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Feeling like a lost cause.


Shnoodle

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Kind of an update.

 

If anyone recalls my story from a while back, my ex was being extremely flirtatious and making excuses to talk to me. When we first talked after a month of NC it was him that brought up getting back together, though at the time he was drunk. I didn't give a yes or no at this point. 2 months later, I don't feel like he's actually pursueing a relationship so I walk away. After about 10 days NC he finally gets a hold of me and... wants to try reconciliation. He said I've been so aloof, that he didn't even think I wanted to get back together.

 

That day he was all super lovey, we spent several hours together.. that was a little over a week ago. It feels like he immediately checked out after that day. Over 2 months of chasing me, and over night I feel like he doesn't really give a turd about me. No more flirting, no more finding excuses to talk to me. Yay. Since then the most affectionate he has been is calling me "hun". Most of the time he calls I'm out, as I have been much more busy lately. When he does get a hold of me he is distant. Which in turn makes me more distant too.

 

I don't want to rush the relationship, but I feel like he's not even interested in putting in any effort now that he knows he can have me. I think he still resents me for us breaking up, even though he chose to end it and I've improved myself immensely. I'm aware there is ambivilance on both sides, but this is a bit much. I give him plenty of space, as I don't want him to feel smothered. I worry that he might get the wrong impression by giving him all this space. Feh.

 

Funny thing is, I have to wonder if he is trying to be patient and give me space, too. Hell, many of the threads here suggest it. After all, it was me who said we should take things slow... I doubt it though, and I don't want to make excuses for him. I really wish I didn't feel like I was always in the dark to his intentions, it indeed sucks. If only it was always as cut and dry as many people here claim it to be.

 

I do however wonder how long I should wait it out before I give the old heave-ho? I'm thinking about 2 more weeks, is that plenty of man-cave time? When a man goes to his cave that's the worst time to confront them, so no, I will not "tell him how I feel". (at this point it's pretty numb, anyway) Nor will I lap up any crumbs tossed my way, I deserve better than that. I just intend to walk away... again. For good.

 

But first I think I need a vacation, who's with me?

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I do however wonder how long I should wait it out before I give the old heave-ho? I'm thinking about 2 more weeks, is that plenty of man-cave time? When a man goes to his cave that's the worst time to confront them, so no, I will not "tell him how I feel". (at this point it's pretty numb, anyway) Nor will I lap up any crumbs tossed my way, I deserve better than that. I just intend to walk away... again. For good.

 

Do you still want to reconcile with him?

 

If so, I would not be taking concrete steps to break up such as a timeline. It will give off bad vibes, you'll compound it with each other's tone and attitude, and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

How do you feel when you're with him in person?

 

Scientists believe up to 80% of communication is non-verbal. Phone calls seem to be a problem for you. So you should use it sparingly, only to make plans, not for him to get a fix from your voice.

 

Do you not have a mobile phone where he could text you for making plans?

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Do you still want to reconcile with him?

 

If so, I would not be taking concrete steps to break up such as a timeline. It will give off bad vibes, you'll compound it with each other's tone and attitude, and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

How do you feel when you're with him in person?

 

Scientists believe up to 80% of communication is non-verbal. Phone calls seem to be a problem for you. So you should use it sparingly, only to make plans, not for him to get a fix from your voice.

 

Do you not have a mobile phone where he could text you for making plans?

 

 

I do want to reconcile, but I'm not convinced he wants to.

 

I only want to set a personal, soft deadline for his emotional distancing, not the relationship itself. Men occasionally need to take their space to do some soul-searching, that's perfectly fine. I'm not going to chase him. I do however need to look out for myself if this is going no where.

 

Around him I'm pretty positive and happy, and extremely patient with his mood swings. I avoid neediness and pressure like the plague, I don't need his verbal reassurance. Sadly my patience is not endless, and I do occasionally need to see that his heart is in it through his actions. Not fancy dates or gifts, just treating me like he is somewhat interested. It's only been about a week, so time will tell.

 

I do not own a cell phone, pretty much the only time I'm reachable is in the late afternoon/early evening.

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Hm. I wonder if that puts a strain on things if he can't reach you unless you're at home. Men like freedom and that's kind of restrictive.

 

In answer to your question, I think 2 weeks is rushed for hrs closeness to build again. But I hope you'd be seeing each other every 1 to 2 weeks at least, with an understanding that it's exclusive.

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