coffeebaby Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 i'd v mch appreciate ur time to read this. pls help me. it is about this close friend of mine whom i have feelings for BUT i dont want to be more than great friends. we didnt fight. it was so weird. it started when i got paranoid that he wanted to get close to me for something. as i said in my earlier post that he's a friend i just got close with. he's been saying things that make me happy, we make each other happy, we drive each other to do something, the feeling of being together and talking as close friends is just incredible. it's too good to be true. sometimes he does flirt with me, i dont mind being the one who change the topic because i also love hearing his sweet words. but it came to the point where im wondering what does he want from me. he makes me feel that he would do anything with me more than the girls he date, but im starting to get paranoid that he's doing it to others too. its so weird that i dont want romance relationship with him as im sick of being in a relationship, but why am i upset about this now? so just now i told him how im getting used to not trusting people nowdays. i asked him straight what he wants from me. he said "i want u?" hey,u sound bit upset today. tell me what happened. sorry for being honest" .. and "what can i ask for? i got myself,my family. thats all i want. so i dont wan anything from u. the thing is ,what do u want for urself? u want happiness?". then i said that i want to be heartless. so he said "u know what u want. u want more time to figure out what u are. thats what u gona need".....i felt a bit offended as i assume he's trying to say that i dont know who/what i am. it kind of ended there... i didnt reply him. i planned not to talk to him anymore. but right now, i miss him. he's one of the very few people i can talk to. he listens and talk to me about everything a lot of people cant. he was one of the main reasons i get up to my feet every morning looking forward to work towards my goals, being strong, being carefree. now i feel bad.... but something is telling me that it is the right thing to do to push him away, as i suck at being in any kinds of relationships (be it frenship/familyship/loveship) and that i shud push em away before i get hurt (and say "I KNEW IT"). i suck in the sense that i'd struggle in the relationships and it makes the person struggle too. and im so sick of people leaving me because of that. should i really stop being close to him? should i apologize? i dont know what to do.. Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I'm confused about why you want to push him away...this guy has been so great to you it seems. Can you try and help me understand why you want to push him away? Like, whats going through your mind? etc. Your post is a little confusing to me. It might just be me (because its 4 am where I am). Link to comment
coffeebaby Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 ahhah.. am sry! i hv to admit that im not good with writing, or even telling my problem/story. anyway, why i want to push him away is because i am very afraid that he might want something from me (like some people would sweet talk and get close to someone to get something). i dont trust him although we are very close. Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I don't understand. You are willing to drop your friendship on a gut feeling/hunch that maybe he might want something more than a friendship? As you said, you seem to enjoy being with him and are happy with him being in your life. Maybe in the past people have tried sweet talking you for something more (I guess you mean a sexual relationship, or even a romantic relationship). Yes, people do hurt others by doing awful and mean things and it may have happened to you in the past. Let me ask this...what reasons do you have NOT to trust him (besides a hunch or some thoughts that MAYBE he could hurt you)? You can't go about living your life with such caution that you're willing to push someone away because you feel they may want more. You will never experience the fullness of friendships/relationships. If you don't want a relationship/aren't ready, then if he's a good friend he'll understand. But, there will be someone you can trust, who has genuine intentions. Don't let that pass you by. I hope this is what you're getting at in your post. If not, let me know and of course I'll try and help! Link to comment
coffeebaby Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 yeah...im being too cautius, AJEDrew7. thx so much, u make me feel better the a way. i also shouldnt take the things he said and did to me for granted. i feel bad now...... i'd love to apologize to him. what do u suggest to do? Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Well, an apology in person would probably be best. Contact him and see if he wants to get together to hangout. Maybe something casual like coffee or lunch or even just hanging out works I suppose. I can't exactly tell you what to say, I'm not in your shoes and don't know what you've been through to not trust him and react the way you have. But, try not to rehearse it. Let it come from the heart and say that you're sorry for the way you reacted and that you have no reason not to trust him and you're so glad to have him in your life. Hope everything works out for the best Link to comment
coffeebaby Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 mmm orite. will definitely get to talk to him again. thank u very much. uve been a great help with this! Link to comment
AJEDrew7 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 You're more than welcome! Hope things work for the best and know that you can always come back for advice or help on anything/everything Link to comment
top bloke Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Firstly, Stop leading him on by allowing him to be sweet/romantic with you. You are sending mixed messages. If you pushed him away and hes really your friend then it should not bother you what he does with other women. You definitely have romantic feelings for him but you are afraid to love or be loved. Youll never be happy if you suppress your real feelings. You have to look in your own heart and ask what do you really want. Are you a hopeless romantic for his words only? Or do you really want him. Only you can decide. Good luck Link to comment
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