Just Me85 Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Okay, so my best friend and I had a bit of a thing, we started seeing eachother. After a while things happened, and I really have started to fall for this guy.. We had a fight a few weeks ago (first ever in 10 years), because I accused him of being like other guys and just wanting one thing, the sex..I said this because he said about not being ready for a relationship. But thing is I know that he has feelings for me, its different than with other guys and I know Im not imagining it. Anyway, we had this fight and he got annoyed and said only way to convince me he thinks more of me is if we dont have sex anymore and work on our friendship. He said any other girl wouldnt be so much of a risk, because "all women leave in the end" and he doesnt want to lose me to a relationship. Anyway, I agreed and we started trying to be friends again. We have always been very close so this wasnt too hard to do, only there is a lot of tension, I KNOW he has feelings for me, he's too much if an ignoramus to act on it haha..Anyway... At the weekend we went out in a group, lost the rest of the group in the club and it were just us two for the rest if the night. If another guy so much as glanced in my direction, he would hold my hand or do something to get my attention..Then even when the special VIP guest (Plan B, my favourite MC) came on stage and I got excited, he told me he was a bit jealous.. Then he told me that 3 years ago he almost told me he was falling in love with me but he chickened it. He kissed me, it was great. He said things the next day about it, like "I wonder if we added all the times you have made me feel something, how long that would be"..and "You are so awesome it actually hurts sometimes!" and he said that I'm beautiful. Anyway we met up last night, we had a lot of fun, but ended up at his place just cuddling on the bed and watching telly/listening to music. We chatted for ages. He was stroking my arm and cuddling right up. But he didnt make a move once so I didnt either. Then when he drove me home he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I mistook this for making a move and went for his lips ARG..and we both backed away really quick. I apologised and he laughed (was awkward) and I ran inside embarrassed. He text me when he was home saying: "Your'e well lush..text me back to let me know you got this. was great seeing you..niight xx" What is he doing to me! He gets really jealous of other guys. My ex got in touch last week and I told him because I didnt want any secrets. I would never take me ex back but he admitted he was jealous that I still think about my ex (even though I dont really)..yet he talks about his ex and expects me to be alright! Can anyone enlighten me? Shall I just be patient? He s driving me crazy x Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I wish I was in your shoes. My best guy friend I totally like right now and he has totally told me he doesn't like me like that. Crushed the hell out of me. I drove home from school crying last week. It was a very dangerous situation, but I literally could not help myself. If you like your best friend and he likes you, why waste time? Be together and be happy. At least someone on the planet is. I'm never going to be. At least not in a relationship because I am going to live my life alone I have a feeling. Just a gut feelings. Link to comment
jadenrain Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 my best advice would be to watch "he's just not that into you" Sound like he wants a girlfriend with no strings attached aka almost friends with benefits Also sounds like he wants you but doesn't. And just wants you avail. as a last resort for him if other things don't work out. Or could be he loves your friendship and doesn't want to ruin it and believe me it will ruin it Link to comment
Just Me85 Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 Dreamergirl, if only it was that simple. I'd love to give it a go with him and see what happens but it seems like he isnt feeling the same. I really feel for you, I feel our situations are quite similar in some ways. Ive secretly shed a lot of tears for this man, whilst keeping a totally brave face in his presence... You know eight years ago, when I was 16..he asked me to be his girlfriend and I told him I didnt feel that way about him. Kicked myself ever since, funny how the tables can turn..Im not trying to give you hope, but know that if its not meant to be something better will come along for you I promise. Its hard though when we dont want anyone else! xxx I wish I could take my own advice. I love him with all my heart and its driving me insane! Ive seen that movie J I'm not one to stick around, this does feel different though I cant explain it, and I cant seem to stay away... Id just really like to know if theres any chance in hell he's behaving like this because he could possibly feel the same away about me..maybe it scares him xxx Link to comment
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 I guess our situations are very similar then. Sorry you're going through this Just_Me85. I don't know how things will turn out for us, but maybe our friends just aren't good enough for us! haha and jadenrain, the friendship is already ruined when one friend likes the other one and the other one doesn't. I know this from what I'm experiencing right now. It's never a good idea to be really good friends with someone you like who doesn't like you back. It's not a good feeling and will put stress on at least the one who's feelings aren't reciprocated. Link to comment
Maya_A Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 and said only way to convince me he thinks more of me is if we dont have sex anymore and work on our friendship. He said any other girl wouldnt be so much of a risk, because "all women leave in the end" and he doesnt want to lose me to a relationship. Anyway, I agreed and we started trying to be friends again. Why are you confused? You agreed with him to just work on just the friendship base of things.... so that is what he is doing. If that doesn't work for you anymore, let him know. And remember, concentrating on the friendship part doesn't mean there aren't more feelings there. There obviously are. It just means the focus has shifted for awhile. But... judging in how strongly the two of you feel -- you may want to open things up a little. You can move slowly but still be in gf/bf mode... What seems most important for you to both right now is trust. You in that he isn't just out for sex (that was probably a hurtful thing for him to hear from you by the way), and him that "all women don't leave" & he does not have to lose his relationship with you.... Maybe chat again about each of your fears (gently, neutrally,non-accusatory) & re-negotiate the terms of the relationship.... Link to comment
minou Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Here's an option for you. Tell him the feelings beyond friendship that have been challenging for you lately. By the way, friends don't usually cuddle the way you 2 have been and it's clear the sexual attraction is mutual. Anyway, you could let him know you'd like to back away from the friendship altogether for a month or 2 to clear your head. That will give him time to see what it's like not to have you in his life at all. Other feelings may possibly grow. In any case, it could give you the information you need. Whether there is mutuality in potential love between you. Not sure how you feel about this option, but sometimes what you need when life gets confusing or muddled is to just take a pause. Link to comment
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