dealing with jealousy in a ldr

[simplenation]

I've been in a long term relationship for about 4 months now. While traveling for work I met someone really special and we have sort of been dating for the last 4 months. We've spent several weeks together and have talked every day that we are apart. During the last few months there was some question to how serious this all was .. so little issues here and there came up. Her talking to her ex, some issues with flirting on facebook and a few other small things. Our relationship had been pretty loose because niether one of us knew when we would have the chance to live together. I recently found out that my job may be relocating me to her town for about a year and since the news we really have started to get serious. So I guess my issue is. I'm really having a hard time worry about what shes up to, who shes talking to and so on. The issues that we've had in the beginning were mostly due to her not knowing where her and I stood.. but now that we are serious she claims to be committed to us and seeing this through. What can I do to stop worrying and being paranoid?

[Joshb]

I know it can be hard especially early on when everything is still up in the air and brand new. You want security and im sure it will come the longer you been together. Basically you just have to keep talking to her daily, get to know her better, her morals, beliefs , what shes a bout...get a better sense of her and how serious she feels about the relationship.

 

You also need to be honest with what you want, and be able to communicate it, not just let her assume stuff. Communication is key in a LDR, as well as trust.

 

just keep communicating and visiting when you can.

[turnera]

Take in some therapy to learn to be ok with yourself. What you're describing is your own belief that she will find someone 'better' than you. If you like yourself, that wouldn't occur to you, because you'd feel you deserve her.

[lostinlove2010]

First off, I think it’s great that you found out that you have an opportunity to be next to this girl so that you won’t be dealing with distance. As for the jealousy – don’t beat yourself up too much long distance relationships are hard. The best advice I can give you is don’t focus on your jealous feelings. When you start picturing what she might be doing stop your thoughts by focusing on something else. Call a friend, read a book. She told you that she is now committed to you so trust her until you have a strong reason to not trust her.

 

My boyfriend is in another country and we have been apart for 2 years but have made it work. People often ask me how do you know if he’s being faithful to you. The truth is that I don’t know. I don’t have a camera in is room but he’s never given me a reason to not trust him. He does what he says he’s going to do and he’s always been there for me. So I make the choice to love him and trust him even thought I can’t see everything that he does.

 

Best of luck!

[shelbygirl]

I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with this. My SO is 11 hours from me.. and we don't see one another all that often. When we are together I feel very secure. But when apart, I get worried every now and then that he will get snatched up by some local girl. Glad I found this thread.

[lostinlove2010]

shelbygirl,

 

I think it's perfectly normal to sometimes feel jealous in a long distance relationship. If you only feel jealous once in awhile then don't worry about it too much - just try to focus on the positive in the relationship. You can drive yourself crazy imagining what "could" happen but that doesn't mean it will happen. If your boyfriend acts trustworthy (looks for you, calls you, tells you that he is committed) then believe him and don't stress.

 

I've been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years. We are actually in different countries and see each other every 3 months but we've made it work and we are happy. We have a blog where we post tips for couples in long distance relationships. I think you would enjoy the articles if you have a chance to check out the blog. Best of luck!

[shelbygirl]

Cool lost. I'll check out the blog.