. And I'm sorry that this has been so rough for you.. This is an advice/support forum. People will always read into what you are saying and come out with slightly different ideas of what you're asking. Also, they see that you are hurting/confused, and they want to help. At least, I know that's what I was trying to do. So, maybe I didn't answer your question directly because I didn't fully understand, but I think everyone was trying, and all had your best interests at heart. I didn't mean to upset you with the 'ignore' comment. It was an example, meant to help you decide about what to do that weekend. You're right, I don't know the situation, so I didn't know there was no possible way he would leave your side, so I was just asking to try and help you out. Hope that helps, or at least makes sense Link to comment
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